MONDAY MORNING, In A Human Face Forever, Monday (NNGadget) — Millions of British workers are to be made redundant as companies install robotic Facebook readers, with F5-clicking robot arms, in the workplace to save human time interacting with social networks.
"Computers are in the workplace to improve our economic efficiency," said killjoy researcher Chris MacKenzie. "We thought companies would really go for something that would give an actual reason to lay off complete wastes of space without all that tedious waiting for them to post their tits or publicly slag off their boss."
Additional functionality includes posting to Twitter through that page someone made that looks like a spreadsheet and looking up the anatomy photos on Wikipedia so IT won't flag it trying to go to porn sites at work.
"The next model is showing great promise — it talks about football and last night's telly in the breakroom with the other computers, automatically drinks tea and never tells Facilties about the tea bags running out, and nips off to the bogs for a sly tug over porn on its iPhone when things are quiet. And do you think you'll get a drop of work out of it on Friday afternoon after it's been down the pub drowning its peripherals with the other ’bots? I don't bloody think so."
The only barrier to adoption may be the threat of redundancy for large swathes of senior management should the software be adapted to 19" Sony Vaio laptops. However, many workers who actually work at work were clamouring for a version that would automatically translate scientific papers from English to Faeces-Flinging Monkey and back and find funny videos on YouTube, thus enabling it to both write and read Metro and London Lite and saving everyone else the trouble.
Yes, it's barely-supported analyst wank, not any sort of proper industry survey. But it's from Forrester, and this sort of thing is their bread and butter.
Not quite. The Oracle-paid devs stayed working at Oracle (until they fired them all six months later), but most of the non-Oracle and non-IBM contributors got up and left - that is, the people who'd spent ten years giving OpenOffice a public reputation at all. Then Oracle threw it to IBM to do Apache OpenOffice, which is ridiculously behind in development (and is now wondering on its mailing list how on earth it can actually get any outside developers interested). (AOO partisans will deny both points, but those links are to the Wikipedia articles, which have ridiculous quantities of citations to this effect.)
CUPERTINO, Transylvania, Friday — After bricking unlocked iPhones, kicking applications off the iPhone store that might even slightly compete with iTunes in the far future and filing a wave of patents on basic well-known computer science, Apple Inc. today filed a Form 8-K with the Securities and Exchange Commission declaring that it was openly adopting Evil as a corporate policy.
"Fuck it," said Zombie Steve Jobs to an audience of soul-mortgaged thralls, "we're evil. But our stuff is sooo good. You'll keep taking our abuse. You love it, you worm. Because our stuff is great. It's shiny and it's pretty and it's cool and it works. It's not like you'll go back to a Windows phone. Ha! Ha!"
Steve Ballmer of Microsoft was incensed at the news. "Our evil is better than anyone's evil! No-one sweats the details of evil like Microsoft! Where's your antitrust trial, you polo-necked bozo? We've worked hard on our evil! Our Zune's as evil as an iPod any day! I won't let my kids use a lesser evil! We're going to do an ad about that! I'll be in it! With Jerry Seinfeld! Beat that! Asshole.”
"Of course, we're still not evil," said Sergey Brin of Google. "You can trust us on this. Every bit of data about you, your life and the house you live in is strictly a secret between you and our marketing department. But, hypothetically, if we were evil, it's not like you're going to use Windows Live Search. Ha! Ha! I'm sorry, that's my ‘spreading good cheer' laugh. Really."
And like any folk scene, Christian rock fans hate their bands for getting successful just as much as any metalhead or indie kid. "Oh, they're getting a bit worldly." No, you're a hipster.
Well, actually, they are. Fan fiction directly competes with what was the midlist of books. Fan fiction is laughed at for the hideous shit, but lots of it is passable quality if you like the characters, and it turns out the precious commodity is reader time and attention. So it plays out just like with music, except you need even less equipment. It's also totally a folk culture - the writers are the readers.
Audacity - simple, clunky, terrible interface Audacity - is basically the multitrack recorder we would have FUCKING KILLED FOR in the 1980s. And 1990s.
Slashdot Mirror
At the end of every speech, announce: "Elsevier delenda est."
This has made the Chronicle: http://chronicle.com/blogs/wiredcampus/posting-your-latest-article-you-might-have-to-take-it-down/48865
MONDAY MORNING, In A Human Face Forever, Monday (NNGadget) — Millions of British workers are to be made redundant as companies install robotic Facebook readers, with F5-clicking robot arms, in the workplace to save human time interacting with social networks.
"Computers are in the workplace to improve our economic efficiency," said killjoy researcher Chris MacKenzie. "We thought companies would really go for something that would give an actual reason to lay off complete wastes of space without all that tedious waiting for them to post their tits or publicly slag off their boss."
Additional functionality includes posting to Twitter through that page someone made that looks like a spreadsheet and looking up the anatomy photos on Wikipedia so IT won't flag it trying to go to porn sites at work.
