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Putting Time Out In Time Out: The Science of Discipline
An anonymous reader points out this story at The Atlantic about new research and approaches in the science of discipline. "At the end of a gravel road in the Chippewa National Forest of northern Minnesota, a group of camp counselors have gathered to hear psychotherapist Tina Bryson speak about neuroscience, mentorship, and camping. She is in Minnesota by invitation of the camp. Chippewa is at the front of a movement to bring brain science to bear on the camping industry; she keynoted this past year's American Camping Association annual conference. As Bryson speaks to the counselors gathered for training, she emphasizes one core message: At the heart of effective discipline is curiosity—curiosity on the part of the counselors to genuinely understand and respect what the campers are experiencing while away from home....She is part of a progressive new group of scientists, doctors, and psychologists whose goal is ambitious, if not outright audacious: They want to redefine "discipline" in order to change our culture. They want to rewrite—or perhaps more precisely said, rewire—how we interact with kids, and they want us to understand that our decisions about parenting affect not only our children's minds, but ours as well. So, we're going to need to toss out our old discipline mainstays. Say goodbye to timeouts. So long spanking and other ritualized whacks. And cry-it-out sleep routines? Mercifully, they too can be a thing of the past. And yet, we can still help our children mature and grow. In fact, people like Bryson think we'll do it better. If we are going to take seriously what science tells us about how we form relationships and how our mind develops, we will need to construct new strategies for parenting, and when we do, says this new group of researchers, we just may change the world."
Exactly. Far too many children are coddled and protected far too much growing up. Kids need to learn that not every day is happy sunshine fun land while they're kids. Yeah, it's no fun being punished/disciplined for screwing up, or failing at something, but when you're a kid the stakes are low. I see far too many young people where I work (college) that are on their own for the first time and have never worked at anything in their whole life, never had someone not holding their hand and wiping their nose. What happens? They fall flat on their face and then howl that it's not fair. Better to learn early how to struggle and persevere and succeed than to coast into failure later.
I don't think the reason large portions of the world don't "like us" is because "everyone's a winner". It probably has more to do with torturing people, blowing up innocent women and children via drones, 100+ years of interference in other governments (including supporting drug smugglers, funding violent overthrow of democratically elected leaders, funding oppressive regimes, funding death squads), domestic police murdering people, and generally being a dick that sees no wrong with itself.
Now, stop whining or I'll give you something to cry about!
They want to redefine "discipline" in order to change our culture.
That's nice, Tina, dear. You play your little make-believe games with all the other ivory-tower bleeding hearts, while the adults get real work done.
You guys fail to see the point here. Perhaps you're not parents. Perhaps your bad parents of the type described in the summary.
The point is that there are ways of engaging kids to address the core reasons for their acting out and/or to redirect their energy into something positive. Really has nothing to do with spoiling or coddling or calling everyone a winner. It's the same behavior that any good manager at work should exhibit, rather than just declaring that there will be punishments for all until moral improves.
My God can beat up your God. Just kidding...don't take offense. I know there's no God.
I felt the exact same way. "Oh, okay, so no spanking, no time outs. What should I do?" And finally at the end of the article they say something about teachable moments.
Ummmm...so what do I do when my 2 year old hits the cat? Most of the time he's loving and playful with the cat. But then sometimes for no reason he throws a toy truck at the poor cat. So I yell at him "NO!" and send him for a time out. Then I explain what he did was wrong, and make him apologize to the cat, and then explain that we only love and pet our kitty.
What the fuck is wrong with that? What else am I supposed to do? Let him go right on doing it and wait for some teachable moment about not hitting the cat? TFA says "what you're doing is wrong" with little explanation why and then fails to tell you what to do instead except some hippy crap about talking to your kids.
We don't have a state-run media we have a media-run state.
Okay. A simple spanking is not "physical violence".
A spanking is a proxy for the pain certain dangerous activities could inflict.
We are NOT talking about beating a kid black and blue. We're talking a simple swat or two on the landing gear.
A friend of my parents subscribed to the whole "no spanking" line.
Her son kept coming into the kitchen while she was cooking and trying to get into the oven.
She used a gate. He'd get over it.
She'd physically move him elsewhere in the house, he'd come back.
She'd yell at him. He'd cry, then come right back.
Finally, he wound up searing his hands on an open oven door. Stuff that required painful reconstructive surgery later in life.
So I ask you. What would have been worse for him? A couple swats on the ass? Or what happened to him?
Chas - The one, the only.
THANK GOD!!!