CERN Announcing New LHC Results July 4th

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CERN Announcing New LHC Results July 4th

Posted by samzenpus on Monday July 2, 2012 @02:16AM from the building-block dept.

An anonymous reader writes "The Higgs boson is regarded as the key to understanding the universe. Physicists say its job is to give the particles that make up atoms their mass. Without this mass, these particles would zip though the cosmos at the speed of light, unable to bind together to form the atoms that make up everything in the universe, from planets to people. From the article: 'Five leading theoretical physicists have been invited to the event on Wednesday - sparking speculation that the particle has been discovered. Scientists at the Large Hadron Collider are expected to say they are 99.99 per cent certain it has been found - which is known as 'four sigma' level. Peter Higgs, the Edinburgh University emeritus professor of physics that the particle is named after, is among those who have been called to the press conference in Switzerland."

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This would have been first post. by daveashcroft · 2012-07-02 02:20 · Score: 4, Funny

...but it doesn't carry any weight anymore.
Heavy! by ruiner13 · 2012-07-02 02:24 · Score: 4, Funny

Marty McFly: Whoa. This is heavy.
Dr. Emmett Brown: There's that word again. "Heavy." Why are things so heavy in the future? Is there a problem with the Earth's gravitational pull?

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today is spelling optional day.
The real question is... by StripedCow · 2012-07-02 02:24 · Score: 4, Funny

Does it have round corners?

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If Pandora's box is destined to be opened, *I* want to be the one to open it.
Risky experiment by PTBarnum · 2012-07-02 02:25 · Score: 4, Funny

If we prove that the God Particle exists, will it vanish in a puff of logic?
Re:It isn't a sub atomic particle party until... by JackCroww · 2012-07-02 02:26 · Score: 1, Funny

If they're going to have cake, Chell better be invited too...

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"Ayn Rand is a bloody socialist compared to me." - Robert A. Heinlein
Who is this Higgs... by rcasha2 · 2012-07-02 02:27 · Score: 5, Funny

...and why is everyone trying to get a peek at her bosom? :)
1. Re:Who is this Higgs... by vlm · 2012-07-02 02:47 · Score: 4, Funny
  
  ...and why is everyone trying to get a peek at her bosom? :)
  Wrong end. You're thinking of mesons, specifically one made out of two "top" quarks. They follow the anti-heisenberg uncertainty principle where the better you can see their position, perhaps because they're unconfined, then the better you can see the effects on them of momentum and vibration/oscillation. I like high energy/high mass mesons like that, but Higgs is not a meson so it's all rather irrelevant.
  Higgs particle, speaking to husband: "Honey, does this Large Hadron Collider make my butt look fat?" They would have been more likely to get a peek if they told her it was the "Petite Hadron Collider", or if they told her there was a shoe sale there.
  
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  "Science flies us to the moon. Religion flies us into buildings." - Victor Stenger
Re:It isn't a sub atomic particle party until... by xQuarkDS9x · 2012-07-02 02:29 · Score: 3, Funny

If Mr. Freeman's invited better have some crowbars and other weapons ready in case alien creatures and head crabs jump out of the machinery! :)

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You must master your joystick like a fisherman masters bait! - Gimpy
Let's get this one out of the way by davidbrit2 · 2012-07-02 02:33 · Score: 5, Funny

Yo mamma's so fat, CERN used her to find the Higgs-Boson with four-sigma certainty.
1. Re:Let's get this one out of the way by paiute · 2012-07-02 02:50 · Score: 5, Funny
  
  Yo mamma so stupid, she thought the Higgs Boson would be found in the 149-206 GeV/c2 mass range.
  
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2. Re:Let's get this one out of the way by Anonymous Coward · 2012-07-02 03:09 · Score: 5, Funny
  
  Yo mamma so stupid, she forgot to calculate the rate of Beta events with a standard dilepton invariant mass at a subleading order in the hybrid expansion when she was reducing the perturbative uncertainty in the determination of Vub from semileptonic Beta decays.
3. Re:Let's get this one out of the way by ArsonSmith · 2012-07-02 03:51 · Score: 4, Funny
  
  Yo mamma so stupid, she ... uhh scored ... umm very low on an ... uhh IQ test.
  
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It's lame news anyway. by Rei · 2012-07-02 02:44 · Score: 3, Funny

I was expecting an exciting ending to the search, but it just ended up being a big deus ex machina.

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Interesting Date Choice by guttentag · 2012-07-02 02:46 · Score: 1, Funny

They're going to have a display of the excitation of the Higgs field above its ground state on a day when the U.S. will hold displays of excitation above its ground states across the country. Perhaps in the future the day will be known as Higgsdependence Day?
1. Re:Interesting Date Choice by Antipater · 2012-07-02 03:20 · Score: 2, Funny
  
  Well, yeah. It's the particle that gives things mass. It's only fitting that they announce it during the celebration of the fattest nation on Earth.
  
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  Everything is better with chainsaws.
Re:It isn't a sub atomic particle party until... by Anonymous Coward · 2012-07-02 03:18 · Score: 1, Funny

....Gordon Freeman's invited.
Seriously though, they'll find another one won't they, so can I theorise that the Higgs Boson is made up of, say Anonymous Coward Bosons? I've always wanted to be famous...
No, No. ACs are made of bogons.
Re:"one in a a trillion" event by dotancohen · 2012-07-02 03:44 · Score: 4, Funny

... and have fallen to the center of the Earth where they don't hurt anything.
Fallen? And what do you thing happens when they get there with some velocity?
Such black holes almost certainly exist, not only in the Earth but in all other large bodies as well. But they aren't "fallen" in the center, but rather orbiting the body inside of it, possibly eating a few atoms on each orbit. In any case I wouldn't call that "harmless" but rather "mostly harmless". I wouldn't mind one passing through my fingernails, but I might be upset if it ate away at a bit of my brain.
Maybe this explains memory loss... Scientists!

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Re:Beyond the Higgs Boson? by ArsonSmith · 2012-07-02 04:06 · Score: 4, Funny

nothing else. This is the last thing we need to discover then we're done and can get on with life.

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Paying taxes to buy civilization is like paying a hooker to buy love.