How Social Isolation Is Killing Us (nymag.com)
schwit1 quotes a report from The New York Times: Social isolation is a growing epidemic (Warning: may be paywalled; alternate source) -- one that's increasingly recognized as having dire physical, mental and emotional consequences. Since the 1980s, the percentage of American adults who say they're lonely has
doubled from 20 percent to 40 percent. About one-third of Americans older than 65 now
live alone, and half of those over 85 do. People in
poorer health -- especially those with mood disorders like anxiety and
depression -- are more likely to feel lonely. Those
without a college education are the least likely to have someone they can talk to about important personal matters. A wave of new research suggests social separation is bad for us. Individuals with less social connection have disrupted
sleep patterns, altered
immune systems, more inflammation and higher levels of
stress hormones. One recent study found that isolation increases the risk of heart disease by 29 percent and stroke by 32 percent. Another analysis that pooled data from 70 studies and 3.4 million people found that socially isolated individuals had a 30 percent higher risk of dying in the next seven years, and that this effect was largest in middle age. Loneliness can
accelerate cognitive decline in older adults, and isolated individuals are twice as likely to die prematurely as those with more robust social interactions. These effects start early:
Socially isolated children have significantly poorer health 20 years later, even after controlling for other factors. All told, loneliness is as important a risk factor for early death as
obesity and smoking.
There are actually some people who are either happy or at least nonplussed to be alone. Not everyone feels a deep seated need to talk about the weather or hear about trivial personal problems. Not everyone who lives alone degenerates into a curled up ball and mentally wastes away. But the day health risks are determined on an individual basis from a large pool of facts is far, far away. People like the security blanket statements that sum up a complicated condition into one handy catch phrase or statistic. Much like stereotypes, while statistically this study may be correct in general it certainly does not apply to everyone equally.
what's isolating me is money. Every year my income is more or less static but my bills go up. I've had promotions, a few projects that brought in some extra cash; but they've mostly served to keep my head above water and clean up the mess from the 2008 economy crash.
Plus it's hard to stay in one place for any length of time. You gotta move to where the work is. And to be blunt, I live in the cheap tech worker apartments, and that means lots and lots of folks here on work visas. They're nice people, but they're not my people.
I'd be a hell of a lot less isolated if the economy would stabilize, but I don't see a snowball's chance in hell of that...
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Pretty much to be sociable you need a large group of people.
In the past this was based either around your extended family, region, race, religion, or national heritage. This was not always a good thing either at the micro or macro level, but it did represent a support network for some (but not all) members of a societal group.
Nowadays much of this has been lost, due to globalization, electronics, hetereogenized neighborhoods (especially new builds as evidenced in the US.) Neighborhoods for better or worse are often no longer established families and friends. As people have spread out, that previous sense of community has slowly dissolved. While there just as many people available today, fewer of them are willing to interact with people outside of their social norms, and since those social norms are spread more thinly across the local region, it becomes less likely that a particular person has an immediate support network to overcome that isolation.
As a personal example: When I was a kid, there were a half dozen kids around my age all living with a block or so of me. While there was a concern of child predators and abductions, by and large people still let their kids go outside, and kids by and large still snuck off to go have fun with friends (my parents were however one of the 'shut in' types, up until I was around 10 or so, at which point I was allowed to bike to school (mostly because my mom had better things to do than actually bother to take me to school or pick me up on time.) In addition to this there was at least one empty field per block (1/4 to 1/2 mile square) which usually lead to a congregation point for the kids. Fast forward 10-20 years and all those fields have been fenced in or built over. Most parents are more concerned about the appearance of their children's safety in regards to allowing them out in the neighborhood, and kids by and large would rather play videogames/watch tv/on a computer than go outside and do stuff, whether hanging out with friends, terrorizing neighbors, or finding field replacements to hang out in.
What about if you find being around other people stressful? I know plenty of people - myself included - who need to get away from others from time to time because being around other people just drains my batteries big time. It isn't shyness, I'm completely socialized, and not remotely awkward. But I find being around others stressful at times. I guess that you might describe it as how some people are afraid of public speaking. I can stand and deliver all day without a hitch, without a bit of nervousness - but after the evening's socialization, I need a day or two to recharge.
