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DoD Networks Completely Compromised, Experts Say
AZA43 writes "A group of U.S. federal cybersecurity experts recently said the Defense Department's network is totally compromised by foreign spies. The experts suggest the agency simply accept that its networks are compromised and will probably remain that way, then come up with a way to protect data on infected machines and networks."
“DoD is capability-limited in cyber, both defensively and offensively,”
Anyways, are we talking a bunch of old NT boxes plugged right into the internets, I mean the cyber.
The entire DoD network is one massive honeypot. All the real data is sent by carrier pigeon.
Have you driven a fnord... lately?
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I guess the DoD should finally retire Windows 3.11 for Workgroups, huh? LOL!
The entire DoD network is one massive honeypot. All the real data is sent by carrier pigeon.
Damnit man! Why did you let them know?! Now I gotta figure out how to armor the pigeons so they're not shot out of the skies... How tiny do they make bullet proof vests? Maybe I could use a swallow instead. Does anyone here know the air speed velocity of... Never mind, I'll figure something out.
"Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted." -Groucho Marx
You ever tried encrypting a bird? They don't like that.
Is that like putting a bird in a crypt?
What the DoD will do is hire a contractor to armor the pigeons, who will then design armor that puts the pigeons over max gross weight, so they'll add wing extensions, but since pigeon wing muscles can't flap the modified wings as fast, they'll replace their little pigeon wings with fixed composite wings and pigeon-scale turbine engines.
Unfortunately the turbine engine exhaust burns pigeon tail feathers, so they'll replace these with composites also. The Air Force will see an opportunity at this point to add hard-points to the composite wings, so the wing area and turbines will be made larger, increasing cruising speed and altitude, requiring life-support for the pigeons.
Cost: about $500,000 / pigeon for the Block 20 model, assuming the contractor will be allowed to sell Block 10 Pigeon Communication and Reconnaissance (PCR) units to our allies in Saudi Arabia. Test flights slated for 2020.
You left out the part where another contractor designs another version of said pigeons and undercuts this contractor with an inferior product because they had the lowest bid and then the people that awarded the bid to the cheaper contractor are left wondering why the cheaper pigeons are falling from the skies and killing innocent citizens.
If carrots got you drunk, rabbits would be fucked up. - Comedian Mitch Hedberg R.I.P. 03/30/68-2/24/05
...then the people that awarded the bid to the cheaper contractor are left wondering why the cheaper pigeons are falling from the skies and killing innocent citizens.
Maybe quietly to themselves, while DoD media relations at Fox informs their viewers: "...if they were innocent, they wouldn't be dead now, would they."
But when did the Soviets begin this type of research?
Well, sir, It looks like they found out about our attempt to telepathically communicate with
one of our nuclear subs. The Nautilus, while it was under the Polar cap.
What attempt?
There was no attempt. It seems the story was a French hoax. But the Russians think the story about the story being a French hoax is just a story, sir.
So, they've started psi research because they thought we were doing psi research,
When in fact we weren't doing psi research?
Yes, sir. But now that they're doing psi research, we're gonna have to do psi research, sir.
We can't afford to have the Russians leading the field in the paranormal.
OMG - you work for Apple?
They will also create Pigeon Reconnaissace Intelligence Construction Kit Systems for our allies, but they will be smaller versions than the ones the US uses.