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Want to Be Happy? Think Like an Old Person (nytimes.com)
The New York Times: Older people report higher levels of contentment or well-being than teenagers and young adults. The six elders put faces on this statistic. If they were not always gleeful, they were resilient and not paralysed by the challenges that came their way. All had known loss and survived. None went to a job he did not like, coveted stuff she could not afford, brooded over a slight on the subway or lost sleep over events in the distant future. They set realistic goals. Only one said he was afraid to die. Gerontologists call this the paradox of old age: that as people's minds and bodies decline, instead of feeling worse about their lives, they feel better (Editor's note: the link may be paywalled; alternative source). In memory tests, they recall positive images better than negative; under functional magnetic resonance imaging, their brains respond more mildly to stressful images than the brains of younger people. John Sorensen, who liked to talk, brought cheer to every conversation, even those about wanting to die. Helen Moses and Ping Wong knew exactly what they wanted: for Ms Moses, it was her daughter and Mr Zeimer; for Ms Wong, it was mah-jongg and the camaraderie it entailed, even if the other players spoke a different dialect or followed the rules of a different home region. Mr Jones, Ms Willig and Mr Mekas all spent their energy on the things they could still do that brought them satisfaction, not on what they had lost to age.
I'm in my late 30's but I don't own a smartphone, don't partake of social media, don't have a dozen credit cards, don't have tens of thousands of dollars in college loan debt, don't buy into all the latest electronics fads, don't live beyond my means, don't act like I'm married to my job, don't have countless hollow relationships with people I don't care about, et cetera.
I never thought about it before, but I'm way less stressed than most people my age.
P.S. It helps that I also don't have kids or a significant other. And no plans to have either of course of my life. So add freedom to the list.
Few year ago I read an article about how different abilities, of the mind and the body peak at different ages. The question was "is there an ideal age". Some things I knew (e.g. endurance peaks about 40).
The most interesting graph was the last one where happiness and sexual desire/ability were plotted versus age. Happiness is the lowest around 40 (stands to reason - you begin to reevaluate your life and will always find many things to regret). Around 60 you are as happy as you were around 20. And then happiness goes up to infinity, cut short only by death. However, exactly at that point where you become happier than ever in your live your sexual desire/ability is gone. So there it is - sexual desire is a hassle. Or rather the behaviors, desires and frustrations that it generates.
Anecdote: one of my best friends told me once " I can't wait until the moment I won't be interested in women. What a bloody distraction, like a constant buzz in your head and body!" While I frankly cannot imagine what it is to live without craving women I begin to think it might not be that bad...
This is the opposite of my experience. Until recently, every modern US generation had it better than their parents, and knew it. It's only been this century that the realization has sunk in that the standard of living is no longer going up, when things like healthcare, job opportunities, housing costs and debt are considered. We have cheap toys and internet. Everything else is starting to suck.
Those who did not succeed with those challenges probably died.
Don't trust any concentration of power.
Naturally, there are still things that matter and are worth being concerned about. For example, if poverty became so rampant that social unrest erupted, the economy tanked, banks failed, savings were wiped out, crime exploded, and war eventually broke out... all of a sudden, the prospect of sleeping late, followed by a leisurely brunch and a hike with the dog... might not sound so realistic or even so appealing any more.
Don’t get me wrong: you’re quite right to also enjoy the day and savour the fruits of your past efforts! I only mean to say that, regardless of our age and situation, there are things that really matter and they tend to be the same things. So the problem might not be so much that young people worry excessively about frivolous stuff (though they sure face a lot of pressure to do so, now mostly coming not from nature but from commercial concerns, whose influence I wish could be curbed); rather, it may be that they worry too little about stuff that really matters.
When freed from petty concerns, older generations might be in the position to help their successors pay some serious attention to important issues, ensuring that the insignificant does not displace the significant in younger people’s minds. And it won’t be enough to preach that such and such doesn’t really matter much, son! (That would be roundly rejected.) Instead, through personal engagement, leading by example, affirming and explaining “here is some of the stuff that I believe really matters, and let me tell you why I believe so...”
I think it's simply learned filtering.
There are hundreds of things to get upset about every single day, from "is my child ever going to pick up their toys?" to "that guy cut me off in traffic" to "I hate our president"...the older people get, they start to likely recognize the secret: not much of that shit really matters. Theresa no reason to let it get to you in a way that affects your happiness.
It's pretty Zen, actually.
-Styopa