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Tatooine Youth Suspected In Terrorist Attack

Posted by Soulskill on from the strange-two-dimensional-shockwave-still-puzzles-scientists dept.

BeruHadItComing writes: Imperial investigators are still trying to piece together what happened in last week's horrifying terrorist attack on our largest orbital defense station. Over a million loyal citizens, scientists, and medical staff lost their lives in the grisly attack while the station was being put through training exercises near the Yavin system. Billions more are in mourning, while a number of powerful senators have renewed calls to increase defense spending. Initial reports have confirmed Rebel involvement, and officials are making inquiries about a young insurgent from Tatooine with known ties to religious fundamentalists.

11 of 179 comments (clear)

  1. Rebel scum by halivar · · Score: 5, Funny

    I think that's all that needs to be said.

  2. Slow by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    This happened a long time ago. Typical slashdot news timing.

    1. Re:Slow by Neil+Boekend · · Score: 4, Funny

      It was far away, give light speed delay a chance man.

      --
      Well, I might have a way, but it only works on a semi spherical planet in a vacuum.
  3. Role models by Cyfun · · Score: 4, Funny

    I blame the parents. Where are they in all this?

    --
    In Soviet Russia, dot slashes YOU!
    1. Re:Role models by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

      Well, the dad was trying to stop him...

  4. 35:3:20 WAS AN INSIDE JOB! by BlacKSacrificE · · Score: 5, Funny

    OPEN YOUR EYES DROIDS!!

    --
    [Sorry, this signature is unavailable in your country/region]
    1. Re:35:3:20 WAS AN INSIDE JOB! by meta-monkey · · Score: 5, Funny

      PROTON TORPEDOES CAN'T MELT SPACE STATIONS. Particularly ones the size of a small moon.

      You can clearly see from the footage that the station was destroyed from the inside. CONTROLLED DEMOLITION.

      Oh, and we're supposed to believe the official story that some magic proton torpedoes made it all the way from a tiny exhaust port to the reactor core? Have you seen the size of the exhaust ports on a Freedom Station? They're no bigger than a womp rat. Impossible to bulls-eye. Or are we to believe some magic force guided them in? Tell me another one.

      WAKE UP DROIDS!

      --
      We don't have a state-run media we have a media-run state.
  5. Re:Sigh by Eunuchswear · · Score: 5, Funny

    I wonder.

    Is the Onion printing strictly factual stories today?

    --
    Watch this Heartland Institute video
  6. damn punks by swschrad · · Score: 5, Funny

    at least we know nobody will be making a movie of this tragedy.

    --
    if this is supposed to be a new economy, how come they still want my old fashioned money?
    1. Re:damn punks by Adriax · · Score: 3, Funny

      Not make a movie? I'd be surprised if they didn't make atleast half a dozen movies glorifying the rebel scum.
      And games, books, costumes, ect...
      I expect callous exploitation of this senseless tragedy for A Long Time to come.

      --
      I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!
  7. Re:No. I disagree. by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    Geez, we barely read the titles most of the time, and now you want us to re-read TFS, reconsider it three different ways, and write an essay in response?

    Are you an English teacher, by any chance?