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IBM Patent: Smart Floors Detect Heart Attacks, Intruders

Posted by Soulskill on from the skynet's-beginnings-are-humbler-than-i-expected dept.

An anonymous reader writes "An IBM patent issued in March describes multitouch floors that detect who is in the home and what they're doing – perfect for detecting intruders and falls, notes MSNBC. CEPro.com suggests the technology also could be used to replace cameras and sensor arrays typically required for gesture control, and could detect staggering teens and 'unregistered' boyfriends. The floors could have 'tremendous implications for home health technology.'"

12 of 80 comments (clear)

  1. Prior art surely? by slacker22 · · Score: 5, Funny

    Michael Jackson - Billie jean.

  2. Unregistered boyfriends by black6host · · Score: 3, Funny

    The floors could have 'tremendous implications for home health technology.'"

    Yep, only let registered, pre-approved and guaranteed condom carrying boyfriends into the house. Help prevented that health hazard called pregnancy :)

    1. Re:Unregistered boyfriends by Beardo+the+Bearded · · Score: 5, Funny

      As the father of a girl, I would approve the electrocution of any man in my house that's not me or my son.

      And really, my son is optional.

      And no, I didn't forget to include my dad on the list.

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      ECHELON is a government program to find words like bomb, jihad, plutonium, assassinate, and anarchy.
  3. What do you have to hide from your floor? by jeffb+(2.718) · · Score: 3, Interesting

    "But everything they said was surely tattled back to the overness, if only by the dust at their feet."

    </shudder>

  4. Re:In IBM/Soviet Floor Industry... by NoNonAlphaCharsHere · · Score: 2

    No, no, no. In Soviet Russia, YOU spy on floor!

  5. Re:Oh, great a floor...like a mother in law by ExploHD · · Score: 5, Funny

    but you can't typically stand on top of your mother in law 24/7.

    Challenge accepted

  6. WTF is wrong with the patent office? by Assmasher · · Score: 2, Insightful

    There have been floor based pressure sensor for more than a decade that do these things and they're not from IBM. The earliest uses I am aware of were for security and access control purposes (to detect when someone walked in behind someone else that had an access card.

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  7. Re:Anti-smart shoes? by vlm · · Score: 2

    How long before we see the first advertisement for special shoes to shield us from smart floors?

    Surely you've seen the classic movie "Animal House"? "unregistered boyfriends" merely need ride their motorcycle up the stairs. What could possibly go wrong?

    Lately whenever young men are in the news its traditional to put in a hoodie comment so I'm surprised the article didn't put some lame trendy crap about detecting if a young man walking on the floor is wearing a hoodie or not. Its illogically pointless, therefore required.

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    "Science flies us to the moon. Religion flies us into buildings." - Victor Stenger
  8. Hell yes by TheSpoom · · Score: 3, Funny

    This should lead to some very interesting Batman-like robberies.

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    It's better to vote for what you want and not get it than to vote for what you don't want and get it.
    - E. Debs
  9. id like a floor by nimbius · · Score: 2

    intelligent enough to txt me at work, if only to say, "your cat has oncemore lost traction on the waxed hallway floor, and smashed head on into the book case as usual with predictably hillarious results."

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    Good people go to bed earlier.
  10. Our Rich Language! by Roachie · · Score: 2

    'tremendous implications for home health technology.'"

    Huh, 'home health' must mean no-knock search/arrest warrant.

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    This sig is not paradoxical or ironic.
  11. Will monitor who's at work and who's not by gelfling · · Score: 2

    This IS IBM after all, building a smarter world, smarter than the slaves who keep it running at any rate.