Very little. The main reason for Cygwin on Wine is to test the quality of both. The main reason for Wine on Cygwin is to make Wine more cross-platform (as opposed to Linux, Linux and Linux), and BECAUSE WE CAN DO THIS WRONG AND BAD THING!
There's the excuse that we could use it to support stuff on newer versions of Windows that they don't support natively, or to support XP apps better than Win7 does or whatever. But really, it's because it's BAD AND WRONG and therefore fun. What's not to like?
That said, I haven't played with it in *ages* because my work machine is now Ubuntu and I don't have a handy XP or Win7 box around. But! There's endless evil to wreak for someone with too much time on their hands! You'll also make Wine more robustly cross-platformable, which is good.
(By the way, I gave up ads on my news site when I realised that I was taking 1/120 of the money I made working for a living in order to shove FLOATING FUCKING BANNERS in my friends' faces. WTF.)
They don't have local monopolies so much any more, so the print ad rates and sales are through the floor. They're blaming Google rather than the existence of the Internet itself.
Pretty much. They'd much rather people buy print ads, because print ads pay about ten times as much as online ads. The trouble is, they haven't made the next logical realisation, that that's why people aren't buying print ads much any more.
Apple is reportedly close to launching its long-rumored ____. It could be Apple's latest billion-dollar jackpot.
Analyst speculation says the ___ will be launched in September and be in the shops by Christmas. A new mention of the ___ crops up on Twitter around every eight minutes.
The ___ is rumoured to be any size and scale between the iPod Shuffle and the Macintosh IIfx. Some have described the ___ as a "___-killer." Analyst speculation suggests the ___ will use a fantastic new interface. "It will be a whole new paradigm," said Apple blogger Leander Kahney.
Expectations flared when technology research analysts noted that Taiwanese suppliers had received orders from an unknown buyer for a particular obscure component to be filled by the end of the year. "The only possible conclusion is that Apple will launch a ___ by early next year," said Kahney. "They've been working on the ___ for the past six years. People expect it to be the ultimate Apple surprise. This thing will knock people's socks off."
Apple has refused to comment on the ___ speculation. But Tim Cook, its chief operating officer, recently hinted that the company was working on something "very innovative." Steve Jobs is thought to have been personally involved in the development of the ___ over the past two years.
Daniel Eran Dilger noted on roughlydrafted.com that the ___ would need to be fueled on pain, angst, the destruction of the ecology, the torture of kittens and the tears of widows and orphans, but put together a devastatingly convincing and very lengthy explanation as to why Apple's actions were the only humanly acceptable option for the consumer, the technology industry and the future of humanity, and that Jobs' Nobel Peace Prize was ridiculously overdue. And that all problems were clearly Microsoft's fault.
I've just got my drives as FAT32 and speed is limited by the USB and the network. Should consider a better FS, i.e. one with any robustness at all and, ooh, allowing symlinks to exist would be nice.
This is what SAMBA is for. My home network has a mix of Ubuntu, Mac OS and Windows. It just serves to all of them without problems.
I'm using a small silent PC as the server. Plug the USB drive into it, plug the USB turntable into it (and the cassette deck into the turntable) for ripping LPs and tapes, it's lovely.
SMB over wifi serves fast enough to play MPEG4 video on the laptop and keep the toddler amused.
Following one of the biggest battles in the history of the UK Singles Chart, Sony BMG have beaten Sony BMG to achieve the UK's official Christmas number one.
Artists signed to the label have taken the festive top spot for four years in a row. A Facebook campaign backing the record company aimed to stop another song on the label reaching the Christmas number one spot once again.
Sony BMG-signed guitarist Tom Morello said the campaign had "tapped into the silent majority of the people in the UK who are tired of being spoon-fed one schmaltzy ballad after another" and who can now buy a vastly superior download of insubstantial computerised bits and bytes from the same company. "They're taking a stand against mindless music by buying it like they were told to."
He said their victory looked back to such great Sony BMG artists as the Clash, as opposed to those EMI sellouts the Sex Pistols. "It's like when Bill Clinton got to the White House and they played Fleetwood Mac. It said 'We've made it.' Man. The young people of today must be so excited!"
