US Missile Defense Staff Told To Stop Watching Porn

An anonymous reader writes "John James Jr., director of the U.S. Missile Defense Agency, who is responsible for the nation's missile defense system, recently sent out a one-page memo warning employees and contractors to stop using agency computers to visit pornographic Web sites. That's right; apparently they were watching the wrong type of bombshells."

Comments

Why?

[Githaron]

Why is this considered news?

Re:Why?

[Desler]

Because they were playing with the wrong type of missiles?

Re:Why?

[DickBreath]

Because watching pr0n isn't being productive like those of us who read Slashdot.

Re:Why?

[jank1887]

because of this tidbit in the Bloomberg article:

"Using what is called steganography, Cunningham said, a programmer can embed malicious computer code that infects computers, opens ports, steals data or gains access to networks when photos, videos or other files are downloaded."

Now, THAT's news. So, now, instead of malware writers using steganography to hide commands or payload data accessed by normal executable malware code, we have steganographic malware that autoexecutes just by being downloaded! I'll get started on the GIMP payload filter...

Re:Why?

[Anonymous Coward]

Well, still better if only a meat-rocket goes off, instead of a minute-man. ...wait

Re:Why?

[Anonymous Coward]

be the first recorded case of premature ejaculation that made the earth move for her too

Re:Why?

[ultranova]

The real question is, why arent these less than half a dozen getting fired?
If they have time to watch porn, then the position they are filling is not required.

There are quire a few positions where periods of activity and waiting alternate. Trying to "remove the slack" in such scenarios typically results in small savings in periods of passivity and huge disasters in periods of activity. This is especially true in scenarios like missile defense where activity periods depend on some unpredictable external factor - it's too late to hire staff when the air raid sirens start blaring, and having enough staff to handle a missile attack means that you'll have more than you need when an attack is not incoming.

But even beyond that, human beings aren't capable of giving 100% 8 hours a day. If you try to make them, those who can leave for greener pastures and those who can't concentrate on looking busy, rather than doing their job. The end result is that you'll end up with incompetent, unmotivated people trying their best to deceive the management.

But perhaps this isn't about wasted time but porn. If so, then please remember that this is a position that likely requires quite a bit of highly specialized training. Is punishing people for being impure sinners a good enough reason to justify the cost of training their replacements? Maybe, maybe not - but since this training would come out of taxpayer money, it would probably be best to not pay to enforce any moral code that doesn't absolutely have to be.

Re:Why?

[Impy the Impiuos Imp]

> Apparently they were watching the wrong type of bombshells.

Brian: Dumb joke.
Stewie: You think it's so easy, name 12.

Brian:
Apparently they were watching the wrong type of missiles.
Apparently they were watching the wrong type of payloads.
Apparently they were watching the wrong type of shots.
Apparently they were watching the wrong type of O-rings.
Apparently they were watching the wrong type of re-entry procedure.
Apparently they were watching the wrong type of liquid coolant.
Apparently they were watching the wrong type of emergency ejection.
Apparently they were watching the wrong type of solid rocket.
Apparently they were watching the wrong type of holding pattern.
Apparently they were watching the wrong type of engine flameout.
Apparently they were watching the wrong type of fire surpression system.
Apparently they were watching the wrong type of throttle up.

Stewie: Name 5 more.

Brian:
Apparently they were watching the wrong type of loading the cargo bay.
Apparently they were watching the wrong type of playing with the funny arm.
Apparently they were watching the wrong type of rubber suit.
Apparently they were watching the wrong type of trans docking.
Apparently they were watching the wrong type of linkup.

Stewie: Name 6 more.

Brian:
Apparently they were watching the wrong type of system failure.
Apparently they were watching the wrong type of manual procedure.
Apparently they were watching the wrong type of stirring the tank.
Apparently they were watching the wrong type of evacuation procedure.
Apparently they were watching the wrong type of moon rover.
  Apparently they were watching the wrong type of boot to the moon.

Stewie: (Throws guitar on the floor) F(bleep) you!

Brian:
  Apparently they were watching the wrong type of separation procedure.
  Apparently they were watching the wrong type of Weiner von Braun.
  Apparently they were watching the wrong type of 'tang.
  Apparently they were watching the wrong type of ...

Stewie: Now you die.

cue to the missile jokes....

[schlachter]

Johnson: [notices Dr. Evil's spaceship on radar] Colonel, you better take a look at this radar.
Colonel: What is it, son?
Johnson: I don't know, sir, but it looks like a giant--
[cut to the sky in two jets]
Jet Pilot: Dick!
Dick: Yeah?
Pilot: Take a look outta starboard.
Dick: Oh, my God! It looks like a huge--
[cut to a forest with 2 birdwatchers]
Bird-Watching Woman: Pecker!
Bird-Watching Man: [raises his binoculars] Oh, where?
Bird-Watching Woman: Wait! that's not a woodpecker. It looks like someone's--
[cut to a boot camp]
Army Sergeant: PRIVATES! We have reports of an unidentified flying object! It is a long, smooth shaft, complete with--
[cut to a baseball game]
Umpire: 2 balls! [looks up from game] What is that? That looks just like an enormous--
[cut to a Chinese school]
Teacher: Wang! Pay attention!
Wang: I was distracted by that enormous flying--
[cut to a concert with Willie Nelson and another guitarist]
Musician: Willie.
Willie: Yeah?
Musician: What's that?
Willie: [looks up] Well, it looks like a giant--
[cut back to headquarters]
Colonel: Johnson!
Johnson: Yes, sir!
Colonel: Get on the horn to British Intelligence and let them know about this!

Re:the right idea

[DickBreath]

During a war, making love is what results in a war baby.