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Chevron Gives Residents Near Fracking Explosion Free Pizza

Posted by samzenpus on from the are-you-mad-now? dept.

Lasrick writes "Chevron hopes that free soda and pizza can extinguish community anger over a fracking well fire in Dunkard Township, Pennsylvania. From the story: 'The flames that billowed out of the Marcellus Shale natural gas well were so hot they caused a nearby propane truck to explode, and first responders were forced to retreat to avoid injury. The fire burned for four days, and Chevron currently has tanks of water standing by in case it reignites. Of the twenty contractors on the well site, one is still missing, and is presumed dead.' The company gave those who live nearby a certificate for a free pizza and some soda."

9 of 207 comments (clear)

  1. Cold Pizza? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    As a bonus, Dunkard Township residence can reheat the pizza with their kitchen faucets

  2. Hot Dogs & Marshmallows by ebno-10db · · Score: 4, Funny

    They should have given them hot dogs and marshmallows instead, to roast if it reignites,

  3. They need to read the fine print. by 140Mandak262Jamuna · · Score: 5, Funny
    At the back of the coupon that gets them the free pizza, it is written in very faint lettering, in the same font used to list ingredients in the raman noodle soup, the following, "By redeeming this coupon I hereby forego all claims I have against Chevron and accept the pizza as the full and fair compensation for all the damages that might have been caused to me by Chevron, its associates, its lobbyists, its banksters and/or its legislators, including all damages already caused, all damages that could be caused in the future, in this life, (and in the next seven reincarnations if I am a Hindu or a Buddhist)".

    There lawyers are really really clever.

    --
    sed -e 's/Chuck Norris/Rajnikant/g' joke > fact
  4. That covers all the pizza I've had by SuperKendall · · Score: 4, Funny

    I have to say, in many years I've yet to have a pizza explode - no matter how hard you shake it.

    Just another notch in the belt of Pizza as superior food item.

    --
    "There is more worth loving than we have strength to love." - Brian Jay Stanley
  5. Re:Scientists Create Pizza That Can Last Years by FatdogHaiku · · Score: 4, Funny

    Scientists Create Pizza That Can Last Years

    But that pizza is served just about room temperature. Now, if you store it close to that natural gas well site you could have some fracking HOT pizza!

    --
    You have the right to remain sentient. If you give up the right to remain sentient, you will be elected to public office
  6. Re:What the by MightyMartian · · Score: 4, Funny

    I'm saddened to hear there are ACs in the future. BTW, how does Beta turn out?

    --
    The world's burning. Moped Jesus spotted on I50. Details at 11.
  7. Re:Scientists Create Pizza That Can Last Years by Cryacin · · Score: 5, Funny

    Man, I don't want soda, I want brawno! Because it contains electrolytes!

    And they doused the fire with water? Like, from the toilet?

    --
    Science advances one funeral at a time- Max Planck
  8. Re:What the by Cryacin · · Score: 4, Funny

    This topic is about fracking wells, not being well fracked.

    --
    Science advances one funeral at a time- Max Planck
  9. Re:I would boycott Chevron... by Bite+The+Pillow · · Score: 3, Funny

    Fuck you, It's FREE pizza. Get that shit. Nothing to eat? Eat free pizza! It's free, and its pizza!

    And they might give you water instead of soda, so your needs are covered. Shut your piehole, except for the part where you shove pizza pie in it. Like the good lord intended.