Microsoft Rolls Out Robot Security Guards

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Microsoft Rolls Out Robot Security Guards

Posted by Soulskill on Friday November 21, 2014 @02:47AM from the please-register-that-copy-of-windows.-you-have-20-seconds-to-comply dept.

An anonymous reader writes: Microsoft is testing a group of five robot security guards. They contain a sophisticated sensor suite that includes 360-degree HD video, thermal imaging, night vision, LIDAR, and audio recorders. They can also detect various chemicals and radiation signatures, and do some rudimentary behavioral analysis on people they see. (And they look a bit like Daleks.) The robots are unarmed, so we don't have to worry about a revolt just yet, but they can sound an alarm and call for human officers. They weigh about 300 lbs each, can last roughly a day on a battery charge, and know to head to the charging station when they're low on power.

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Let me be the first to say... by Thanshin · 2014-11-21 02:49 · Score: 3, Funny

EXTERMINATE
1. Re:Let me be the first to say... by Bill_the_Engineer · 2014-11-21 03:01 · Score: 5, Funny
  
  You mean "EMBRACE, EXTEND, and then EXTERMINATE"
  
  --
  These comments are my own and do not necessarily reflect the views or opinions of my employer or colleagues...
2. Re:Let me be the first to say... by JaredOfEuropa · 2014-11-21 03:08 · Score: 2, Funny
  
  Would have been fun to let the robots shout that out every now and then. Perhaps also a random "Hey baby, wanna kill all humans?".
  
  --
  If construction was anything like programming, an incorrectly fitted lock would bring down the entire building...
Clippy Lives by gtall · 2014-11-21 03:27 · Score: 3, Funny

Clippy the Guard: Hi there, I see you are attempting to break and enter, how may I be of assistance?
Burglar: (thinks "WTF") Errrmmm....have you got a key to this lock?
Clippy: No problem, I can open it automatically. However, have you tried the door over there?
Burglar: No, I want to break in through this door.
Clippy: The door over there is very nice, are you sure?
Burglar: Please open this door?
Clippy: Would you like me sound the alarm first?
Burglar: No, just open the damn door.
Clippy: The alarm is very nice.
Burglar: Will you pluuuueeessse open this door, you damn robot?
Clippy: I don't like your attitude.
Burglar: (pulls out gun, shoots self in head) BLAM....THUNK.
Clippy: Look it, I'm not opening the door if you are dead. Are you really dead? Hey...you??? Damn humans (stomps off).
Re:Please put down your weapon by Anonymous Coward · 2014-11-21 05:08 · Score: 2, Funny

Knowing Microsoft, it's more like:
You have 20 seconds to comply...
You have 10 seconds to comply...
You have 37 seconds to comply...
You have 1597 seconds to comply...
You have 2 seconds to comply...
You have 734 seconds to comply...
Re:Alright, let's get the references out of the wa by azadrozny · 2014-11-21 05:15 · Score: 3, Funny

Here I am, brain the size of a planet, and they ask me to patrol the Microsoft visitor parking lot. Call that job satisfaction, because I don't.
Re:Please put down your weapon. by Zaiff+Urgulbunger · 2014-11-21 06:01 · Score: 5, Funny

Four... three... two... one... I am now authorized to use physical force!
More like:
K5: You have 20 seconds to comply.
K5: You have 19 seconds to comply.
K5: You have 1 hour 48 minutes and 34 seconds to comply.
K5: You have 4 minutes to comply.
K5: You have 29 days, 6 hours and 13 minutes to comply.