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Lawyer Loses It In Letter To Patent Office

bizwriter writes "Nobody would ever say that the world of patent law is a roller coaster of excitement but every now and then something interesting happens. Take this attorney who was angry over a patent examiner's rejection of his client's application. Here are a few snippets from the lawyers letter to the examiner: 'Are you drunk? No, seriously... are you drinking scotch and whiskey with a side of crack cocaine while you "examine" patent applications? (Heavy emphasis on the quotes.) Do you just mail merge rejection letters from your home? Is that what taxpayers are getting in exchange for your services? Have you even read the patent application? I'm curious. Because you either haven't read the patent application or are... (I don't want to say the "R" word) "Special."....Your job is not a joke, but you are turning it into a regular three ring circus. If you can't motivate yourself to take your job seriously, then you need to quit and let someone else take over what that actually wants to do the job right.'"

15 of 342 comments (clear)

  1. Shame the patent application isn't linked... by Dr_Barnowl · · Score: 4, Funny

    It would amusing to pick it apart and see how much prior art and how many ridiculous claims it contained.

    1. Re:Shame the patent application isn't linked... by MiniMike · · Score: 4, Funny

      Instead of water, this sprinkler cart sprays juvenile insults.

    2. Re:Shame the patent application isn't linked... by gandhi_2 · · Score: 5, Funny

      You forgot the most important part.

      sprays juvenile insults on the internet.

  2. Re:I'm not a patent lawyer, but I can tell you thi by Infiniti2000 · · Score: 4, Funny

    To be shortly followed by a letter of apology from said patent attorney, whose business shall immediately take a dive.

  3. Re:I'm not a patent lawyer, but I can tell you thi by Joce640k · · Score: 5, Funny

    He should be disbarred for giving lawyers a bad name (yes, that's possible...)

    --
    No sig today...
  4. Re:I'm not a patent lawyer, but I can tell you thi by Arancaytar · · Score: 4, Funny

    Of course! Insulting the US patent office is a known technique to guarantee your submission will be calmly and objectively reviewed. Do it now.

    Just be glad you don't have to pay a license fee for that technique. See, this lawyer tried to patent it, but...

  5. Re:I'm not a patent lawyer, but I can tell you thi by KiloByte · · Score: 5, Funny

    "It's just the bad 95% of us that give the rest a bad name" -- Ray Beckerman (quoted from memory, might be inexact)

    --
    The creatures outside looked from Alt-Right to Antifa; but already it was impossible to say which was which.
  6. Fake Story by MyLongNickName · · Score: 5, Funny

    I am amazed at how many Slashdotters fell for this story. The part that made it obviously fake was when the patent office rejected an application.Try to be a bit more discerning Slashdot.

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    See my journal for slashdot ID's by year. Mine created in 2005. http://slashdot.org/journal/289875/slashdot-ids-by-year
  7. Re:that's how a 15 years old teenager by ObsessiveMathsFreak · · Score: 4, Funny

    We are Reagans children!! We are the Masters of the Universe!!

    Uncle Reagan promised us money! Why is the Government getting in our way!??! This Dysfunctional world is our God given Birthright!!

    --
    May the Maths Be with you!
  8. Re:I'm not a patent lawyer, but I can tell you thi by interkin3tic · · Score: 3, Funny

    The USPTO seems to be insulting itself worse. I'd rather everyone know I was drunk and on coke than everyone know I was a useless rubber stamp, enabling patent trolls to leech off of society.

  9. Re:I'm not a patent lawyer, but I can tell you thi by ArsonSmith · · Score: 5, Funny

    Probably misquoted as well, but I always liked, "It's just some of the lawyers out there that give a really bad name to the other three."

    --
    Paying taxes to buy civilization is like paying a hooker to buy love.
  10. Re:I'm not a patent lawyer, but I can tell you thi by niftydude · · Score: 5, Funny
    Didn't realize it was possible. Here's an exchange I was told is from an actual court transcript. I really hope it happened as recorded:

    * Lawyer: "Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?"
    * Witness: "No."
    * Lawyer: "Did you check for blood pressure?"
    * Witness: "No."
    * Lawyer: "Did you check for breathing?"
    * Witness: "No."
    * Lawyer: "So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?"
    * Witness: "No."
    * Lawyer: "How can you be so sure, Doctor?"
    * Witness: "Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar."
    * Lawyer: "But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?"
    * Witness: "Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere."

    --
    You can never know everything, and part of what you do know will always be wrong. Perhaps even the most important part.
  11. Hammering the table by JDG1980 · · Score: 3, Funny

    There's an old legal saying that if the facts are against you, you should hammer the law; if the law is against you, you should hammer the facts; and if both are against you, you should hammer on the table. Since this guy doesn't cite any particular laws or facts to defend his position, he's apparently resorting to hammering on the table.

  12. Re:Tripod + Sprinkler != Patent by SpzToid · · Score: 4, Funny

    What if I call it a "self standing three-legged device". What if I call it an iSprinkler?

    You mean a dog?

    --
    You can't be ahead of the curve, if you're stuck in a loop.
  13. Re:I'm not a patent lawyer, but I can tell you thi by nblender · · Score: 3, Funny

    "When lawyers take Viagra they get taller ..."

    - Bowser and Blue