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Sex in Space
Alex Farber turned us on to this story in the January 2000 issue of Scientific American about something NASA never talks about: sex in space. The article says, "Rumors of unofficial orbital couplings abound, but no one is talking." With manned (and/or womanned) Mars missions likely to take 2.5 years or more, and duty cycles on the planned International Space Station expected to be nearly six months, outer space sex is a subject even the most prudish NASA bureaucrats will not be able to avoid much longer. Face it: wouldn't you want to experiment with Zero-G lovemaking if you had a chance to do so - and you had a willing partner available whose curiosity quotient was as high as yours?
Install cameras and charge pay-per-view. That would get most of America's attention. Hell, you could pay for a lot more than 2.5 years under that funding model.
I can see the headlines now:
"Mons Veneris Explored Near Venetian Mountain"
"If one is really a superior person, the fact is likely to leak out without too much assistance" -- John Andrew Holmes
NASA ANNOUNCES NEW STRATEGIC VISION
.. not because it is limp, but because it is hard!"
First Porno Made In Space Will Fetch "Billions", Says Administrator Goldin
GREENBELT, MD (UPI) - After suffering several embarassing setbacks, including the loss of the Mars Polar Lander, Climate Orbiter, and XR-2300 Space Modulator, NASA has announced that it has decided to undertake a major shift in its funding paradigm and accept large donations from the private sector. This paradigm shift comes on the heels of sweeping condemnation from several key members of Congress, who have vowed to eliminate the agency from the federal government.
With comments from the readership of Hustler magazine guiding him, NASA adminstrator Dan Goldin laid out a plan to shoot the first space-based pornographic movie. "We are confident," explained Goldin, "that space pornos can provide NASA with the funding that we need to explore the solar system and the rest of the Universe." Goldin continued: "It will make billions!"
And perhaps Goldin is right. The American Taxpayer's Union, a Congressional watchdog organization, conducted a study on the effect of having American pornography revenue pumped directly into NASA. "Our figures indicate," explained group spokesman Terry Schmidt, "that if NASA were to go ahead with this plan, we could build a colony on Mars the size of Cleveland by the year 2002."
Goldin's comments were made at the Press Briefing Room of the Goddard Space Flight Center in Greenbelt, Maryland. His sentiments are also shared by U.S. president William Jefferson Clinton, who addressed the issue in his annual State of the Union speech before Congress.
"I believe that we as a nation should commit ourselves to achieving the following goals," said Clinton. "First; I believe it should be the goal of this nation to film a porno in space before this decade is out, and return it safely to Earth." Clinton's comments were briefly drowned out by applause. "We choose to film the first orgy in space!" vowed Clinton. "We choose to film the first orgy in space
NASA insiders confirmed that adult film stars Ron Jeremy and Christi Canyon have been signed to a three-film deal with the space agency. The first film, tentatively entitled "Hot And Heavy Weightless Love", will be shot aboard the Space Shuttle Endeavour in the fall of the year 2000.
"The agency that brought you microwave ovens and Tang is also going to be the agency that brings you the world's first zero-gee cumshot," beamed an ecstatic Goldin. "What a great time to be alive!"
Larry Flynt contributed to this story.
This story contained material unsuitable for children and should not have been read by any individuals under the age of 18.
We're going down, in a spiral to the ground
Oh, give me a locus where the gravitons focus, Where the three-body problem is solved...
Where the microwaves play down at three degrees K, and the cold virus never evolved.
Home, home on Lagrange, where the space debris always collects; we've achieved, so it seems, two of man's greatest dreams...
Solar power and zero-G sex.
We at Hammerhead produced the upcoming film Supernova, and there was a call in the script for a zero-g sex shot.
Well, Novespace, a French company, has a big A300 fitted as a zero-g research vehicle. Much like the KC-135 that NASA uses, but without all of those pesky governmental interferences. We called Novespace, and they were willing to let us rent the plane and film our zero-g sequences.
Before we got to the point of having to reveal exactly what these sequences would be, though, the deal was scotched. While the rental price was quite reasonable (less than 200K/day) the shooting would have to be done in France. Flying the minimal movie crew to France, putting them up for a week in a style to which we'd all like to become accustomed, and flying them back raised the price to something untenable. They couldn't fly the plane to the US because the FAA hadn't given them a US type certificate.
Now, it would be hard to have sex 30 seconds at a time; and of course it wouldn't be honest to goodness sex for our movie; but it would have been fun. It would be like nothing anybody had ever seen before.
thad
I love Mondays. On a Monday, anything is possible.
Cecil Adams is, of course, the world's smartest human and the author of the weelky column The Straight Dope.
Visual IRC: Fast. Powerful. Free.
While I worked there in Medical Operations, we did have some "flights of fancy" where folks versed in the functional and physiologic aspects of the activity speculated on various issues.
1. In microgravity, one must be concerned with maintaining appropriate positioning. We discussed a variety of methods, but decided several (n=2 or 3) bungee cords would work, if they weren't too tight or too loose.
2. In keeping with the concept of personal restraint for the Shuttle, it was decided (unofficially, of course) that this would be appropriate only on flights where the rigid sleep station was installed.
3. The term "consenting adult" takes on new meaning when you realize that the entire living space of the Shuttle is about the size of a minivan. If your fellow crew members don't agree to your (and your partner's) activities, you could find yourself duct-taped into a corner. For the rest of the flight.
4. Partaking of such activities is problemmatic because of the lack of a shower on the shuttle. Sponge baths were deemed unsatisfactory for further post-coital relaxation.
5. For reasons associated with personal hygiene, the lack of a shower dictated such activities late in the mission, so that odor wasn't a major issue in the cabin.
6. For reasons of personal hygiene, lack of a shower was expected to decrease the chances of this activity occurring as an unplanned event. Thecrew's well known for completing Crew Activity Plan (CAP) events, but unplanned optional events that are aesthetically unpleasant (like love-making after living together for 8 days in a minivan without a shower) have a history of being dropped. The participants would have to be committed to the experiment.
So... don't think it's never been discussed by the technical folks at NASA... just never admitted to by the managers.