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German Carpenter's Testicluar Valve Could Mean An On/Off Switch For Sperm

Posted by timothy on from the this-one-goes-to-zero dept.

Press2ToContinue writes: A German carpenter has invented a valve which he claims will revolutionize contraception, by allowing a man to turn the flow of sperm from his testicles on and off at the flick of a switch. It (the switch, of course) is nearly an inch long and weighs less than a tenth of an ounce. It is surgically implanted on the vas deferens, the tube that carries sperm from the testicles, in a half-hour operation, and controlled by a switch beneath the skin of the scrotum.

So far Bimek is the only man who has the switches implanted, one for each testicle. I wonder what other switches we will see implanted into humans in the future? I think I'd like a valve for adrenaline control.

20 of 287 comments (clear)

  1. Those crazy Germans by xxxJonBoyxxx · · Score: 5, Funny

    >> A German carpenter has invented a valve that gets implanted in the most delicate part of your body via a surgical operation

    Seems about right to me.

    1. Re:Those crazy Germans by Locke2005 · · Score: 4, Funny

      You'd prefer a Jewish carpenter? (I believe that's called the "rhythm method" of birth control.)

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      I've abandoned my search for truth; now I'm just looking for some useful delusions.
    2. Re:Those crazy Germans by DarkOx · · Score: 3, Funny

      Well, yes a "child of circumcision" does seem more appropriate here.

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      Repeal the 17th Amendment TODAY! Also Please Read http://www.gnu.org/philosophy/right-to-read.html
    3. Re:Those crazy Germans by nigelo · · Score: 3, Funny

      A cut above the rest?

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      *Still* negative function...
  2. Men can control their stuff with a switch by ClickOnThis · · Score: 4, Funny

    For women, it's more complicated.

    --
    If it weren't for deadlines, nothing would be late.
    1. Re:Men can control their stuff with a switch by ClickOnThis · · Score: 4, Funny

      Otherwise it's just Schoedinger's nuts. ;-)

      LOL!

      Or maybe ... Heisenballs?

      --
      If it weren't for deadlines, nothing would be late.
  3. Good idea? by NMBob · · Score: 5, Funny

    Control it from your iPhone and it posts the setting of the switch to your Facebook page. :)

    1. Re:Good idea? by rduncan10 · · Score: 5, Funny

      iBalls

  4. Re:Bitchiness hormones by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 3, Funny

    Could call it the bitch-switch.

  5. Deja Vu by I_Wrote_This · · Score: 5, Funny

    I remember a report about this (or, more likely, something similar) many years (20+) ago. The Brits on the team called it the Stop Cock.

  6. Parental Controls by Major+Blud · · Score: 3, Funny

    Can you get these installed in your kids? It would bring new meaning to Parental Controls.

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    If you post as Anonymous Coward, don't expect a reply.
  7. Got wood? by oldmac31310 · · Score: 3, Funny

    Just 'came' here to say this

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    http://www.acetonestudio.com
  8. Re:There's still a delay by swb · · Score: 4, Funny

    20 loads? Why don't they just say about 3 days worth.

  9. We've had this for ages by dmomo · · Score: 3, Funny

    It's called marriage.

  10. Re:There's still a delay by rubycodez · · Score: 3, Funny

    20 loads to blow before Saturday night? I would take that as a challenge

  11. Re:There's still a delay by JudgeFurious · · Score: 5, Funny

    Because some of us aren't hoarding it like that.

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    Appended to the end of comments you post. 120 chars.
  12. Re:Bitchiness hormones by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 2, Funny

    Those switches are software controlled, and these days they're bypassed pretty thoroughly by feminist society before she hits puberty.

  13. Oops, valve partially open by Rogue974 · · Score: 4, Funny

    I work at a chemical manufacturing site. Do you have any idea how many millions of pounds of material are lost each year do to a manual valve that was not fully shut.

    I am sorry babby, I guess when I got hit in the groin last week playing basketball, it must have opened the valve!

    Or,

    I closed it, I guess it didn't close all of the way!

    Yeah, not so sure this is a good idea!

  14. Re:It's made of Maple and stained golden oak by Chris+Mattern · · Score: 4, Funny

    Where do you get "steal wool" from?

    Contraband sheep.

  15. Re:Screw that (pun intended). by tehcyder · · Score: 5, Funny

    it's been a while since I performed a vasectomy

    I hope to God that You Are A Doctor.

    --
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