IBM Offers Retirement With Job Guarantee Through 2013

dcblogs writes "IBM is offering employees who are nearing retirement — and may be worried about a layoff — a one-time voluntary program that would ensure their employment through Dec. 31, 2013. The program, described in a letter addressed to IBM managers, 'offers participants 70% of their pay for working 60% of their schedule.' Participating employees would receive 'the same benefits they do today, most at a full-time level, including health benefits and 401(k) Plus Plan automatic company contributions.' In 2006, IBM employed about 127,000 in U.S. The Alliance@IBM, a CWA local, now estimates the U.S. workforce at around 95,000. How far IBM will go in cutting is up for debate, including one radical estimate."

Comments

Re:They're acting like they're in trouble!

[dkleinsc]

The longer people on the payroll

That's an odd way of making the decision - there are very few businesses where how long somebody is has anything to do with their job performance.

Re:What a crock of shit

[GungaDan]

"Hallo! My name is anonymous coward. You sacked my father. Prepare to learn Mandarin."

Re:They're acting like they're in trouble!

[houghi]

I used to work at a company and they decided that each department needed a 50% cut in staff. This was calculated on actual staff, not on people actually being there.

One department should have 4 people. It was 2 people understaffed, so they fired one. Person got a nice handshake to leave. I believe several months (7 or 8) pay.

That person was re-hired after a month. I would not be surprised ig that person was hired with a higher pay then before.

Re:Incredibly good idea at any time

[Anonymous Coward]

On top of how their abrupt departure can leave some of us more junior people stranded, a lot of these guys don't know HOW to retire. They're so fully part of the Borg that once they separate, they have no idea what to do with themselves. Some come back eighteen months later as consultants or part time employees. Others sit at home and whither away. I don't think is as much a problem for Gen X'ers and younger, as we've got so much going on in our outside lives we can't wait to be free to pursue those interests.

I was in my cube, and I was just like reading Slashdot with my headphones on while my subconscious thought about how all these damn classes and methods fit together,
But then again I was reading about retiring,
And then my boss came in and I didn't even know she was there.
She tapped on my desk because I had the headphones on and I didn't hear her, and then she started screaming "MIKE! MIKE!"
And I go: "What, what's the matter?"
She goes: "What's the matter with you?"
I go: "There's nothing wrong,"
She's all: "Don't tell me that, you're slacking off!"
I go: "No, I'm not slacking off, I'm OK, I was just thinking you know, when a programmer stares at the walls he is working."
She goes: No! That's not Agile!"
I go: "No, I'm just thinking!"
She goes: "No, you're not thinking, you're slacking off! Productive people have more effective habits!"
I go: "Look, just tell me about the RIF programme, please?
All I want is to retire, roll over the 401(k), and she wouldn't let me.
Just a gold-spraypainted parachute.
And IBM wouldn't give it to me!
(I just wanted my retirement. AND THEY WOULDN'T GIVE IT TO ME!)

I'm not crazy! - INSTITUTIONALIZED!
You're the one that's crazy! - INSTITUTIONALIZED!
You're driving me crazy!- INSTITUTIONALIZED!
They stuck me in the Institution,
Building them an agile solution,
To help make sure my career is developed,
To protect them from the competition - myself.

I was sitting in my cube when the my boss and the HR manager came in and they pulled up a chair and they sat down.
They go: "Mike, we need to talk to you."
And I go: "Okay what's the matter?"
They go: "Me and the HR department have been noticing lately that you've been reading a lot of /. lately,
And you've been going off the grid for no reason,
And we're afraid you're going to hurt our bottom line,
And we're afraid you're going to hurt your career prospects.
So we decided that it would be in you're best interest if we helped you find a place
Where you could get the career guidance that you need.

And I go: "Wait, what are you talking about, WE decided!?
MY best interests?! How do you know what MY best interest is?
How can you say what MY best interest is? What are you trying to say, I'M crazy?
When I went to YOUR schools,
I went to YOUR six-sigma centers,
I went to YOUR sensitivity training seminars?!
So how can you say I'M crazy?
I'm not crazy! - INSTITUTIONALIZED!
You're the one that's crazy! - INSTITUTIONALIZED!
You're driving me crazy!- INSTITUTIONALIZED!
They stuck me in the Institution,
Building them an agile solution,
To help make sure my career is developed,
To protect them from the competition - myself.

Doesn't matter, I'll probably get laid off anyway.