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GCHQ Officials Given Immunity From Hacking Charges
An anonymous reader writes with news that members of British intelligence agency GCHQ have been granted immunity from prosecution for any laws they might have violated while hacking into citizens' computers or cellphones. The immunity was granted by changes to the Computer Misuse Act that weren't noticed until now, and not discussed or debated when implemented. While different legislation has long been thought to grant permission for illegal activities abroad, civil rights groups were unaware that domestic hacking activities were covered now as well. The legislative changes were passed on March 3rd, 2015, long after domestic spying became a hot-button issue, and almost a year after Privacy International and several ISPs filed complaints challenging it.
As a member of the GCHQ I should take time to explain this to my fellow britons and the international community as a whole. You see, whilst portrayed to be a loveable middle-class eccentric bunch the average pint-pounding football-chanting briton, or as we know them 'bastard' isnt to be trusted with so much as a modicum of personal freedom. We've learned nearly every citizen to be a terrorist on some level (children are actually just very small terrorists.) and have taken great measures to protect actual god fearing pension clutching cloistered elite, whom we've found to be the real true citizenry of our great nation. So, in summation, Everything from VAT to the automated system of bollards and yes, even the chavs we strategically scatter along each and every mode of public transit charged with tactically dispersing vom, is part of this plan. Naturally retroactive immunity from prosecutorial oversight was necessary as in order to obtain critical knowledge of terrorisms. the knowledge that you, yes you, Chester Cleveston on Ellington road, have thrice now failed to finish a pint of Boddingtons because the foamy bit at the bottom puts you off, helps keep normal godfearing patriots of the jack accidentally gifting you a pint despite knowing full well you're a salaried man and can easily afford his own. So, in summation, should you be at this moment to have found yourself with a monocle perched upon your cheek then disregard this 'news.' However if you've just finished your sixth chesterfield and are at this moment urinating on a police car, you'll find solace and comfort in knowing we're here to protect you from Darryl Mansclover, working at the Lydsgate post office, who every morning puts lemon as well as milk in his tea in keeping with his savage tradition of domestic terrorism.
Good people go to bed earlier.
But you understand don't you that they have to take away your rights and privacy in order to keep you safe. I'm sure you feel safe now, don't you?