How To Develop Unmaintainable Software

jones_supa writes "Greg Jorgensen specializes in debugging, fixing, maintaining, and extending legacy software systems. His typical client has a web site or internal application that works, more or less, but the original developer isn't available. Greg lists some things you can do in your own software projects to keep him in business. In summary, the list goes as follows: Customize your development environment a lot, don't make it easy for the next programmer to start working on the code. Create an elaborate build and deployment environment and remember to leave out the documentation. Don't bother with a testing/staging server but instead have secret logins and backdoor URLs to test new features, and mix test data with real data in your database. Don't bother with a well-understood framework, write everything from scratch instead. Add dependencies to specific versions of libraries and resources, but don't protect or document those dependencies. For the icing of the cake, use the coolest mix of cutting-edge programming languages."

Comments

Re:How To Develop Unmaintainable Software

[Beardo the Bearded]

In all fairness, outsourcing it to Canada made sense. We're cheaper, we have health care already, and speak English with an approximate degree of usefulness.*

So, on behalf of our country, I apologize for any inconveniences you have suffered from the sheer shittiness of the ACA software. As a measure of our sincerity, you may pick up one(1) bottle of maple syrup from our strategic reserve.

*offre non valable au Québec

Re:Tied this

[crunchygranola]

Well, maybe you should try this much more venerable, thorough, and entertaining encyclopedia of unmaintainable code tips. Should make you as immovable as the CEO's firstborn.

He has an unfair advantage in the area of unmaintainable code since he is writing about C/C++.

Re:My favorite

[Jeremi]

You fool! That code is critical, it's the speedup loop. For the v2.0 release you delete some of those loops, and presto, your app is significantly faster -- everybody will think you're an optimizing genius.

Be careful to include some calls to rand() or similar in your loops, though, otherwise the optimizer in your compiler might screw you over by removing the loops in v1.0, denying you your speedup in the new version.