"The next model is showing great promise — it talks about football and last night's telly in the breakroom with the other computers, automatically drinks tea and never tells Facilties about the tea bags running out, and nips off to the bogs for a sly tug over porn on its iPhone when things are quiet. And do you think you'll get a drop of work out of it on Friday afternoon after it's been down the pub drowning its peripherals with the other ’bots? I don't bloody think so."
The only barrier to adoption may be the threat of redundancy for large swathes of senior management should the software be adapted to 19" Sony Vaio laptops. However, many workers who actually work at work were clamouring for a version that would automatically translate scientific papers from English to Faeces-Flinging Monkey and back and find funny videos on YouTube, thus enabling it to both write and read Metro and London Lite and saving everyone else the trouble.
Good one, and thank you for taking a moment to make the world a better place :-)
Bug report, or it didn't happen. No-one else sees this.
Bug report or it didn't happen.
Base in LO 4.2 will offer Firebird, which is in C++. Way faster, too.
Where I work just moved from Lotus Notes to Google Apps. I cannot express just how much happier we all are.
Yes, it's barely-supported analyst wank, not any sort of proper industry survey. But it's from Forrester, and this sort of thing is their bread and butter.
"Analysts sell out - that's their business model. But they are very concerned that they never look like they are selling out, so that makes them very prickly to work with."
Not quite. The Oracle-paid devs stayed working at Oracle (until they fired them all six months later), but most of the non-Oracle and non-IBM contributors got up and left - that is, the people who'd spent ten years giving OpenOffice a public reputation at all. Then Oracle threw it to IBM to do Apache OpenOffice, which is ridiculously behind in development (and is now wondering on its mailing list how on earth it can actually get any outside developers interested). (AOO partisans will deny both points, but those links are to the Wikipedia articles, which have ridiculous quantities of citations to this effect.)
Bug report with sample document and it'll almost certainly get fixed quick-smart. FWIW.
Don’t forget the documentation to match!
HOWTO: write bad documentation that looks good
CUPERTINO, Transylvania, Friday — After bricking unlocked iPhones, kicking applications off the iPhone store that might even slightly compete with iTunes in the far future and filing a wave of patents on basic well-known computer science, Apple Inc. today filed a Form 8-K with the Securities and Exchange Commission declaring that it was openly adopting Evil as a corporate policy.
"Fuck it," said Zombie Steve Jobs to an audience of soul-mortgaged thralls, "we're evil. But our stuff is sooo good. You'll keep taking our abuse. You love it, you worm. Because our stuff is great. It's shiny and it's pretty and it's cool and it works. It's not like you'll go back to a Windows phone. Ha! Ha!"
Steve Ballmer of Microsoft was incensed at the news. "Our evil is better than anyone's evil! No-one sweats the details of evil like Microsoft! Where's your antitrust trial, you polo-necked bozo? We've worked hard on our evil! Our Zune's as evil as an iPod any day! I won't let my kids use a lesser evil! We're going to do an ad about that! I'll be in it! With Jerry Seinfeld! Beat that! Asshole.”
"Of course, we're still not evil," said Sergey Brin of Google. "You can trust us on this. Every bit of data about you, your life and the house you live in is strictly a secret between you and our marketing department. But, hypothetically, if we were evil, it's not like you're going to use Windows Live Search. Ha! Ha! I'm sorry, that's my ‘spreading good cheer' laugh. Really."
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Microsoft certainly was pushing tablet computers extremely hard, for a long time before the iPad.
Turns out ideas are cheap and execution matters.
"both units are already in short supply" - they made two, and sold one.
If the sysadmins have to go home, then hell yes, shuttering the sites is absolutely the right thing to do.
carefully controlled studies
Citation needed. I remember when we discovered for all their bleating about tablet UIs, they had clearly literally never tested GNOME on an actual tablet
All XFCE has to do is not fuck up.
Dear XFCE, Please: just DON'T FUCK IT UP. Thanks.
Christ, at this stage the revived CDE is more appealing than GNOME. Zippy as hell on modern hardware, too ('cos it doesn't do anything).
As long as XFCE continues to behave sanely, we'll be fine.
http://manboobz.com/ has everything you could want.
The pie (the total of paid-for music) is shrinking too, though - because people are giving away free pies because they can.
And like any folk scene, Christian rock fans hate their bands for getting successful just as much as any metalhead or indie kid. "Oh, they're getting a bit worldly." No, you're a hipster.
Well, actually, they are. Fan fiction directly competes with what was the midlist of books. Fan fiction is laughed at for the hideous shit, but lots of it is passable quality if you like the characters, and it turns out the precious commodity is reader time and attention. So it plays out just like with music, except you need even less equipment. It's also totally a folk culture - the writers are the readers.
Audacity - simple, clunky, terrible interface Audacity - is basically the multitrack recorder we would have FUCKING KILLED FOR in the 1980s. And 1990s.
Trouble is their weapon was Rebecca Black. FRIDAY FRIDAY FRIIIIIDAAAAAAYYYYYYY
I can quite believe it, but do you have a cite on that 8 million that I can use? Thanks :-)