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3) We need better trolls. The trolls right now are lame.
The decreased quality of trolls in recent years is directly proportional to the increased presence of the Linux infestation on the Internet. Back in the 1990s, most high-end Internet servers were running some form of proprietary UNIX or Windows NT. (You may recall the Netcraft study that showed that NT far outperformed the popular Linux distributions of the day.) They were respectable pieces of hardware running respectable operating systems. Furthermore, they were administered by intelligent engineers, full of independent thought and imbued with a lust for creativity and self-expression.
In the intervening years, the landscape has been polluted with low-cost commodity Intel boxes running some damnable variant of the Linux virus. With cute names like "Gentoo", "Ubuntu", and "Red Hat Enterprise Linux", this operating system has hijacked the once-vibrant Internet community. The afore-mentioned Windows and UNIX administrators have been sent packing and replaced with soulless, hive-minded drones from the Linux gulags. And once this happened, the high-quality trolls were nowhere to be found.
Let's be perfectly clear about one thing: The Linux "community" is a liberal slaughterhouse of the mind. The goal of this community (rarely stated out loud but none the less obvious) is complete totalitarian Communism and an end to Western civilization. They see our dreams of prosperity and a high standard of living for our children and our grandchildren. They want to replace these dreams with a nightmarish reality: burning trash barrels on every corner, mile-long government bread lines, and children in burlap sacks drinking water out of discarded automobile tires.
This is what Linux has wrought. This is where they intend to bring us.
We're going down, in a spiral to the ground