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The First Rule of Microsoft Excel -- Don't Tell Anyone You're Good at It (wsj.com)
An anonymous reader shares a report: When Anand Kalelkar started a new job at a large insurance company, colleagues flooded him with instant messages and emails and rushed to introduce themselves in the cafeteria. He soon learned his newfound popularity came with strings attached. Strings of code. Many of Mr. Kalelkar's co-workers had heard he was a wizard at Microsoft Excel and were seeking his help in taming unruly spreadsheets and pivot tables gone wrong.
[...] Excel buffs are looking to lower their profiles. Since its introduction in 1985 by Microsoft Corp., the spreadsheet program has grown to hundreds of millions of users world-wide. It has simplified countless office tasks once done by hand or by rudimentary computer programs, streamlining the work of anyone needing to balance a budget, draw a graph or crunch company earnings. Advanced users can perform such feats as tracking the expenditures of thousands of employees. At the same time, it has complicated the lives of the office Excel Guy or Gal, the virtuosos whose superior skills at writing formula leave them fighting an endless battle against the circular references, merged cells and mangled macros left behind by their less savvy peers.
"If someone tells you that they âjust have a few Excel sheets' that they want help with, run the other way," tweeted 32-year-old statistician Andrew Althouse. "Also, you may want to give them a fake phone number, possibly a fake name. It may be worth faking your own death, in extreme circumstances." The few Excel sheets in question, during one recent encounter, turned out to have 400 columns each, replete with mismatched terms and other coding no-nos, said Mr. Althouse, who works at the University of Pittsburgh. The project took weeks to straighten out.
[...] Excel buffs are looking to lower their profiles. Since its introduction in 1985 by Microsoft Corp., the spreadsheet program has grown to hundreds of millions of users world-wide. It has simplified countless office tasks once done by hand or by rudimentary computer programs, streamlining the work of anyone needing to balance a budget, draw a graph or crunch company earnings. Advanced users can perform such feats as tracking the expenditures of thousands of employees. At the same time, it has complicated the lives of the office Excel Guy or Gal, the virtuosos whose superior skills at writing formula leave them fighting an endless battle against the circular references, merged cells and mangled macros left behind by their less savvy peers.
"If someone tells you that they âjust have a few Excel sheets' that they want help with, run the other way," tweeted 32-year-old statistician Andrew Althouse. "Also, you may want to give them a fake phone number, possibly a fake name. It may be worth faking your own death, in extreme circumstances." The few Excel sheets in question, during one recent encounter, turned out to have 400 columns each, replete with mismatched terms and other coding no-nos, said Mr. Althouse, who works at the University of Pittsburgh. The project took weeks to straighten out.
100% agree. Any excel sheet that complicated that someone needs "help" with it, doesn't belong in excel.
The over-use of Excel is a result of the under-use of real programming languages, and real developers. This is a CHRONIC problem in corporations all over the world.
Here's what happens:
Some Guy 15 years ago hacked up an excel spreadsheet to do a rudimentary task. Some Guy left 10 years ago, and now it's grown into a series of terrible, horrible hacks over the last 10 years. Corporations finds Some Guy 2, and wants him to look through the horrible code that now exists and "fix it", or "make it do new thing 2". It's the same thing that happens to all software, but far worse.
It's bad enough when it's in a real programming language written by a trained developer. it's 100 times worse when it's written in Excel, and written by a neophyte developer. We had these things all over the place at my last workplace. One of them pulled from a database and created dozens and dozens of database connections each time it interacted with anything. The thing was a nightmare, and we did eventually kill it. But it existed for yeaaars doing god knows what.
Simple answer: Excel with sheets linked to database tables.
You only have to show the good ones, once. A database is the place to store any data big enough that you have to filter and/or sort before looking. IMHO anything more than about 100 rows belongs in a table, not on a sheet.
It also helps to demystify databases. If an accounting type can setup a worksheet, he can setup a table. It won't be a good design, but who cares? Hopefully it will have an index.
You won't want to give them access to any database server that's 'live'. Build them their own. They will make mistakes. But don't let them run local, or the data won't get backed up.
John McAfee 'It was like that time I hired that Bangkok prostitute; to do my taxes, while I fucked my accountant'
Many (many) years ago, my mom told me, "Don't put how many words per minute you can type on your resume unless you want to get a job as a typist."
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