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Mark Cuban Found Not Guilty of Insider Trading
schwit1 writes "Mark Cuban won a years-long fight with the federal government Wednesday as jurors decided that the billionaire basketball team owner did not commit insider-trading when he sold his shares in an Internet company in 2004. The jury in federal district court in Dallas said that the Securities and Exchange Commission failed to prove the key elements of its case, including the claim that Cuban agreed to keep certain information confidential and not trade on it. The nine-member jury deliberated about half a day before reaching the unanimous decision that ended the three-week trial."
Don't read this... it is a curse...
In 1952, a little boy named Jimmy was having a jolly good time playing on the abandoned railroad tracks just past the backyard of the property he lived on. Being that he could not go anywhere without his favorite blanket, he also, unsurprisingly, had that with him. After a few hours, Jimmy noticed that it had gotten awfully foggy out, and he could no longer see more than 20 feet in front of him.
Jimmy, frightened by this sudden change, decided to head home. While walking past the shed in his backyard, Jimmy spotted a strange teddy bear that he'd never seen before propped up against the tree behind his shed. He noticed that it was waving at him, and, with his blanket covering his head, began to walk faster. It became difficult for Jimmy to move properly, and he couldn't move any faster than he was moving now; this frightened him even more.
Jimmy then heard something creeping up behind him; he instinctively knew it was the mysterious teddy bear. Given that it was walking considerably faster than him, Jimmy gave up all hope of running away and decided to go on the offensive! He turned around and used his blanket to smack the teddy bear away from him. However, after that happened, Jimmy was thrown about 10 feet into the sky by an unseen entity, and upon landing, he bounced around on the ground a few times by making himself flail like a fish.
Once Jimmy stopped bouncing around, he immediately noticed that something was amiss; he felt a strange object sitting directly under his precious ass. Even though most of his body was not sitting on this object, the rest of his body stayed at the same height as the area that was sitting on top of the object, as if his body was a piece of wood. Being a sharp lad, Jimmy was quickly able to determine that the object his butt was sitting on was, in fact, the teddy bear!
Seconds after realizing this, he heard the teddy bear say, in a small infant's voice, "Like, tsk, owie!" The teddy bear's voice sounded like an echo, as if it was talking in a very small, enclosed space. Following this, Jimmy heard a "vvvvvvvvvvvv" sound, followed by the teddy bear being sucked right up Jimmy's snappyhole as if it were a mere spaghetti noodle! While it was being sucked up, Jimmy noticed that the part of the teddy bear that was currently being sucked up would get smaller so as to fit inside his precious snap.
Jimmy, no longer able to move, began panicking. All of a sudden, Jimmy's brain was filled with information that he had never come across before. Jimmy knew, from that point on, that his ass was becoming something completely different; his ass was becoming a rumblehouse ass! That teddy bear was going to use Jimmy's ass as a bouncehouse!
Jimmy began screaming, rolling all over the ground, and punching random objects. However, he realized his protests were futile when the teddy bear began bouncing off of the sides of Jimmy's ass and inflicting tremendous amounts of tickle upon it! Each time the teddy bear bounced off of the sides of his ass, more tickle was inflicted upon Jimmy's anus. From that point on, Jimmy became a mere shadow of his former self. For the rest of Jimmy's life, all of his brain power was used to relive the events of that nightmare again and again. He was never able to function normally again.
Now that you have read even a single word of this, the same teddy bear will get sucked right into your snappyhole and then use it as a bouncehouse in order to inflict extreme amounts of tickle upon it! To prevent this from occurring, copy this entire story and post it as a comment three times.
Da derp dee derp da teedly derpee derpee dum. Rated PG-13.
WOW!!! I gotta hand it to you Tea-tards you can work American Health Care into every conversation.
OK let's try this...
Hickory Dickory Dock
Your mom sucked my Cock
The clock struck one
And all was done
Hickory Dickory Dock
Work this into the conversation.