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Humorous Product Disclaimers
ecsmith811 writes "It seems the infamous "they" that people always refer to have come up with some new disclaimers.
If you know who Pauli or Fermi is you'll definitely enjoy this. " Yeah, it's a Monday morning. My frazzled neuralnet finds this quite funny.
How very constructive.
You can't formulate a one or two sentence disclaimer by yourself, yet you are going to mock a successful software company? I can't wait to get a glimpse of your wit!
This is from the Journal of Irreproducible Results, (www.jir.com), Volume 36, Number 1. I think it was published about ten years ago, and is reproduced widely on the net, and as such, isn't terribly newsworthy.
My friend's father had taken the warning from the top step of a ladder, and placed it above the toilet in his bathroom. The label said:
"Warning! Do not sit or stand"
We determined that that left lying down.
Never gets old. It's in his book, "Dave Barry's Greatest Hits." A staple of my library.
This is a direct lift from an article in the Journal of Irreproducible Results, later know as the Annals of Improbable Research (http://www.improb.com).
I bought a talking South Park Desk Organizer (Kenny for all of you who are wondering). It was located in the toy section in the store, even though it plainly said on the top of the box:
WARNING: This is NOT a toy
New Scientist's Feedback column regularly has examples of bemusing labels; some examples that spring to mind (paraphrasing) are the frisbee that wasn't suitable for under threes because it contained small parts and the CD player that said "warning: dangerous warning inside".
From the kitchen in my dorm's basement. The sign on the microwave reads:
Do NOT leave microwave unattended when not in use.
:)
You obviously haven't come home after work and found that your microwave has had a party without you and totally trashed the place. It was terrible I still haven't managed to shift the stains from the walls [shudder], goodness only knows what that was. (I even asked, but it just stared at me with those baleful dials and well...)
Suffice to say I'm now employing someone to watch it 24/7.
:)
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I had to read this so don't scorn me
Note on Java Support. The OS Components may contain support for programs written in Java. Java technology is not fault tolerant and is not designed, manufactured, or intended for use or resale as on-line control equipment in hazardous environments requiring fail-safe performance, such as in the operation of nuclear facilities, aircraft navigation or communication systems, air traffic control, direct life support machines, or weapons systems, in which the failure of Java technology could lead directly to death, personal injury, or severe physical or environmental damage. Sun Microsystems, Inc. has contractually obligated Microsoft to make this disclaimer.
Heheh.
-[ World domination - rains.net ]-
I saw this one the other night on a commercial for Saturn automobiles. The ad features testimony from a Saturn owner who was involved in an accident with a truck, but 'thanks to the superior safety features of his Saturn', he was able to walk away unscathed.
Meanwhile, the Saturn legal department added this disclaimer in the corner of the screen:
"Actual crash results may vary."
Ever want to bake cookies based off of U.S. military standards?
/.'ed. If anyone wants to post it, let me know.
For those of you who have access to a standards database check out MIL-C-44072C. The title is "Military Specification: Cookies, Oatmeal and Brownies, Chocolate Covered".
I have a pdf file if anyone is interested. I don't want to put it up on my web page for fear of being
This document is 23 pages and discusses (in government detail) all of the ingredients, baking procedures, and possible shipping methods. If you want to bake, bake with this government recipe.
Just so you know: "This specification is approved for use by all Departments and Agencies of the Department of Defense". So the usual disclaimer probably applies: Use at your own risk.
~afniv
"Man könnte froh sein, wenn die Luft so rein wäre wie das Bier"
~afniv
"Man könnte froh sein, wenn die Luft so rein wäre wie das Bier"
Richard von Weizs
Anarchy Rules!!! (oh well, nobody ever said wrestling was for the (for lack of a better word) more educated population....we have chess)
Maybe not a disclaimer, but still funny.
That's my $(2^4*3+1/7%3*2/100)
--Justin Mitchell
"2nd Place is a fancy word for losing" --Bender (Futurama)
Please Note:
Some quantum theories suggest that when the consumer is not directly observing this product, it may cease to exist.
Now I know why my socks disappear when I put them in the dryer
Shouldn't water have an infinite shelf life?
The water has an infinite shelf life; the problem is that if it sits in those plastic bottles too long it will become laden with carcinogens and other toxins by leaching.
These will cause your gonads to shrivel up and fall off or alternatively massive brain tumors like Roblimo.