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'Curiosity' Lead Engineer Suggests Printing Humans On Other Planets
Jason Koebler (3528235) writes "Adam Steltzner, the lead engineer on the NASA JPL's Curiosity rover mission, believes that to send humans to distant planets, we may need to do one of two things: look for ways to game space-time—traveling through wormholes and whatnot—or rethink the fundamental idea of 'ourselves.' 'Our best bet for space exploration could be printing humans, organically, on another planet,' said Steltzner."
Don't read this... it is a curse...
In 1986, a precarious little boy named Eric got pregnant with two babies. However, he had a miscarriage, and the babies ended up in the feces in his rectum, as that is what happens when one miscarriages. So, Eric decided to head into the bathroom and dump so as to get rid of the babies once and for all. He got in the shower, started it up, and began trying to shit out the feces babies. Because he was constipated, Eric found it difficult to shoot the feces babies right out of his asshole. Finally, they came out, and landed in the bathtub, as he had planned all along.
Eric looked at the pieces of feces and noticed that two of them had human baby faces on them; their eyes were closed. Then, they started crying. Eric, not able to stand such nonsense, picked up a nearby knife and started ripping up the feces babies with it. "Drown in strut!" he screamed. At last, the babies stopped crying. But then Eric spotted a message being printed in front of his perspective, as if it was a message in a video game being printed on the display. The message read, "A WIND TURBINE IS BROKEN. DO E E." Eric then noticed the whole room was fading to black...
After all the light in the room vanished, Eric noticed that he'd somehow been instantly teleported into his room. He was now lying on the blankets on top of his bed, with his eyes closed. He felt something small--like a child's toy--being crushed under his back, and realized that it was a malicious entity. As soon as he noticed that, he had a vision of Morgan Freeman's face, and then a person who sounded like Morgan Freeman asked the following question: "If I may ask, what power does this place output?" The small entity under Eric's back replied, "Oh, you know... wind-powered, solar-powered, nuclear-powered, tickle!"
Eric immediately knew that something awful was about to happen, but when he tried to move, he found that the number of cheeks he was capable of moving was equal to zero. Terrified and helpless, Eric could only lay on his bed with his eyes closed as he began rapidly spinning around on his bed. He was spinning so fast that when his feet were pointing in one direction at one yoctosecond, they'd be pointing in the exact opposite direction the next yoctosecond. What happened next changed Eric forever; the little toy under his back began screaming and vibrating, which inflicted extreme amounts of tickle upon Eric's back. Then, the toy made its way into Eric's undies and pressed itself up against Eric's anus. A "VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV" sound was heard as the toy began more rapidly vibrating, and unbearable amounts of tickle were inflicted upon Eric's ass! Eric was never seen again...
Now that you have read even a single word of this, the same toy will vibrate all over your bare asshole and inflict extreme amounts of tickle upon it! To prevent this from occurring, copy this entire story and post it as a comment three times.