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Marriages Spawned From Online Dating As Satisfying As From Traditional Dating
sciencehabit writes "Millions of people first met their spouses through online dating. But how have those marriages fared compared with those of people who met in more traditional venues such as bars or parties? Pretty well, according to a new study. A survey of nearly 20,000 Americans reveals that marriages between people who met online are at least as stable and satisfying as those who first met in the real world—possibly more so."
Caveat: I meet my Significant Other online, although not on a dating site. :/
The benefit of meeting online is that you're pretty much forced to talk, and talk, and talk. It's not like you can take them to a movie and then then make out in the back of the car - instead you'll have to show them that you're a likeable person they would like to spend more time with. Goes double when you're on different continents and all that... before either party gets on a plane both parties needs to be sure that they are comfertable with seeing this person they have talked to for a while. On the other hand, the guy you ran into in the coffee-shop who ask you out to see a movie may be the biggest creep in modern history - and if you let him drive you home he knows where you live
TL:DR; Online dating works because you must talk and reveal yourself to the other before meeting.
Everything in the world is controlled by a small, evil group to which, unfortunately, no one you know belongs.
This is like saying that raspberry pies baked with raspberries you go to the store to buy taste the same as raspberry pies baked with raspberries your spouse buys from the store. Same raspberries, same cook, just a different way of getting the starting ingredients.
"on the other side I didn't know about the extent of the despression / suicidal thoughts from abuse and neglect." Don't worry, her parents weren't going to let that slip to any IRL Suitors either.
How many people prior to the 90s had to settle for whoever they met in a 50 mile radius of their place of birth?
I've known many guys who talked pretty much like that. High standards that don't apply to themselves, and for some odd reason - they're all single. Baffling.
... whatever
There are 56 posts and nobody asked about arranged marriages? Or other forms of pair bonding. I am disappointed in you nerds.
I don't want to be embarassed when others see me with her, nor do I want her to be embarassed when others see her with me.
That's not a girlfriend, that's a tattoo.
Online dating--the person representing themselves as a woman could be catfishing and really be a man. Of they could be bisexual. Or they may be a heterosexual woman but they photoshopped their picture. They may want someone's person information and then not give much information themselves.
Online dating is not a substitute for meeting in person, it is a way to extend your reach for a higher chance of meeting someone compatible, and then meeting in person. And so what if the one you've set up a date with turns out to be a lesbian dolphin trainer? Worst case scenario: you wasted an evening and have a new story to tell.
... whatever
It's a fantasy and illusion - why should there be any difference at all?
People don't advertise their mental illnesses in bars either. You usually find out that stuff by meeting them in person and getting to know them. And you're going to do that anyway, no matter how you met them, as that's the entire point, isn't it?
More importantly, you get to focus on interests and personality before you even meet. In bars, you're more likely to focus on looks, on "I'd like to tap that ass", and that's not a great basis for a stable long-term relationship.
My wife of 5.5 years and I originally noticed each other because of our shared interest in sailing, foreign countries and religion (and indeed basic literacy), but it's when we started mailing, and then calling, and then meeting in person, that we discovered how well we matched in other, more subtle and intangible ways. The physical match is important, but so is the mental/psychological match, and that's so easily forgotten when you start with the physical match right away.
kindergardeners make the best wives. Ask mohammed, or uriah (2 samual 12, little lamb).
A young pretty girl will be a better bride than a college woman.
Also note deuteronomy 22 28-29 (in hebrew)
I don't want to be embarassed when others see me with her, nor do I want her to be embarassed when others see her with me.
If you're dating for other people instead of each other, don't bother. Fuck what other people think. If you've found the right person, your real friends will accept him/her. If it's all about image, you're not ready for a serious relationship.
Don't even tell me about long distance relationships, my wife and I are from two different countries (I'm Italian, she's Polish), and had to fly to each other for 3 years... $deity bless low-cost flights!
Actually I accidentally stumbled on her on ICQ while I was looking for another girl, figures. We were teens back then and we were just good online friends for years, while both of us had other relations IRL.
