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Pay the TSA $100 and Bypass Airport Security

Posted by samzenpus on from the front-of-the-line dept.

An anonymous reader writes "Catching a flight in the U.S. isn't a great experience anymore due to the security checks involved. You have to remove your shoes, your belt, get your laptop out, be scanned and subjected to radiation in the process. Hundreds of other people are doing the same thing, meaning it takes 40 minutes instead of four. Now, the TSA has come up with a clever, money-making alternative. Instead of scaling back security or speeding it up, you can instead pay $100 and bypass it completely!"

11 of 527 comments (clear)

  1. I knew freedom had a price.... by russotto · · Score: 5, Funny

    ...but I didn't expect it to be just cash money, and I certainly didn't expect it to be so low.

    1. Re:I knew freedom had a price.... by Black+Parrot · · Score: 5, Funny

      TSA Menu:

      Skip opening suitcase - $10
      Skip opening computer - $10
      Skip taking off shoes - $5
      Skip anal probe - $250
      Skip groping - $500 for hunk or babe; free for everyone else.

      --
      Sheesh, evil *and* a jerk. -- Jade
    2. Re:I knew freedom had a price.... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

      If they're brown pat them down, if they're black send them back. That's just standard TSA protocol.

  2. Re:Thespians by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    "Sorry, citizen, now that it's in the Free Market, it's no longer our concern. We trust that you understand, and remind you that you may worship at the Wal-Mart of your choice."

  3. So how do I qualify? by Teppy · · Score: 5, Funny

    I just need to not have a history of not being a suicide bomber?

  4. Re:All I can say is by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    Yeah- you have be able to order pizza (and read the ad on the box) or pump gas (and read the ad on the pump).

    Yes- the TSA hires from ads on Pizza boxes and gas pumps.

    http://www.federalnewsradio.com/?nid=97&sid=2000678

  5. Re:Thespians by game+kid · · Score: 5, Funny

    The TSA will be checking at the aisles there soon too. The agents will double as customer service.

    "Welcome to Wal-Mart! Would you like a shakedown, staredown, or gropedown?"

    "Nah, I just want a flatscree--"

    "GUARDS! Terrorist with a bomb and a Quran on aisle 5!"

    "I can barely read the New York Post let alo--" *gets tackled to floor with a thud*

    --
    You can hold down the "B" button for continuous firing.
  6. Re:All I can say is by wbr1 · · Score: 5, Funny

    So the choice is rigorous background check or rigorous backside check. Great!

    --
    Silence is a state of mime.
  7. Re:All I can say is by Gadget_Guy · · Score: 5, Funny

    so... you enjoy the probing...

    "it still beats dealing with the airlines"

  8. Re:All I can say is by 93+Escort+Wagon · · Score: 5, Funny

    Yeah- you have be able to order pizza (and read the ad on the box) or pump gas (and read the ad on the pump).

    I think I've seen those ads on matchbook covers too - "Can you draw this clown? You might qualify to become a TSA Agent!"

    --
    #DeleteChrome
  9. Re:Thespians by rubycodez · · Score: 5, Funny

    well, that's not true among my older friends and relatives, they routinely get in the face of authority like TSA, cops, politicians on our police-street direction at the drop of a hat. hard to intimidate someone in the 70s or more, e.g. "what are going to do, sonny-boy-with-a-badge, jail me for life? give me the chair? hah, I'll probably flop over dead tomorrow anyway! screw you!"