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Filmmaker Forces Censors To Watch 10-Hour Movie of Paint Drying (ibtimes.co.uk)
An anonymous reader writes: A British filmmaker has forced the people who decide how to censor films to watch a 10-hour movie of paint drying on a wall following a protest fundraising campaign. Charlie Lyne launched a Kickstarter to help raise the money needed to send his 'documentary' of a single shot of paint drying on a wall for consideration as a protest against the 'stronghold' the organisation has on the British film industry. The BBFC charge an initial fee of $144.88 to view a film and decide what certificate to give it, and then and additional $10.15 for each minute that the film lasts. The idea was the more money Lyne could raise via his fundraiser, the longer his paint-drying film could last. The campaign eventually nearly £8,500, meaning he was able to send in a 607 minute video which the examiners had to watch in its entirety.
Put some "obscene" and "violent" elements throughout the movie but keep it just within the allowed parameters.
For bonus points, put some of them in audio only (a "fuck" every few hours should do), while others are single frame images.
Then either call them out on not doing their work or have them stare at paint drying for 10 hours.
Mit der Dummheit kämpfen Götter selbst vergebens
Excellent idea! Personally, I would have tossed in a rickroll somewhere towards the end while I was at it.
Quo usque tandem abutere, Nimbus, patientia nostra?
My friend used to do this job for Turner networks. His job was to watch content set to air in foreign countries and document every moment that needed to be flagged due to censorship concerns. "At 0:52:13, use of the word 'fuck.' At 0:55:43, exposed nipple..." If he ever missed anything, he would have been fired, so he had to watch every second of the film. If he became distracted, he would have to rewind. Apparently he loved this job. It sounded miserable to me.
Every 3 minutes, have someone walk out with a stack of cards with pictures on them, and quickly flip through the pictures fast enough that they will certainly have to pause and rewind a whole bunch of times.
Make sure to randomize the number of cards, contents of the cards, and interval between showings. Make sure lots of them contain pictures of people in skimpy clothing or body suits. Include pictures of scantily dressed hairy men.
For maximum effect, each card should have 4 pictures on it, and be shown for less than 2 seconds max. Better yet, change the speed of flips with pauses of up to 5 or 6 seconds on one card, then flip rapidly through 5 or 6 cards....repeat.
Then, copy the whole film, and spice the whole copy on the end, backwards.
"I opened my eyes, and everything went dark again"
Yet, watching paint dry still better than some of the shit movies those people have to watch. Shit, I could imagine a month into that job wanting to tear my eyes out and run screaming from the room bumping into walls and furniture on the way out. Could you imagine having to watch shitty movie, after shitty movie day in and day out. Watching paint dry would be a relief, guy in question is an idiot. Honestly If I were them I would be begging for more paint drying movies, the peace of serenity of that, after week after week of watching more often than not self indulgent shit, would be an enormous relief. I would send the guy a thank you with a request for more, perhaps grass growing, or clouds moving across the sky or water dripping into a barrel anything but another shit Hollywood reboot, oh the humanity.
Chaos - everything, everywhere, everywhen