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The First Rule of Microsoft Excel -- Don't Tell Anyone You're Good at It (wsj.com)

An anonymous reader shares a report: When Anand Kalelkar started a new job at a large insurance company, colleagues flooded him with instant messages and emails and rushed to introduce themselves in the cafeteria. He soon learned his newfound popularity came with strings attached. Strings of code. Many of Mr. Kalelkar's co-workers had heard he was a wizard at Microsoft Excel and were seeking his help in taming unruly spreadsheets and pivot tables gone wrong.

[...] Excel buffs are looking to lower their profiles. Since its introduction in 1985 by Microsoft Corp., the spreadsheet program has grown to hundreds of millions of users world-wide. It has simplified countless office tasks once done by hand or by rudimentary computer programs, streamlining the work of anyone needing to balance a budget, draw a graph or crunch company earnings. Advanced users can perform such feats as tracking the expenditures of thousands of employees. At the same time, it has complicated the lives of the office Excel Guy or Gal, the virtuosos whose superior skills at writing formula leave them fighting an endless battle against the circular references, merged cells and mangled macros left behind by their less savvy peers.

"If someone tells you that they âjust have a few Excel sheets' that they want help with, run the other way," tweeted 32-year-old statistician Andrew Althouse. "Also, you may want to give them a fake phone number, possibly a fake name. It may be worth faking your own death, in extreme circumstances." The few Excel sheets in question, during one recent encounter, turned out to have 400 columns each, replete with mismatched terms and other coding no-nos, said Mr. Althouse, who works at the University of Pittsburgh. The project took weeks to straighten out.

4 of 202 comments (clear)

  1. Article should read STOP USING EXCEL! by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Insightful

    The over-use of Excel is a result of the under-use of real programming languages, and real developers. This is a CHRONIC problem in corporations all over the world.

    Here's what happens:
    Some Guy 15 years ago hacked up an excel spreadsheet to do a rudimentary task. Some Guy left 10 years ago, and now it's grown into a series of terrible, horrible hacks over the last 10 years. Corporations finds Some Guy 2, and wants him to look through the horrible code that now exists and "fix it", or "make it do new thing 2". It's the same thing that happens to all software, but far worse.

    It's bad enough when it's in a real programming language written by a trained developer. it's 100 times worse when it's written in Excel, and written by a neophyte developer. We had these things all over the place at my last workplace. One of them pulled from a database and created dozens and dozens of database connections each time it interacted with anything. The thing was a nightmare, and we did eventually kill it. But it existed for yeaaars doing god knows what.

  2. Re:Move it to SQL by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Informative


      Some people just have 10,000 rows of data and its kinda overkill to put that small dataset into a database.

    I completely disagree. It's overkill to be using excel for 10,000 rows of data. Why are you using a spreadsheet when you have that much data? It's completely the wrong tool. Spend a little time and learn a new tool! SQL doesn't mean having to store it on a server somewhere.

  3. Re:Move it to SQL by hey! · · Score: 5, Funny

    Point being, Excel is good for something, and lousy for others. R is good for somethings, and difficult and overkill for others.

    You misunderstand why I'd steer them to R. Somehow you've got the impression I want to help them.

    --
    Post may contain irony: discontinue use if experiencing mood swings, nausea or elevated blood pressure.
  4. Re:Move it to SQL by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Interesting

    Why are you using a spreadsheet when you have that much data?

    Because we don't have a license for an SQL server or an IT department prepared to support a free one. Duh.

    So you can afford a license for MS Excel but not pay nothing for SQLite or PostgreSQL?

    Oh, I "forgot" you said you had no IT department to help you with the free one... But you have an IT department helping you with all your Excel problems?

    Or you don't? How the **** are you handling all the Excel problems then? If you don't have any, great, your workplace seems to be a place full of Excel wizards. But if they are, they should be able to learn how to use a SQL-engine/server without much trouble.

    Learn to use the right tool for the job instead of using shitty tools. After the initial period of learning you will wonder why you were such complete and utter idiots for all those years, when you could have done real work instead in a fraction of the time and with much less headache from trying to debug poorly designed spreadsheets.

    SQL doesn't mean having to store it on a server somewhere.

    Yes, it does. If the SQL server software happens to be running on your desktop then it's a server, especially if you expect other people to access the data.

    No, SQLite is "server-less", so there are options if you don't want "servers".

    But servers aren't something evil, why are you so obsessed with not having servers? You are right in that any computer serving something to clients are technically servers. But in reality when you talk about servers you mostly mean dedicated servers, servers which is not used as a workstation for someone else.

    My computer at my old work was always turned on, so for a while I ran FileMaker to share data with my coworkers, and later my PostgreSQL server which replaced FileMaker on it. When everyone realized it was really helpful to share date we got it a new home on a "real server". But those can be pretty much anything with a little computing power. Heck, you could run PostgreSQL on a Raspberry Pi if you wanted something that is out of the way, doesn't draw much power and doesn't generates noise. I wouldn't recommend it, but there are all kinds of solutions, and I bet you have some computers unused somewhere that could be used.

    If you have machines capable of running Excel, you can sure as heck let them run some kind of SQL-server.