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Cringely Predicts IBM Will Shed 78% of US Employees By 2015

Posted by timothy on from the should-switch-to-fashion-branding-with-cool-logo dept.

Third Position writes "Cringely with more predictions about IBM: 'The direct impetus for this column is IBM's internal plan to grow earnings-per-share (EPS) to $20 by 2015. The primary method for accomplishing this feat, according to the plan, will be by reducing U.S. employee head count by 78 percent in that time frame.' So far, Cringely's pronouncements about IBM have been approximately true, even if he missed the exact numbers and timeframes. Is he right this time?"

5 of 273 comments (clear)

  1. This joke has been done before by rudy_wayne · · Score: 5, Funny

    Several years ago somebody put out a joke press release that went something like:

    Dear Employees,

    We have calculated that reducing the workforce by 10% would result in a savings of $100 Million. Taking those calculations further, we have determined that eliminating 100% of the workforce would result in a savings of $1 Billion. Because we are committed to driving maximum shareholder value, we are announcing that we will be eliminating 110% of the workforce. The additional cuts will be achieved by laying off employees of other companies.

    When questioned if laying off 100% of the workforce would cause the company to no longer exist, the CEO replied "Nobody has ever tried this before, so let's not be too hasty to jump to conclusions".

  2. Re:Absurd - indeed! They cannot fire managers.. by scsirob · · Score: 5, Funny

    Impossible. That would mean they would have to get rid of some *managers* too! Sorry, that ain't gonna happen. People with actual knowledge, sure. R&D, perhaps. But firing MANAGERS?? No way! Someone has to fill all the procedures and spreadsheet targets, ya know..

    --
    To Terminate, or not to Terminate, that's the question - SCSIROB
  3. Re:Correct, but the reductions are through attriti by JazzLad · · Score: 4, Funny

    No, this is a boldface lie (well, it was a lie about being a lie)

    his was a baldface lie.

    --
    "If you have nothing to hide, you have nothing to fear." - Every fascist, ever
  4. if you don't get the joke, don't mod. by Thud457 · · Score: 4, Funny

    This country needs a crash program to train circus lions to eat CEOs and boardmembers.

    --

    the preceding comment is my own and in no way reflects the opinion of the Joint Chiefs of Staff

  5. Re:Federal Role? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0, Funny

    As a left winger from another country that is benefiting from your poor economy and shoddy educational system, all I can say is "Suck it up Princess"