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North Korean Dictator Kim Jong Il Dead at 70

Posted by timothy on from the trying-to-contain-my-tears dept.

As reported by numerous sources, Kim Jong Il has died at the age of 70 (69 by some tallies), after 17 years as the brutal head of North Korea. While the cause of death is uncertain, Bloomberg News says "Kim probably had a stroke in August 2008 and may have also contracted pancreatic cancer, according to South Korean news reports."

25 of 518 comments (clear)

  1. Respectfully by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    Let us take this opportunity to thank the Dear Leader, who sacrificed his life for the socialist paradise.

    1. Re:Respectfully by hargrand · · Score: 5, Funny

      Too bad he won't be around to see North Korea's planned economic strength and prosperity in 2012.

    2. Re:Respectfully by fuzzyfuzzyfungus · · Score: 4, Funny

      Don't worry. Keratin is durable as hell by biological standards, so Dear Leader's amazing hair should still be in excellent condition decades from now...

  2. Good Riddance by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    Kim Jong Il is now Kim Jong Dead.

    1. Re:Good Riddance by macraig · · Score: 4, Funny

      Didn't your momma ever teach you never to speak il of the dead?

    2. Re:Good Riddance by SharkLaser · · Score: 5, Funny

      Kim Jong Il

    3. Re:Good Riddance by Pikoro · · Score: 5, Funny

      Perhaps he had an electric fan running on that train? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fan_death

      Also, news here in Japan is reporting he had a heart attack. Over-stressed indeed.

      --
      "Freedom in the USA is not the ability to do what you want. It is the ability to stop others from doing what THEY want"
    4. Re:Good Riddance by Runaway1956 · · Score: 3, Funny

      Yes, I see the "speak il".

      But, yes, my momma did teach me not to speak ill of the dead. And, I defied her in other ways, too.

      Bye, Kim, we won't miss you at all. And, I hope the people are soon having rock and roll bands playing in your palaces, dancing with joy that you're gone.

      And, yes, yes, yes - I'm aware that isn't likely to happen. The new Kim seems like a little putz, and he has to answer to an insane regime all the same. He couldn't throw parties for the people if he wanted to.

      --
      "Windows is like the faint smell of piss in a subway: it's there, and there's nothing you can do about it." - Charlie Br
    5. Re:Good Riddance by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 2, Funny

      ROR!!

    6. Re:Good Riddance by Defenestrar · · Score: 3, Funny

      I hear you, and I hope you're not right. It's hard to imagine the little twit being worse than big Kim.

      You do remind me that I've said the same thing about Syria, Egypt, Libya, and several other countries and the Arab Spring.

      I think it's relatively unlikely that North Korea will form a new Islamic government based on free and fair democratic elections.

      Ha ha, very funny. We've heard that one before and BOOM - Hezbollah (and all the other late comers to the party).

      With current empirical evidence and other data sources (unidentified, top secret, and missing) it is clearly time to make a preemptive strike (a Defensive Maneuver (TM)) against this Axis of Evil and initiate Change worthy of a Peace Prize.

      Besides, it's clear all of those elections were rigged. It's impossible a True Democracy (TM) could come to a legitimate conclusion at odds with the Architect of the Free World. Such election results are clearly evidence of a population crying for help to overthrow their inherently illegitimately elected government. Military Advice (and cruise missiles) will be provided to said countries's insurgents, er freedom fighters, by priority established according to the value of military-industrial contracts (regulated by fair and impartial registered lobbyists).

  3. Hmmm by JimboFBX · · Score: 4, Funny

    "Kim probably had a stroke in August 2008 and may have also contracted pancreatic cancer, according to South Korean news reports."

    The newspaper continued... "We aren't sure which blow dart hit him but it was probably both"

    1. Re:Hmmm by mjwx · · Score: 4, Funny

      "Kim probably had a stroke in August 2008 and may have also contracted pancreatic cancer, according to South Korean news reports."

      The newspaper continued... "We aren't sure which blow dart hit him but it was probably both"

      That's what the papers said, we all know in truth he died from rownriness.

      --
      Calling someone a "hater" only means you can not rationally rebut their argument.
    2. Re:Hmmm by MartinSchou · · Score: 2, Funny

      Look, don't be an idiot and make fun of Asians and their general problems speaking proper English. I'm pretty sure you'd sound like an idiot when trying to speak an Asian language.

      Besides - it's just razy lacism.

    3. Re:Hmmm by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 2, Funny

      Brah brah brah. TR;DR.

  4. North Korean State television Says... by Scott+Swezey · · Score: 5, Funny

    North Korean State television Says Kim Jong Il died peacefully in his sleep while bowling a 300. (Via @NickGreene on Twitter)

    --
    Scott Swezey
    1. Re:North Korean State television Says... by modmans2ndcoming · · Score: 5, Funny

      N. Korean Astroturfer.

    2. Re:North Korean State television Says... by DigiShaman · · Score: 5, Funny

      A new Internet meme! Nice. Let me try.

      North Korean State television Says Kim Jong Il died peacefully in his sleep while golfing a hole-in-one from the Earth to the Moon.

      --
      Life is not for the lazy.
    3. Re:North Korean State television Says... by dintech · · Score: 4, Funny

      Kim Jong Il died peacefully in his sleep while jumping seventeen double-decker buses on his Harley and juggling fire-breathing monkeys.

      What a guy. Chuck Norris would be proud.

    4. Re:North Korean State television Says... by should_be_linear · · Score: 3, Funny

      North Korean State television Says Kim Jong Il died peacefully in his sleep while single-handedly patching all unknown IE10 security issues.
      North Korean State television Says Kim Jong Il died peacefully in his sleep while beating crap out of Chuck Norris.
      North Korean State television Says Kim Jong Il died peacefully in his sleep while writing Amazon's bestselling novel "Sleeping my way to death".

      --
      839*929
  5. I'm so Ronery by Shakrai · · Score: 3, Funny

    I'm so Ronery.

    --
    I want peace on earth and goodwill toward man.
    We are the United States Government! We don't do that sort of thing.
  6. Nucular by cloakedpegasus · · Score: 2, Funny

    Maybe if they didn't have nuclear weapons I wouldn't care so much.

  7. Re:It's a big deal by mirix · · Score: 5, Funny

    Why go to that horrible socialist country when you could go to the capitalist paradise that is Haiti?

    --
    Sent from my PDP-11
  8. Kim Jong Il, by pecosdave · · Score: 4, Funny

    Along with Bin Laden, Gaddafi, and Steve Jobs all inside a year.

    The world is still not running out of assholes.

    --
    The preceding post was not a Slashvertisement.
  9. Re:It's a big deal by Jeremi · · Score: 3, Funny

    I think he was really cool guy too. Too bad because I was planning on visiting North Korea and now these news kinda ruin my trip. Interesting to see what happens next year there tho, maybe it's still worth the trip.

    Any sufficiently advanced idiocy is indistinguishable from trolling. (and vice versa)

    --


    I don't care if it's 90,000 hectares. That lake was not my doing.
  10. Re:list of deaths 2011 by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 3, Funny

    [X] Kim Jong Il
    [X] Gaddafi
    [X] Osama Bin Laden
    [X] Steve Jobs
    [ ] Internet Explorer