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Online Creeps Inspire a Dating App That Hides Women's Pictures

HughPickens.com (3830033) writes "Tricia Romano reports at the Seattle Times that Susie Lee and Katrina Hess have developed Siren, a new online dating app designed to protect against men inundating women with messages that are by turns gross, hilarious, objectifying and just plain sad. A 2012 experiment by Jon Millward, a data journalist, found that women were messaged 17 times more than men; the best-looking woman received 536 messages in four months, while the best-looking guy received only 38. Lee hopes to change the nature of the messages and put women in the driver's seat. As online dating options have grown, Lee noticed that her friends' frustration did, too: With every good introduction often came a slew of lewd ones. "I just started looking (at online dating options) and very quickly realized how many things are out there and how immediately my 'creepy meter' went up," Lee says. The free iPhone app, currently launched to a select market in Seattle in August, allows women to peruse men's pictures and their answers to the "Question of the Day" ("You found a magic lamp and get three wishes. What are they?") and view their Video Challenges ("Show us a hidden gem in Seattle"). If a woman is suitably impressed by a man's answers, she can make herself visible to him. Only then can he see what she looks like. "It's a far more thoughtful — and cautious — approach than the one taken by the dating app of the moment, Tinder, which is effectively a "hot or not" game, with little information beyond a few photos, age and volunteered biographical tidbits," writes Romano. "And the implicit notion that it's a "hookup" app can be uncomfortable for some women." OK Cupid's stats as illustrated by co-founder Christian Rudder give another example of how steep the curve is, when it comes to physical attractiveness vs. messages received on online dating sites.

26 of 482 comments (clear)

  1. How about... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Insightful

    Women just message the men they like instead.

    1. Re:How about... by Kielistic · · Score: 5, Insightful

      These women seem frustrated that there are so many men they don't approve of approaching them. Apparently they think continuing to enforce the paradigm of "men must do all the work to gain my favour" is going to fix that.

    2. Re:How about... by jason.sweet · · Score: 3, Insightful

      It not the number of messages that is the problem. It's the dick pic to serious content ratio.

    3. Re:How about... by Java+Pimp · · Score: 3, Insightful

      If I'm understanding correctly, this allows her to view a guy's profile and/or other info (Question of the day) and choose to allow him to see her picture while it is still not visible to everyone else. From what I remember, for other sites you could have a picture everyone could see or no one could see.

      Of course, this gives a guy a bit of an edge since if he stumbles upon her profile and her pic is visible, he knows she's already looked at his profile and she's already somewhat interested.

      --
      Ascalante: Your bride is over 3,000 years old.
      Kull: She told me she was 19!
    4. Re:How about... by Kielistic · · Score: 4, Insightful

      Of course it doesn't go the other way. The messages will essentially only go one way: from men to women. That is backed up even in the summary; women don't send messages so obviously men don't get a lot of creepy or unwanted messages from women.

      Additionally, yes men with low social skills will be on dating apps / web sites. They are still the ones expected to make the first move so they use informal methods like this to test the waters. But they are bad at it so get labelled creepy. They may just seriously not understand social norms and why they are creepy.

      You should also not underestimate the effectiveness of messages that you (or I) would consider outrages. I have seen guys get good responses from messages that I would consider way over the top. I don't understand it but it does seem to be a decent strategy. 9 out of 10 women might hate it but if it gives better results than other methods people are going to use it.

      I wouldn't expect you not to get mad about other males. They are your competition after all.

    5. Re:How about... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 2, Insightful

      Well, she doesn't need you, you loser.

      If she's on a dating site she clearly does.

    6. Re:How about... by KeensMustard · · Score: 5, Insightful

      There's your problem. You think women are on the site to meet YOU. They aren't. They are there to meet a man (not a creep).

    7. Re:How about... by neoritter · · Score: 1, Insightful

      They're on the site to meet OTHER PEOPLE. If they want to meet OTHER PEOPLE, then maybe they should message them. Instead of assuming they're some queen and we should all clamor for her attention. I've gotten a crude ton of "likes" and "winks" on dating sides, but rarely a message. If they want to engage in communication they can message me.

