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80,000lbs of Walnuts Purloined In Northern California

Posted by samzenpus on from the that's-a-lot-of-baklava dept.

Penurious Penguin writes "While not quite as epic or bitter as losing 600 barrels of maple syrup — in two separate heists, 80,000lbs of walnuts have been stolen in Northern California since last week. The heist was discovered after the walnuts failed to reach their destinations in Miami, FL and Dallas, TX. If you happen to see a large man (approximately 6' 2") driving a white semi-trailer and munching on $300,000 worth of walnuts, it may be the villain. Officers with highly trained squirrels have yet to be posted at interstate weigh-stations."

9 of 127 comments (clear)

  1. That's nutty! by java_dev · · Score: 3, Funny

    Thank you, I'll be here all week!

    1. Re:That's nutty! by roc97007 · · Score: 3, Funny

      ...and I will be somewhere else...

      --
      Oliver's law of assumed responsibility: If you're seen fixing it, you will be blamed for breaking it.
  2. knock, knock by badford · · Score: 4, Funny

    who's there?

    Walnut.

    Walnut Who?

    Walnut too strong, don't lean on t.

    (hahahahaha. I crack myself up. get it? walnut? *crack* myself up? come on! )

    --
    -badford
  3. This is modern terrorism. by Lord_of_the_nerf · · Score: 4, Funny

    Hitting America where it hurts....the nuts.

  4. Re:Ok.. Seriously!! by Penurious+Penguin · · Score: 3, Funny

    I find it suspicious that your UID ( hutsell ) is merely an "n" away from a permuted nutshell. Who are you working for?

    --
    Forward! -- Emperor Norton, 2012
  5. Re:I smell onions? by king+neckbeard · · Score: 5, Funny

    Between this and the maple syrup theft, there is obviously a comic book supervillain on the loose. Thus, it's comic book news, which is news for nerds.

    --
    This is my signature. There are many like it, but this one is mine.
  6. A good start by uvajed_ekil · · Score: 3, Funny

    Man, I hate me some walnuts. They don't add anything to the food they are used in, they get stuck in my teeth, and they taste bitter. I wish somebody would steal ALL of them, and get into a huge fireball of a wreck on the highway (with no one hurt, of course). Now, if this were about pecans I might actually give a shit. Pecan pie season is upon us!

    BTW, I saw a couple of pretty shady looking squirrels apparently making some sort of deal this morning.

    --
    This is a hacked account, for which the owner can not be held responsible.
  7. It's obvious... by SeaFox · · Score: 3, Funny

    Someone must be planning to get on Santa's good side with a reeaally big plate of cookies.

    Be on the lookout for future heists of butter, sugar, flour, raisins, rolled oats in the next few weeks.

  8. THAT'S A LOT OF NUTS! by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0, Funny

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T7W3gd7gJUw