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The Science of Hugo Chavez's Long Term Embalming
Hugh Pickens writes writes "Discover Magazine reports that Hugo Chavez will apparently get an embalming job designed to keep him looking alive for decades similar to that of Russia's Vladimir Lenin, whose body still lies in a mausoleum in Moscow's Red Square, nearly 90 years after his death. So how do you preserve a human body for decades without it turning into a pile of melted tissue? First, get to work quickly. Upon death, the human body starts decomposing immediately. The way to stop it is with formaldehyde, a preservative used for the past century, which inhibits the enzyme decomposition as well as killing bacteria. 'You pump the chemical in, and as the formaldehyde hits the cells of the body, it firms up the protein of the cell, or fixates it,' says Vernie Fountain, head of the Fountain National Academy of Professional Embalming Skills in Springfield, Mo. 'That's what makes them stiff.' With a body that will have to be on display for years, it's likely to require a top-shelf, super-strong solution. 'If I were doing Hugo Chavez, I would strengthen the solution and use more preservative product,' says Fountain. Next, get a good moisturizer. Formaldehyde preserves, but it also dries out the body. Vaseline or other moisturizers can preserve the look of skin, according to Melissa Johnson Williams, executive director of the American Society of Embalmers. Finally keep cool. Heat decomposes a body so for long term preservation, the body has to be kept at the temperature of a standard kitchen refrigerator, somewhere in the mid-40s. Lastly, if Venezuelans really want to keep Hugo Chavez around forever, like many other world figures, there's only one solution that works, according to Fountain. 'The best form of preservation is mummification.'"
But I highly doubt they're going to be able to do this properly.
I doubt their embalming job would last a year.
They just don't strike me as the kind of people who can pull it off.
Check out the web site for "Fountain National Academy of Professional Embalming Skills". If these guys do embalming with the same professionalism they utilize with web site creation, they'd get better results if they stuck Chavez in a blender.
Faster! Faster! Faster would be better!
I'm up to single malt whiskey now and plan to switch to Everclear by my 70s. If I drop in my 80s they should be able to prop my corpse in the corner and use it as a coat rack.
After they have him stuffed they fit him with animatronics so he'll jump up every so often to scare the shit out of tourists.
Did you know 80 to 90% of the moderators on slashdot wouldn't recognize a troll even if one dragged them under a bridge.
He was jerky enough when he was alive
Good old Jeremy Bentham makes an entertaining visit...
But is it utilitarian?