    8. Re:How about... by angel'o'sphere · · Score: 3, Insightful

      Well, from roughly 16 to roughly 40 I thought and behaved like that.
      Meanwhile I know that a wink and a smile is all what women ever do.
      After that it is up to the male one to engage in a 'talk' ... real life and internet are no difference in that.
      I can understand that you are shy in real life and don't 'get it' when a woman blinks, waves, smiles at you.
      But when a woman does that on a dating site, it is a clear signal, made for geeks, nerds and idiots like you and me.
      Still insisting, she should message you, is: brain dead!

      --
      Cost free eBook I read (by iBook/Kobo/Amazon/ObookO/Gutenberg etc.): "The Green Odyssey" by Philip Jose Farmer.
    9. Re:How about... by Ol+Olsoc · · Score: 3, Insightful

      Well, from roughly 16 to roughly 40 I thought and behaved like that. Meanwhile I know that a wink and a smile is all what women ever do. After that it is up to the male one to engage in a 'talk' ... real life and internet are no difference in that.

      I think that is a bit of a generalization. One problem men often have is we have no idea what to say, and what the reaction will be.

      A coworker once became angry with me when I asked if she was going to take some time off after having her baby. Wasn't asking as a boss, just a question probably every woman we we worked had asked her.

      That's just one example. But I certainly found that my future silence, my carefully weighing out every word for possible insult or for some hidden sexual innuendo - and in the end, it was just easier that avoid the problem was better than inadvertently getting in trouble.

      That's sad in a couple ways. I'm pretty innocuous, most people think I'm a decent guy. But I'm also pretty prudent.

      But cowing me into submission is not going to stop the jerks from sending the ladies pohotos of their willies either.

      And after all of the prudent guys are silenced, all that is left..........

      --
      The shepherds did so well protecting the flock that the sheep no longer believed that wolves existed.
  2. This wont work because... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Insightful

    it upsets the natural order of men pursuing women. Women wont be able to handle being in the driver's seat and facing rejection.

  3. Women in the drivers seat`? by Poorcku · · Score: 5, Insightful

    They are already there (in the dating game). And they were always there.

    --
    I take my children to see Madonna(..), but I never for once ever thought I was in the same business.Chris Rea.
    1. Re:Women in the drivers seat`? by BarbaraHudson · · Score: 4, Insightful

      Exactly. And that whole "a lot of them creeps?" Well, there's an old saying, "you have to kiss a lot of frogs to get a prince."

      Also

      allows women to peruse men's pictures and their answers to the "Question of the Day" ("You found a magic lamp and get three wishes. What are they?") and view their Video Challenges ("Show us a hidden gem in Seattle"). If a woman is suitably impressed by a man's answers, she can make herself visible to him. Only then can he see what she looks like. "It's a far more thoughtful — and cautious — approach than the one taken by the dating app of the moment, Tinder, which is effectively a "hot or not" game,

      How is this not a variant of the "hot or not" game? To NOT be a variant, it should allow BOTH sides to see each others pics only after she's decided that she's impressed only by his answers, not his answers and photos.

      --
      "Transparent" is a shit show that trades on every stereotype going. A man in drag is NOT a transsexual.
    2. Re:Women in the drivers seat`? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 3, Insightful

      Right. And Corporations are not in the driver's seats, when they're hiring.
      People seeking employment have alll the privileges. Corporations are so oppressed.

    3. Re:Women in the drivers seat`? by Obfuscant · · Score: 4, Insightful

      Being able to successfully make the first move takes courage, self-confidence, communication skills, at least a pretense of extroversion, and charisma.

      Apparently women like men with those skills, to the point that they'll date them and then complain when the men keep using those skills to find other women to date at the same time.

      Note to women: if you dated and then married a guy who is charming and able to approach a strange woman (you) with self-confidence, do you really have any right to complain when he continues to exhibit those characteristics after you are married?

  4. yeah, ok, whatever. by topham · · Score: 5, Insightful

    The whole dating situation is ridiculous these days. Dozens, or even hundreds of guys email a couple of women and almost none get any response at all; is it any wonder they escalate to crap? A response, positive or negative, is better than no response to a lot of people.

    If you're in the top 20% on looks, congrats. Otherwise: you get treated like shit, whichever side your on.

