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Kim Jong-Il Was an "Internet Expert"
pigrabbitbear writes "The late Kim Jong Il made many bizarre claims and bestowed upon himself many extravagant titles during his iron-clad rule over North Korea. But here's one that's particularly interesting in light of the recent SOPA debate – 'Internet expert.' The DPRK's Dear Leader fancied himself as such during an international summit in 2007. Seven years prior, he had asked U.S. Secretary of State Madeline Albright for her email address, indicating that the North Korean internet black hole was perhaps not as thoroughly opaque as we made it out to be — at least not for those at the top."
But Glorious Leader was the first to truly MASTER it.
And, unlike Gore, Glorious Leader at least put his money where his mouth was on global warming. At the time of his death his country used less electricity than any other Asian country and he had decreased its carbon footprint significantly by reducing its population by over a million people in just 15 years. And no polluting Western factories spewing carbon dioxide into the air or wasteful beef production in Glorious Leader's country. Suck on THAT, China and Western imperialists!
SJW: Someone who has run out of real oppression, and has to fake it.
Surfing porn all day does not make one an internet expert.
When I think back on the many great accomplishments of this man, there is no doubt that he will have the longest and greatest obituary ever written. A short exceprt:
The only man known to have shot 18 consecuative holes-in-one during a round of golf. In 2007, Kim Jong Il led the New England Patriots to a perfect 19-0 NFL season. In addition to his sporting exploits, Il was a noted Internet expert. Known for releasing the worlds first internet worm. His fame exploded when he devised a method of breaking public key encryption. He is believed to be the sole author of the Windows Vista operating system.
I'm in awe of this man.
What was his /. nym?
Find someone who stopped posting around the time he croaked. I'm guessing a pretty low UID, since he was pretty old. We now know I was not him, just in case you were wondering. Unless I'm an automated poster. I suppose I could pass a Turing test to prove it, or there's always the old "there's a tortoise, lying on its back in the desert. You're not helping it. Why are you not helping it?"
"Science flies us to the moon. Religion flies us into buildings." - Victor Stenger
Was Dear Leader BEFORE takeover of heaven. Now Glorious!!!
SJW: Someone who has run out of real oppression, and has to fake it.
Clearly he's testing the dpi of the laser mouse with his eyes, either that or he's wondering where the ball is.
Wow! He really was ronery.
wtf are those chinese NES-ripoffs??
world was created 5 seconds before this post as it is.
Seems telling that the only one he appears to be smiling at is the picture of him looking at sausages.
"Who is the Journal of Quantum Physics going to believe?" --Stephen Hawking
In a long and varied life, Kim Jong Il made one undeniable and catastrophic mistake; he claimed to be an internet expert.
After making this claim, his life was made a misery by a succession of late night calls from friends and family demanding his help in ridding their PCs of various pieces of malware.
It was during one of these conversations, during which he was explaining to his elderly aunt for the thirty-seventh time why she shouldn't click the links in random e-mails claiming to be from DHL and talking her through the process of reinstalling Windows so that it would stop flashing up photos of young ladies taking their clothes off every time she tried to google for humorous cat stories, that his blood pressure finally reached critical point and his heart exploded.
Case solved.
Actually, if you lived under his regime, there was no denying his Internet expertise. In fact, you couldn't deny anything good about him... or else!
My sci-fi novel, Ghost Thief, is now available from Amazon.com.