Then the year I started working I was left home alone for summer while my parents were on vacation, so I decided to invite her to stay at my home. I really didn't have plans, I just wanted to meet an interesting person I've been interacting with for years. One year later we were engaged, but had to wait another two years before getting married as she was finishing her studies.
We're now happily married for 4 years, I know it's not long enough for drawing anything conclusive, but it feels good and I'm not regretting anything.
On a side note, we're pretty different people, she's not really the geeky kind, even though she has a great interest in literature and language (she's got an MA in English Philology), but I find having someone with such different points of view to debate with actually stimulating.
Online is just one of many ways to meet someone initially... it still takes a shitload of work to make it work.
Bit of a digression, but during the UKs recent Gay Marriage debate, an awful lot of conservative/religious commentators were spouting endlessly about how 'natural' marriage is.
If that's so, why do married people always go on about what hard work it is. Surly 'natural'='easy'.
OR you can simply not get married and don't take on all the legal and emotional baggage that comes with the most peculiar institution. If a woman doesn't want to be with you unless you get married, she's not after your personality and chiseled jaw buddy.
While the first couple you mention may indeed be sleeping in separate rooms because of a bad marriage, their sleeping arrangement is the sole evidence presented to us that the marriage is bad. There are many reasons for sleeping in separate rooms, sleeping disorders in particular, none of which are an indication regarding the quality of the marriage.
Other than that, I agree.
I don't think that the way in which you meet a person matter nearly as much as how the two people choose to behave towards each other. It's a long series of compromises on one side or the other or ideally on both sides.
A lot of people hunger to meet that "perfect" mate, but that mindset is a little silly, how could anyone personify such a fantasy? The "perfect" mate is a caricature, not a person, because real people have flaws. Good relationships can work on problems or work around problems, but if the people involved are holding out for perfection they don't work as hard at it.
I completely agree that differences aren't necessarily a bad thing, differences between people can add additional perspective to the relationship. If they learn to appreciate each other's differences, the couple can gain as a whole.
But surely after 10 years, "how you met" has faded into insignificance, compared with all the other factors that strengthen or weaken the marriage.
I beg to differ. How you met is very significant. If you meet your future wife in some bar in some small town in some flyover state, you may have actually settled with much less that you desired, simply because the pool of available future spouses was very small at the time.
The long term success of your marriage will be based on its foundation. If the foundation is nothing more than your spouse being a hot chick or hunk, you're gonna have a bad time. If, on the other hand, you and your spouse have matching interests, goals in life and a similar long term plan, you have an actual chance of defeating the divorce odds.
Online datingsites give you the ability to weed out anyone who is out of your league (and vice versa, for tha tmatter), and enable you to match on important stuff, not just the exterior.
I'm not a complete idiot... Some parts are missing.
Yes, I know, "opposites attract," but the theme of online dating usually seems to be "find another Christian, like you," or "find another non-drinker, like you," or "find a geek, like you," or.... well, you get the picture: "find another you." So my impression, at least, is that online dating helps you find someone who is either like you or who already likes someone like you.
And what's the problem with that? Many people have certain things they're looking for in a partner, and with online dating you can much more quickly find available people who have those characteristics. Many, many Christians do NOT want to date non-Christians; their pastors constantly tell them "don't be unequally yoked" (translation: don't date non-Christians), so they just look for partners at their little church, and of course that's not much of a supply. Online dating lets them find people who go to different churches. Or, my personal problem, I don't drink (beyond a glass of wine once in a while), so I don't frequent bars and I'm not interested in dating alcoholics (which is what you'll likely find at a bar), so personally I had tons of trouble ever finding a date when I was younger; with online dating, you can meet people who also aren't big drinkers. For some odd reason, in America, there are only two primary places to find dates in "meatspace": in bars and in churches. So if you're neither an alcoholic nor a holy-roller, and if you're a male who works in a male-dominated industry (engineering and IT), you might find yourself with few decent options besides online dating.
Of course, it might just be that you meet so many 'crazy chicks' because sane women know how to spot a misogynistic Neanderthal from miles away.
"I know I will be modded down for this": where's the option '-1, Asking for it'?