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NASA's InSight Successfully Lands on Mars (theverge.com)
NASA's latest Mars lander, InSight, successfully touched down on the surface of the Red Planet moments ago, surviving an intense plunge through the Martian atmosphere. From a report: It marks the eighth picture-perfect landing on Mars for NASA, adding to the space agency's impressive track record of putting spacecraft on the planet. And now, InSight's two-year mission has begun, one that entails listening for Marsquakes to learn about the world's interior. After six and a half months of traveling through space, InSight hit the top of Mars' atmosphere a little before 3PM ET. It then made a daring descent to the surface, performing a complex multi-step routine that slowed the lander from more than 12,000 miles per hour to just 5 miles per hour before it hit the ground. To get to the surface safely, InSight had to autonomously deploy a supersonic parachute, gather radar measurements, and ignite its thrusters all at the right time. Altogether, the landing took just under seven minutes to complete, prompting the nickname "seven minutes of terror." "InSight's view is a flat, smooth expanse called Elysium Planitia, but its workspace is below the surface, where it will study Mars' deep interior," Nasa posted Monday, sharing the first photo after the landing.
Whose gel-sacs will be ruptured this time?
Earlier this afternoon the The Council of Elders announced in triumph that they have once again detected and deflected the efforts of the blue world to land upon our soil.
K'Nord, Speaker for the Council of Elders, told reporters in a lengthy and jovial press conference
Shortly thereafter, a junior analyst in the room was overheard suggesting that the vessel was in fact designed to be stationary, and that it furthermore contained a drilling device designed to penetrate deeply into the planetary soil. Quickly reiterating the victory at hand, K'nord then had the analyst's gelsacs extracted and pulpified, to be used as a cleaning solution for the Council members' glasses.
I don't bet against NASA anymore. After Curiosity used the "Sky Crane" to land on Mars I had to sing the Star-Spangled Banner naked on the roof of an office building in Ohio. Which meant that it was just another day in Ohio, but I was certain that that thing was going to be a smoking hole in Mars...
I am not interested in articles about life extension advancements.
One of my life goals is to go down in the history books as the first human to die on Mars. Unfortunately, my health isn't good enough for them to take me as a volunteer, never mind that fact that I'd likely commit suicide the instant we landed just to make sure I got the record...
I've abandoned my search for truth; now I'm just looking for some useful delusions.
From the desk of his Imperiousness Qwerrfygrum:
"Once again, the watery inhabitants of the Third Planet have assaulted our Beloved Homeland.
25 Years ago, their attacks began, first with a suicidal crash, second with a landing that our Illustrious General Grogooglebarg (may his essences swim forever) disabled only moments after touchdown.
We have managed over these years to maintain a strong success rate, with more than half their attacks being diverted, disabled, or destroyed before tainting our Red Fundament.
Recently, some of their attack craft have landed and continued to roam. Those responsible for disabling these craft have been sequentially sacked until we've found the right Tentacle for the job! I believe I can say with confidence they have all been terminated finally.
Unfortunately, however, the grim news of another lander cannot be refuted.
The only way this could possibly get worse would be if this new attack craft actually drilled into Mother Mars, violating her sacred surface.
STAY BRAVE, MARTIANS! We will triumph!"
-Styopa