Slashdot Mirror
Get Sloshed with Slashdot at LinuxWorld
Andover.Net is springing for a party
for Slashdot readers at LinuxWorld next week Tuesday. The shindig will
be held at the Park Side Hall accross the street from the
conference center immediately following Linus' keynote. Tunes
will be provided by VAs San "NeTTwerk" Mehat, and the Beer will be
provided by Andover. (Let me just say that it is super wierd throwing
your own bash at a conference instead of just leaching off everyone
else's, but hey, free beer, right?).
It you make any modifications to the beer, please *don't* redistribute it.
NERDS UNLEASH HOLY TERROR IN SAN JOSE
.. not a yak."
Atrocities "Too Graphic To List", States Police Chief
SAN JOSE, CA (UPI) - Dredging up painful memories of other recent riots in southern California, the city of San Jose was consumed by raucous, drunken nerds last evening, and officials estimate that it will be "quite some time" before the carnage can be cleaned up and life can return back to normal.
The events started off innocently enough. Several readers and contributors to the online nerd Mecca Slashdot were gathered together outside of a Linux convention. Linux is a type of computer that does not have windows and only runs hydroponics simulations software.
However, things got out of hand when the group's ringleader, Rob "CmdrTaco" Malda, began to start playing old The Who bootlegs. When the beer ran out, the party's crazed attendees ruthlessly invaded the liquor cabinet and had drained it completely dry in record time. They then took to the streets, leaving no target untarnished.
"I'm still trying to get those goddamn motorcycles out of my pool," sputtered Howard Johnson, who owns an area Holiday Inn. "I'm going to have to have to drain the whole thing." Johnson then pointed to a screaming toddler that had been hoisted all the way up a nearby flagpole. "That little bastard's mother is still trying to find somebody to get him down. I tell you, kids these days just have no respect for authority."
Edward Hoffman, the chief of police for San Jose, agreed.
"I have seen lots of unruliness in my tenure as police chief," related Hoffman. "But never anything like this. Why, there were literally hundreds of drunken imbeciles running around shouting 'MEEPT!' and inciting general violence." Hoffman said that while the death toll of two victims is relatively low, the emotional scars that this incident has left on witnesses will probably never heal. "There are some things that just stick with a person," he said. "This whole riot is going to be one of them."
"These people were completely insane," said Hoffman. "They were committing acts of depravity that are quite simply too graphic to list." Details are beginning to emerge. Sergeant Dale Smith recanted a gruesome tale involving a nerd, a prostitute named Tangerine, six feet of rubber tubing, a quart of motor oil, and a yak. Smith spoke under the condition of anonymity. Chief Hoffman later confirmed Smith's story.
"A yak," said Hoffman. "That's fucked."
Linus Torvalds, the father of Linux, urged the international community to remain calm. "I would remind you," Mr. Torvalds said through a spokesman, "that under no conditions should these actions be taken as par-for-the-course for Linux users in general. Personally," he continued, "I would have used a gnu
The San Jose Mercury News contributed to this article.
We're going down, in a spiral to the ground
--
PS: it's weird, e-i, not wierd.
--
I'm sure that there will be a vigorous competition to drink to the point of nausea and get the coveted "FIRST PUKE!!!"
--Shoeboy, who is very, very sorry about this post and promises to do better next time.
Let me just say that it is super wierd throwing your own bash at a conference instead of just leaching off everyone else's, but hey, free beer, right?
When you say "free beer", do you mean beer that is free in the sense of "libre", or beer that is free in the sense of "gratis"? I urge those of you reading this not to drink the beer unless Andover is willing to provide the recipe (a kind of "source code" for food) and details on its brewing process (a kind of "compilation" for beverages) for this beer.
Fortunately, Gee-Whiz, son of Gosh, will save you.
Gee-Whiz? You heretic. Everybody knows the true Son of Gosh is Jeepers.
You must be one of those Southern Baptists.
We're going down, in a spiral to the ground