US Missile Defense Staff Told To Stop Watching Porn

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US Missile Defense Staff Told To Stop Watching Porn

Posted by Soulskill on Friday August 3, 2012 @05:11AM from the first-world-problems dept.

An anonymous reader writes "John James Jr., director of the U.S. Missile Defense Agency, who is responsible for the nation's missile defense system, recently sent out a one-page memo warning employees and contractors to stop using agency computers to visit pornographic Web sites. That's right; apparently they were watching the wrong type of bombshells."

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Why? by Githaron · 2012-08-03 05:13 · Score: 5, Funny

Why is this considered news?
1. Re:Why? by Desler · 2012-08-03 05:15 · Score: 5, Funny
  
  Because they were playing with the wrong type of missiles?
2. Re:Why? by DickBreath · 2012-08-03 05:27 · Score: 5, Funny
  
  Because watching pr0n isn't being productive like those of us who read Slashdot.
  
  --
  
  I'll see your senator, and I'll raise you two judges.
3. Re:Why? by Anonymous Coward · 2012-08-03 06:00 · Score: 5, Funny
  
  Well, still better if only a meat-rocket goes off, instead of a minute-man. ...wait
4. Re:Why? by sycodon · 2012-08-03 06:14 · Score: 4, Funny
  
  Whatever...they tell me to stop looking at porn all the time too.
  
  --
  When Fascism comes to America, it will call itself Anti-Fascism, and tell you to give up your guns.
5. Re:Why? by Anonymous Coward · 2012-08-03 06:14 · Score: 5, Funny
  
  be the first recorded case of premature ejaculation that made the earth move for her too
6. Re:Why? by Anonymous Coward · 2012-08-03 06:44 · Score: 4, Funny
  
  Thanks. I just got fired.
7. Re:Why? by stretch0611 · 2012-08-03 07:08 · Score: 4, Funny
  
  Pron IS productive for these people. Aren't they trained constantly to launch their missile and have them explode. Watching porn is no more than a training video.
  If we go to war and they are told to launch their missile and watch them explode, they will be ready and perform their duty well.
  And if they watched enough "training videos" they will be able to control the timing of that launch and subsequent missile explosion with remarkable accuracy due to all their practice and training.
  
  --
  Looking for a job?
  Want your resume written professionally?
  DON'T USE TUNAREZ!!!
8. Re:Why? by harrkev · 2012-08-03 08:46 · Score: 3, Funny
  
  If hjfwiufiwubfqwfuwwe.com serves up porn, how am I supposed to know?
  It doesn't. That domain does not even exist. Thanks for the non-existent tip.
  
  --
  "-1 Troll" is the apparently the same as "-1 I disagree with you."
9. Re:Why? by Impy+the+Impiuos+Imp · 2012-08-03 10:12 · Score: 5, Funny
  
  > Apparently they were watching the wrong type of bombshells.
  Brian: Dumb joke.
  Stewie: You think it's so easy, name 12.
  Brian:
  Apparently they were watching the wrong type of missiles.
  Apparently they were watching the wrong type of payloads.
  Apparently they were watching the wrong type of shots.
  Apparently they were watching the wrong type of O-rings.
  Apparently they were watching the wrong type of re-entry procedure.
  Apparently they were watching the wrong type of liquid coolant.
  Apparently they were watching the wrong type of emergency ejection.
  Apparently they were watching the wrong type of solid rocket.
  Apparently they were watching the wrong type of holding pattern.
  Apparently they were watching the wrong type of engine flameout.
  Apparently they were watching the wrong type of fire surpression system.
  Apparently they were watching the wrong type of throttle up.
  Stewie: Name 5 more.
  Brian:
  Apparently they were watching the wrong type of loading the cargo bay.
  Apparently they were watching the wrong type of playing with the funny arm.
  Apparently they were watching the wrong type of rubber suit.
  Apparently they were watching the wrong type of trans docking.
  Apparently they were watching the wrong type of linkup.
  Stewie: Name 6 more.
  Brian:
  Apparently they were watching the wrong type of system failure.
  Apparently they were watching the wrong type of manual procedure.
  Apparently they were watching the wrong type of stirring the tank.
  Apparently they were watching the wrong type of evacuation procedure.
  Apparently they were watching the wrong type of moon rover.
  Apparently they were watching the wrong type of boot to the moon.
  Stewie: (Throws guitar on the floor) F(bleep) you!
  Brian:
  Apparently they were watching the wrong type of separation procedure.
  Apparently they were watching the wrong type of Weiner von Braun.
  Apparently they were watching the wrong type of 'tang.
  Apparently they were watching the wrong type of ...
  Stewie: Now you die.
  
  --
  (-1: Post disagrees with my already-settled worldview) is not a valid mod option.
the right idea by Anonymous Coward · 2012-08-03 05:13 · Score: 4, Funny

make love not war baby!
1. Re:the right idea by DickBreath · 2012-08-03 05:28 · Score: 5, Funny
  
  During a war, making love is what results in a war baby.
  
  --
  
  I'll see your senator, and I'll raise you two judges.
In wonder if... by Anonymous Coward · 2012-08-03 05:18 · Score: 3, Funny

...this means our missile defense has been shooting blanks this whole time?
cue to the missile jokes.... by schlachter · 2012-08-03 05:20 · Score: 5, Funny

Johnson: [notices Dr. Evil's spaceship on radar] Colonel, you better take a look at this radar.
Colonel: What is it, son?
Johnson: I don't know, sir, but it looks like a giant--
[cut to the sky in two jets]
Jet Pilot: Dick!
Dick: Yeah?
Pilot: Take a look outta starboard.
Dick: Oh, my God! It looks like a huge--
[cut to a forest with 2 birdwatchers]
Bird-Watching Woman: Pecker!
Bird-Watching Man: [raises his binoculars] Oh, where?
Bird-Watching Woman: Wait! that's not a woodpecker. It looks like someone's--
[cut to a boot camp]
Army Sergeant: PRIVATES! We have reports of an unidentified flying object! It is a long, smooth shaft, complete with--
[cut to a baseball game]
Umpire: 2 balls! [looks up from game] What is that? That looks just like an enormous--
[cut to a Chinese school]
Teacher: Wang! Pay attention!
Wang: I was distracted by that enormous flying--
[cut to a concert with Willie Nelson and another guitarist]
Musician: Willie.
Willie: Yeah?
Musician: What's that?
Willie: [looks up] Well, it looks like a giant--
[cut back to headquarters]
Colonel: Johnson!
Johnson: Yes, sir!
Colonel: Get on the horn to British Intelligence and let them know about this!

--
My God can beat up your God. Just kidding...don't take offense. I know there's no God.
Re:Why not? by Anonymous Coward · 2012-08-03 05:42 · Score: 2, Funny

Oh, yeah - and YOU'RE going to be willing to push that button after Lance has been there jerking off all day. Fuck that - let somebody else launch the missile, I'm going to go get some chlorox and a gallon purel before I even think about touching it.
Re:Check. by SuricouRaven · 2012-08-03 07:23 · Score: 4, Funny

The only people I've seen use :> are furrys. It's the bird-smily.

Go on. Just admit it :>