The shepherds did so well protecting the flock that the sheep no longer believed that wolves existed.
I'm trying to figure out what bullshit rip-off "service" sponsored this article.
pr0n - keeping monitor glass spotless since 1981.
Slashdot is quite bad, but Facebook is vastly worse.
I think part of the problem is that people get spread too thin. When you have 500 friends, you really have no friends. Exclusive time and confidentiality disappears. It's not the frequency of contact that makes friendship, it's the depth.
That said, some people function better alone. And some need a social network. Our species does so well at least in part because we differ so much. What one person can't handle, another one can.
to make my debt affordable then something is very, very wrong with the economy.
You're right about the monetary system being used to balance things, but it's just a temporary patch on a broken system. People have come to expect (reasonable I'd say) improved quality of life. This generation is on track to the be first one American history to be worse off overall.
Hi! I make Firefox Plug-ins. Check 'em out @ https://addons.mozilla.org/en-US/firefox/addon/youtube-mp3-podcaster/
I can certainly see how feeling lonely can lead to ill health effects. However feeling lonely and being alone are two different animals. One is a state of mind while the other is just a state of proximity.
Refusal and/or inability to trust will ensure you remain lonely even when you're in a relationship. It's also somewhat of a fallacy to assume every woman, or even the majority of women, are like your ex-wife. This assumes your description of why she left you is accurate. If the truth is closer to "I lost my job then sat on my ass for six months and played video games" then it may be entirely reasonable to suspect most women are like your ex-wife.
I think part of the problem is that people get spread too thin. When you have 500 friends, you really have no friends. Exclusive time and confidentiality disappears. It's not the frequency of contact that makes friendship, it's the depth.
I think it quite quickly sorts into tiers anyway, because in the real world you're only one place at a time. If you hang out with group A of friends on the weekends, you're not hanging out with group B. Or for that matter how you balance friends/family/partner/self-time, obviously if you have a wife and kids you don't have the same time as when you were single but there's still a large degree of choice. I can feel it on something so trivial as when we're playing a four player online co-op game, who's first to be asked and who's just backup if the others are unavailable.
Everybody else you're really just an observer and not part of their lives. I don't want to undersell Facebook either because I understand the feeling of taking parts in your grandkids' lives without actually being physically present, but when it comes to creating real bonds of friendship and family you have to be there and really interact with them. Even when we're just alone together, like when my buddy and I go out flying our drones we each fly our own drone but it's a shared experience. If I did it and posted on my Facebook and he did it and posted on his Facebook it wouldn't be the same at all.
Live today, because you never know what tomorrow brings
Half the problem is that many, many American/Western women make terrible partners. They're self-centered, self-absorbed perpetually unhappy, and will dump you in a heartbeat for something "better". They're not your partner, they're your competitor. It's very very hard to have a real relationship with most American/Western women. And I speak from 50+ years of combined dating and marriage experience.
If anything and I mean anything goes wrong, it's going to be your fault because your job sole job in life (in her mind) is to make her "happy" and "satisfied", whatever that means. If you don't make her happy all the time, that's gonna be a problem- your problem, not hers.
If you can't read her mind and know/predict exactly what she wants, you're screwed. ("You don't understand me!")
If you can't fulfill her every whim, you're screwed.
If one day she wakes up and decides you're not her "soulmate" anymore, you're screwed.
If you suggest to her what to do, you're domineering and controlling, but if you let her do whatever she wants, you're a wimp.
No matter how well off you are, remember that that will be her baseline in terms of expectations during your marriage. Drop below that for any reason and you're in trouble. Not her, YOU.
You don't like her friends? Tough shit, deal with it. She doesn't like your friends? Get rid of them.
From my experience you're far better off looking abroad for a wife and partner. Ask me how I know. :)
Just cruising through this digital world at 33 1/3 rpm...