Slashdot Mirror

← Back to Stories (view on slashdot.org)

MARS, Inc: We Are Running Out of Chocolate

Posted by timothy on from the there's-a-price-system-to-take-care-of-that dept.

schwit1 writes There's no easy way to say this: You're eating too much chocolate, all of you. And it's getting so out of hand that the world could be headed towards a potentially disastrous (if you love chocolate) scenario if it doesn't stop. ... Chocolate deficits, whereby farmers produce less cocoa than the world eats, are becoming the norm. Already, we are in the midst of what could be the longest streak of consecutive chocolate deficits in more than 50 years. It also looks like deficits aren't just carrying over from year-to-year—the industry expects them to grow. Last year, the world ate roughly 70,000 metric tons more cocoa than it produced. By 2020, the two chocolate-makers warn that that number could swell to 1 million metric tons, a more than 14-fold increase; by 2030, they think the deficit could reach 2 million metric tons.

12 of 323 comments (clear)

  1. Good news! by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    Chocolate rations have been increased to 20 grams!

    1. Re:Good news! by Scarletdown · · Score: 3, Funny

      I could have sworn it was being reduced to 20 grams...

      --
      This space unintentionally left blank.
    2. Re:Good news! by ShanghaiBill · · Score: 4, Funny

      I could have sworn it was being reduced to 20 grams...

      Why do they even need chocolate on Mars? The only thing there so far is robots. I understand that we should pre-position supplies before sending colonists, but chocolate is not exactly a mission priority.

  2. Panic! by mean+pun · · Score: 5, Funny

    Forget Ebola, forget IS, forget running out of IPv4 addresses, finally a real reason to panic.

    So go ahead, make the most of it!

    1. Re:Panic! by ColdWetDog · · Score: 3, Funny

      Now this is serious. Yeah, chocolate is important but at least it isn't a life sustaining drug. Run out of coffee and it will make World War Z look like a Girl Scout Camporee.

      I'm stockpiling and hiding in my bunker. Seeeee yoooouuuuu alllll aa biitttt llllaaaatttererrr.

      --
      Faster! Faster! Faster would be better!
  3. That's what she said! by __aaltlg1547 · · Score: 5, Funny

    "There's no easy way to say this: You're eating too much chocolate, all of you."

    My dentist has been telling me this for years. So has my wife. Do you think they're seeing each other?

    1. Re:That's what she said! by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

      I bet the dentist is drilling your wife.

  4. Trader Joe's Could Help by Scarletdown · · Score: 4, Funny

    They could alleviate some of this problem by contacting the people who run Trader Joe's. They have this one dark chocolate bar (can't recall the name of it) that is so nasty and bitter, that it is inedible completely (unless you dip it in honey, then it is barely tolerable). It is worse than baking chocolate and is actually sold as if it is intended to be eaten like a normal bar of chocolate. If they just full stop quit producing that travesty, perhaps that could free up chocolate resources for other uses for perhaps another year or so.

    --
    This space unintentionally left blank.
  5. Re: How are we covering the shortfall/defecit? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    Simple, the Federal Reserve just prints more chocolate.

    Cocoatative Easing they call it.

  6. Chocolate alternative by TheRhinoplast · · Score: 3, Funny

    Tomorrow: Mars announces Soylent Brown

  7. Re:The Fix: Buy good Chocolate! by Dr.Dubious+DDQ · · Score: 5, Funny
    "How much do you think a standard Hershey Bar[...]"

    What does that have to do with anything? We're talking about CHOCOLATE.

    (Somebody was bound to post that, it might as well be me...)

    /(adjusts monocle)

    --
    Hacker Public Radio is our Friend
  8. Re:The Fix: Buy good Chocolate! by ArcadeMan · · Score: 4, Funny

    There's only four ingredients in a 3 Musketeers bar:
    - Chocolate
    - Athos
    - Porthos
    - Aramis

    --
    Get free satoshi (Bitcoin) and Dogecoins