    1. Re:yeah, ok, whatever. by gizmo2199 · · Score: 4, Insightful

      I think that applies to men more-so than women. Even plain-looking women get a lot of messages on the internet, whereas the man has to be an underwear model to get the same kind of attention.

      --
      This Sig does not Exist.
  5. Lol by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Insightful

    As if I'm going to jump through hoops just to get to look at a girl? This starts the relationship out on a bad note -- one where the guy has accepted responsibility for the actions of others and is willing to make sacrifices as a result. This is sexism at its strongest, unless it works in both directions -- ie, no pictures are displayed until a user chooses to present themselves to another.

  6. Where's the benefit? by Bogtha · · Score: 4, Insightful

    Can't women just do this on any other dating site by not having any photos on their profile and sending photos once they've been talking to a man for a while?

    Why would a man join this site compared with dating sites that let him see photos and don't make him jump through silly hoops?

    --
    Bogtha Bogtha Bogtha
    1. Re:Where's the benefit? by Shadow+of+Eternity · · Score: 3, Insightful

      He wouldn't. That's why the solution is to promote a moral panic, brand men who don't use this site as part of the problem, and then use social pressure to force the issue.

      --
      A bullet may have your name on it but splash damage is addressed "To whom it may concern."
  7. Unworkable. by gizmo2199 · · Score: 4, Insightful

    " If a woman is suitably impressed by a man's answers, she can make herself visible to him. "

    It seems pretty unworkable to me. I suppose these women must be a mix of Angelina Jolie/Kate Upton and Jennifer Lawrence, to insist on being anonymous.

    What I don't understand is why would a desirable man put up with all of these games just to view a woman's picture? If a man is attractive enough to get replies and messages from women on online dating sites in general (most men can easily send out hundreds of messages to get only a handful of replies), presumably he's attractive enough to go on other sites that don't make the man jump through these hoops, just to view the woman's picture, let alone go out on a date.
    Which means that the men who are willing to put up with these kinds of hoops wouldn't be attractive to these women in the first place.

    --
    This Sig does not Exist.
  8. Re:Pretending looks don't matter is retarded by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 2, Insightful

    between plastic surgery, makeup, hair dye who is the shallow ones men or women..

    stop being so vane and judgmental among yourselves then perhaps men will follow suite, but quit with the double standard

  9. Re:Why not... by scubamage · · Score: 5, Insightful

    The issue is, you'll start having malevolent users filing false reports against people. "He doesn't look like an underwear model! Ugh! Gross! *complaint filed*" Any guy who doesn't look great has had to deal with this in meatspace - getting a nasty rebuke, getting ignored, getting stared down with that "how dare YOU talk to ME" look just for saying hello. For all of the stereotypes about how men are shallow, women are entirely capable of being far, far more cruel and arrogant about looks.

  10. Online dating by fyngyrz · · Score: 2, Insightful

    You're doing it wrong.

    Not wrong as in "that's wrong to do", but wrong as in "you'll do better with people you interact with in the real world."

    If, of course, you can put the cellphone/iPad/keyboard down for enough minutes to interact with the people around you.

    Online profiles are far more "crafted" than real-world interactions, and real-world interactions provide far more clues when someone is gaming you.

    --
    I've fallen off your lawn, and I can't get up.
  11. Wouldn't work by Sycraft-fu · · Score: 4, Insightful

    It has been tried. A dating site was made where only women could initiate contact. The result? It went nowhere because women wouldn't initiate contact in almost any case. Men couldn't women wouldn't, so it didn't go anywhere.

    The thing is not only do we have a cultural bias that men are supposed to initiate relationships, but the person who initiates puts their emotions on the line, sets themselves up for rejection. Women do not wish to do that by and large, and do not need to since men are very willing to initiate so they just don't.

    Unless we are able to change that, such a site will go nowhere. The vast majority of women will just be unwilling to initiate a relationship and thus the site will wither and die.

  12. What's with all the feminism/SJW articles today? by buckfeta2014 · · Score: 4, Insightful

    Did Anita Sarkeesian take a shit all over Dice? First the Facebook/Trans article, then the Intel/Gamergate article, and now this? Come on, you are better than stooping to this level.

    --
    Buck Feta. You know what to do.