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British NHS May Soon No Longer Offer Free Care
An anonymous reader writes "Coinciding with challenges in the rollout of the U.S. Affordable Care Act are challenges for NHS. The Independent reports, 'A National Health Service free at the point of use will soon be "unsustainable," if the political parties do not come forward with radical plans for change before the 2015 election, top health officials have warned. Stagnant health spending combined with ever rising costs and demand mean the NHS is facing "the most challenging period in its 65-year existence," the NHS Confederation said ... In a frank assessment of the dangers faced by the health service, senior officials at the confederation say that the two years following the next general election will be pivotal in deciding whether the NHS can continue to provide free health care for all patients. "Treasury funding for the service will be at best level in real terms," they write. "Given that demand continues to rise, drugs cost more, and NHS inflation is higher than general inflation, the NHS is facing a funding gap estimated at up to £30bn by 2020."' From The Guardian: 'Our rose-tinted view of the NHS has to change.' More at the Independent, Mirror, and Telegraph."
Don't read this... it is a curse...
In 1978, a little boy named Thomas was walking through his hallway. Being the observant young lad that he was, he immediately spotted a box of graham crackers on the other side of the hallway right between the entrance to his parents' bedroom on the left and the entrance to the kitchen on the right. Suddenly, he had an epiphany; anyone who walks past that box of graham crackers must let a large black man insert his penis into their anus.
Then, as if doing so in the heat of the moment, Thomas dashed past the box of graham crackers. However, he was immediately apprehended and subjugated by the large black man whose existence was unknown to him a few minutes ago. The black man hastily ripped off Thomas' pants and underwear, forced him to get on all fours, and then stared blankly at Thomas' ass. After a few moments, the black man screamed, as if both surprised and angry, "There is no hole!"
Seizing the opportunity, Thomas escaped into the closet in his parents' bedroom. After a cursory glance, he noted the position of a cabbage patch kid sitting right next to him. His hope that he would be safe was obliterated when the black man came clumsily stumbling into the closet, bumping into the cabbage patch kid. The cabbage patch kid, enraged by their foolishness, got sucked into the black man's ass. While the black man's ass was getting tickled, Thomas sprinted out the front door of his house, and ran towards the road. There, he spotted a car waiting on the side of the road, and in the driver's seat was a friend whose name he couldn't remember signaling him to get in. Being that he was desperately trying to escape, he took up the enigmatic person's offer.
While Thomas explained the strange events that took place prior to him getting in the car, the car drove down the road at such high speeds that it looked like a blur to any passerby. Immediately after finishing his explanation, Thomas began to celebrate the fact that he escaped from that dangerous situation. His ebullient attitude was interrupted when the mysterious driver said, "Now, now, now's the time right now!"
Clueless as to what the person meant, Thomas stared at him blankly. The car then slowed down to less than 1 mile per hour, and the strange man said, in a voice that was dripping with malice and anticipation, "What slowness can I offer you? I'm copyright owner Madow!" Following this, he turned into an old man with messy hair that was wearing a butler's outfit. As if amused by Thomas' reaction, the old man stared and smiled at him. That's when Thomas sensed both that the car was no longer safe and that the cabbage patch kid from before was catching up to them. He knew that he could run far more quickly than the car was currently moving, so he got out of the car and began to run.
However, before he could get more than a few meters away from the car, an unseen entity lifted Thomas into the sky and flung him ass-first around the world. Thomas, not knowing what was happening any longer, screamed as he flew uncontrollably around the world at the speed of light. Eventually, he felt his ass crash into something, and even though he had not seen what it was, he somehow knew that it was the same cabbage patch kid as before. Thomas promptly felt something get sucked into his ass as if his ass was nothing more than a gigantic spaghetti noodle (just like grandma).
Soon afterwards, Thomas realized two things: that he could no longer escape and that his ass was becoming something entirely different from what it was before. Thomas could not fathom the change that his ass was going through, but he knew, deep in his heart, that it was transforming into something that he would never approve of. Seconds later, he came to the sudden realization that his ass was becoming something known as a "rumblehouse ass." In addition to this, he knew that it would be used as a bouncehouse by the cabbage patch kid.
The cabbage patch kid began to bounce off the sides of Thomas' ass. It bounced to the left; it bounced to
Da derp dee derp da teedly derpee derpee dum. Rated PG-13.
I demand to be asked "What say you?"