Slashdot Mirror


Former NSA Chief Warns Hackers Will Attack US If Snowden Is Captured

Okian Warrior writes "The Guardian is reporting Michael Hayden speculating that hackers and transparency groups are likely to respond with cyber-terror attacks if the United States government apprehends whistleblower Edward Snowden. Hayden called the potential attackers 'Nihilists, anarchists, activists, Lulzsec, Anonymous, twentysomethings who haven't talked to the opposite sex in five or six years.'"

19 of 413 comments (clear)

  1. Old Married people? by ka9dgx · · Score: 5, Funny

    What do old married persons (people who haven't talked to the opposite sex in years), have to do with this?

    1. Re:Old Married people? by Galaga88 · · Score: 5, Funny

      Wife: My husband hasn't spoken to me in years.
      Husband: I know you don't like me to interrupt you.

    2. Re:Old Married people? by Notabadguy · · Score: 5, Funny

      The joke is on Mr. Hayden. Calling upstairs for your mom to bring you dinner totally counts as talking to members of the opposite sex.

  2. Nihilists? by Galaga88 · · Score: 5, Funny

    Nihilists! Fuck me. I mean, say what you like about the tenets of National Socialism, Dude, at least it's an ethos.

    1. Re:Nihilists? by CodeHog · · Score: 4, Funny

      Dude, the rug ties the room together.

      --
      Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son.
  3. Meanwhile by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    This claim was made by a fossilised old fart who hasn't managed to get a rise out of his dick for thirty years and has decided to take it out on everyone else who isn't having a problem satisfying themselves and their partners sexually.

    If Hayden hadn't been spending the last 20 years trying to fuck over the entire country en-masse, he'd still be able to get a hard-on for normal sexual thoughts about individual people.

    1. Re:Meanwhile by TheNastyInThePasty · · Score: 4, Funny

      Can we get a +1 BURN?

      --
      The best thing about UDP jokes is I don't care if you get them or not
    2. Re:Meanwhile by interkin3tic · · Score: 3, Funny

      I'd rather we didn't stoop to his level, but if insults about sexuality are what will win or lose the fight against government surveillance, sure. I've heard things about certain NSA chiefs who torture dogs while masturbating. I don't believe those rumors personally, but I'm just saying, Hayden has yet to say publically he DOESN'T fuck puppies to death.

    3. Re:Meanwhile by interkin3tic · · Score: 4, Funny

      The above post was a lie. I was lying. I'm going to spend the next few years vacationing now in some place that doesn't have the internet, so you probably won't hear from me.

      All praise the NSA, benevolent defenders of freedom.

      Sincerely,
      Little Girl

  4. Out of touch with reality by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    In other news: crotchety old man demands kids get off his damn lawn.

    1. Re:Out of touch with reality by Grey+Geezer · · Score: 4, Funny

      As a crotchety old man I resent that! It is quite possible to be concerned about threats to the 4th admendment and still want kids to stay off of the lawn.

      --
      The USA is only 4X older than me...perspective
  5. Hours of ad hominem fun. by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 4, Funny

    Mod Hayden -1 Troll.

  6. Slashdot by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    'Nihilists, anarchists, activists, Lulzsec, Anonymous, twentysomethings who haven't talked to the opposite sex in five or six years.'

    Well, at least that excludes Slashdot. Slashdot is filled with thirtysomethings who haven't talked to the opposite sex in fifteen or sixteen years.

  7. In advance of possible cyber attacks, by Howitzer86 · · Score: 5, Funny

    US citizens are advised to flee the planet.

  8. In other words, by orlanz · · Score: 5, Funny

    In this day and age, the mighty United States of America has been reduced to feeling "terror" from "twentysomethings who haven't talked to the opposite sex in five or six years."

    Wasn't that a standup joke 20 years ago?

  9. Twentysomethings who haven't... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 3, Funny

    This country is terribly plagued with such a reprehrensible menace. The only solution is to mandate a free girlfriend to every twentysomething, to avoid their fall into tyranny and hackery. It will be a burden for us all, but I think we on Slashdot can manage.

  10. calling people gay by 6 · · Score: 4, Funny

    "who haven't talked to the opposite sex in five or six years.'"
    Really? Is calling people it doesn't like gay really the governments new tactic?

  11. Re:grain of truth? by gl4ss · · Score: 5, Funny

    yeah so everyone and anyone might attack USA if Snowden is captured and might attack if Snowden is not captured?

    soo? more surveillance a cure?!? what the fuck is he making this statement for "we're acting kinda like dicks so we're likely to be attacked by dicks".

    in other news AQAP has figured out a new way to terrorize american interests - all they need to do is write messages to each other that "we'll attack with 100 militants sometime next month, RIGHT?!". so the surveillance that is based on just electronics is geared up for a big fail, they can spin up an entire fantasy terrorism empire that they'll be monitoring using massive resources... just by sending skype messages to each other they can shutdown embassy activities in multiple countries for far longer than a bomb would have.

    --
    world was created 5 seconds before this post as it is.
  12. Re:OT: Dehydration Question by Webs+101 · · Score: 5, Funny

    OK, I know this is kind of OT for this thread and has little to do with Snowden, but I was flipping through channels last night and ran across this movie where everyone was in a life raft. I don't know what movie it was, but it went on for a while with people in a life raft, and they were fighting off sun poisoning, sharks, and dehydration. They tried to create an evaporation still with some saran wrap and a cup and lick the condensed drops off, the bottom of the plastic, but it didn't work. Here's the thing- so they were completely dehydrated, but the two women with larger boobs seemed OK. Why do they never talk about drinking boob milk when they're out there on a life raft or in the desert with no water or whatever? Big boobs have to carry at least a few quarts of liquid.

    I think we just found someone who hasn't talked to the opposite sex in five or six years.

    --

    "Even for Slashdot, that was a very obscure reference!" - Anonymous Coward