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CBS to Pay One Million to Desert Island "Survivor"
wilkinsm writes "CBS is starting a new game show this fall called "Survivor." 16 constestants will be sent to a deserted island for seven weeks. Eventually the one that "survives" becomes the winner. It looks like all you get to take with you is your shirt on your back. There are looking for a "diverse" group of contestants, so I thought maybe some of you would like to try. " So, tribal counsels vote people out - I see Lord of The Flies, II: The Revenge of Piggy.
"Gilligan's Island" meets "The Real World".
"So, like, Heather was all in my face because my coconut radio didn't work. I told her she just needed to chill out. I mean, there's bound to be a boat coming by sooner or later. But she was all, 'No way. We're never getting off this island.' And I was all, 'So? We've got coconuts, bananas, and tons of awesome beach. It's all good, you know?' So then she just, like, hit me. So now we're going to have a vote to see if she needs to leave the island and maybe get some counselling or something."
Save the whales. Feed the hungry. Free the mallocs.
You guys all read Snow Crash...you do remember those pirates, right?
"How many light bulbs does it take to change a person?" --BMcC-->
The application alone seems designed to ensure that they all starve to death:
Applications MUST be written clearly or typed and must be accompanied by a videotape which meets the following restrictions:
CONTENT: Who you are and why you would make the ultimate Survivor! Be creative!
So, to be on the show, you must be able to survive a screen test. Something tells me this one will be the most important test of a cantidate, but really, even if they look good on camera, how are they going to look after 5 1/2 weeks on a deserted island with no plumbing?
Some of the other questions are amusing too. The answers most likely to ensure survival in a real marooning situation, are likewise those most likely to scare the producers and cause you not to be hired. Compare them with the typical angst-ridden teen applicant.
In which other occupations, if any, have you been employed (please list your last three (3))?
Tribesman Hunter, Gatherer, Flint knapper
Teen McDonalds, lifeguard, Walmart
What is your level of education and what school(s) did you attend?
Tribesman None
Teen I just graduated from SuperDuper High School in Podunk, Ohio (go Porcupines!)
Name three of your favorite hobbies.
Tribesman Making spears, burning out canoes, skinning game animals.
Teen Going to movies, shopping, talking on the phone
Not including your current place of residence, in which other cities and/or countries have you lived and for what period of time?
Tribesman I have lived in Brazil, Australia, and the Congo at various times. Of course, the tribes didn't call them that...
Teen I've never been outside of the three-state area.
List three adjectives that best describe yourself:
Tribesman Large, brutish, accurate (with projectiles)
Teen Smart, sensitive, ambitious
If you could hold any political office, what would it be and why?:
Tribesman Someday, I would like to lead my own clan into the rainforest and never return.
Teen I would be mayor, so I could beautify our city's streets and parks.
What is the accomplishment you are most proud of?:
Tribesman I killed my first wild boar when I was 10.
Teen I won the spelling bee my senior year!
Do you have any pets? If so, please list their name and type.:
Tribesman Animals are for eating.
Teen Poofy, my iguana.
Are you a vegetarian or do you eat meat?:
Tribesman See above.
Teen It isn't right to eat animals, they are people too.
What's your favorite movie?:
Tribesman Alive.
Teen Clueless
What's your favorite music to listen to?:
Tribesman The rythmic pounding of drums.
Teen Ska
Describe your perfect day.:
Tribesman Waking at dawn, I rise and gather my hunting equipment. But I find that a deer has fallen into the pit I dug last week, so I bludgeon it and dress it to take back to camp, where I roast a haunch and smoke the rest to preserve it. No tigers attack me.
Teen I get to sleep in till noon, then go and help my grandmother with her garden.
Do you have any body art (piercing, tattoos, etc.)? If so, please describe.:
Tribesman All men in my society have a 3 inch prong stuck through their lip after they make their first kill.
Teen I have 8 ear piercings, a nosering, two eyebrow rings, and one other one, you don't want to see it.
List three (3) items you would take with you to the Survivor! desert island, if allowed, and why?:
Tribesman A knife, a lighter, and a tarp. That's all I own anyway.
Teen A TV, stereo, and VCR so I wouldn't feel so far from home.
What is your favorite topic of conversation at a dinner party?:
Tribesman The upcoming rainy season, or the next expedition into town.
Teen The terrible plight of the suburbs in this country, as they are doomed to fall behind when even more sprawl moves people out from the cities.
What skills do you bring to the island that would make you a useful member of the group?
Tribesman Given a rock, I can provide food for the entire group.
Teen I am a good listener, a caring friend, and a swim instructor at my local pool.
Why do you believe you could be the final Survivor? (please limit your answer to 3 or 4 sentences):
Teen Because I believe in myself!
Tribesman If I am not, I will call down my tribe's medicine man and your corporate headquarters will be left a smoldering ruin in our wake.
Who do you think CBS will pick?
Communication is only possible between equals