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DoD Networks Completely Compromised, Experts Say
AZA43 writes "A group of U.S. federal cybersecurity experts recently said the Defense Department's network is totally compromised by foreign spies. The experts suggest the agency simply accept that its networks are compromised and will probably remain that way, then come up with a way to protect data on infected machines and networks."
The entire DoD network is one massive honeypot. All the real data is sent by carrier pigeon.
Have you driven a fnord... lately?
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The entire DoD network is one massive honeypot. All the real data is sent by carrier pigeon.
Damnit man! Why did you let them know?! Now I gotta figure out how to armor the pigeons so they're not shot out of the skies... How tiny do they make bullet proof vests? Maybe I could use a swallow instead. Does anyone here know the air speed velocity of... Never mind, I'll figure something out.
"Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted." -Groucho Marx
What the DoD will do is hire a contractor to armor the pigeons, who will then design armor that puts the pigeons over max gross weight, so they'll add wing extensions, but since pigeon wing muscles can't flap the modified wings as fast, they'll replace their little pigeon wings with fixed composite wings and pigeon-scale turbine engines.
Unfortunately the turbine engine exhaust burns pigeon tail feathers, so they'll replace these with composites also. The Air Force will see an opportunity at this point to add hard-points to the composite wings, so the wing area and turbines will be made larger, increasing cruising speed and altitude, requiring life-support for the pigeons.
Cost: about $500,000 / pigeon for the Block 20 model, assuming the contractor will be allowed to sell Block 10 Pigeon Communication and Reconnaissance (PCR) units to our allies in Saudi Arabia. Test flights slated for 2020.