Meanwhile, free downloads continued to increase in line with Moore's Law and the growth of live music as opposed to canned. Sony BMG's victory remained news for almost three hours before this week's inexplicable second-string celebrity heart attack took over Twitter and everyone proclaimed how they'd always loved whoever it was. Simon Cowell has tipped Finland's Lordi as hot prospects for next year's X-Factor. Next year's Facebook campaign will be to get this year's Joe McElderry single to number one.
Yep. So they can release their GPL derivatives. There's no way it's onerous to do so.
(By the way: under US law, copyrighted content counts as an exchange of value. The record companies wrote that in to make copy exchange count as financial value, but it applies to code as well. And in reality as well as law, I'd assert - they use GPLed software because it is of value, therefore they get value, therefore they are due to pay the price for doing so, which is to release one's modifications.)
If this were a concern, they'd already be using embedded BSD everywhere. Which BSD is very good for, but Linux is ridiculously more popular. Why is that, d'you think?
I've considered them. Everyone I know I've asked has advised me to get Etymotic earplug-phones - frequency-neutral Etymotic earplugs, as favoured by professionals, with speakers in them - rather than active noise cancellers. Any brand advice on active noise cancellers?
The real problem is that the EU is planning rules against headphones, but ignoring the far greater daily damage caused just by going to work. A time at which a lot of people are using headphones.
And I do indeed use the headphones for just that. However, the Underground is not going to admit what they've been doing to people's hearing without a strong push.
+1 to SkullCandy headphones. Damn fine sound isolation, and (unlike the Creative 'phones I had before) the cups don't come off and get lost at the drop of a 'phone.
The only minus point is that there is no identification whatsoever of left and right. WHY DO MANUFACTURERS DO THIS.
It's a pity the EU doesn't apply noise limits to public transport. The Victoria Line of the London Underground regularly hits 100dB. Travel on it to work every day for five years and your hearing will be permanently fucked up by it. Like mine.
The online encyclopedia, knowledge base, social networking site, essay repository, blog, search engine, news aggregator, dessert wax and floor topping Wikipedia has reached its three millionth article and ceased all editing as everyone gives up this "free" foolishness and goes home, to read newspapers and watch network television for the rest of their lives.
Dr Felipe Ortega reported that only 1% of edits by random users were kept. "They were all unspeakable shit," said burnt-out administrator WikiFiddler451. "All of them. No, I'm not exaggerating. Go to Special:Newpages and read a day's entries some time. You'll start by deleting the whole database, before you get onto plotting the doom of humanity. Christ, why go on?"
Recent media coverage has highlighted the "inclusionist/deletionist" wars of 2005, including enquiries from Endemol looking for a "passionate deletionist" to join Big Brother 11, "preferably one with big tits." It is thought that Wikipedia could have had ten million articles by now had they not viciously abused their editorial powers by deleting your valuable contributions about you, your teacher at school, your garage band or your dog or the many cameraphone pictures you uploaded of your penis.
"Everything's already been written," said WikiFiddler451, burning the last of his Star Wars figurines before leaving for his rehabilitation course in social interaction skills and basics of hygiene. "Do you have any idea how big THREE MILLION articles is? A BILLION GODDAMN WORDS! Are you going to read more than a droplet of that in your life? No you aren't. You're following your goddamn Twitter.
"But hey, only two million articles are The Simpsons in popular culture or Doctor Who in popular culture. No-one actually reads this stuff, they just write it. We have LiveJournal for stuff people write that no-one wants to read. 'Oh, I wandered lonely as a cheeseburger/ My passionate angst filling my Coke with darkness.' Or Knol. KNOL! I'll just Bing that one."
Shell-shocked veterans of Wikipedia are at a loss now that it's all over — wandering the alleyways of the Internet, mumbling to themselves about "ANI" and "we had to delete the village in order to save it," threatening the policemen moving them on with "arbitration" and bursting into tears when the policeman answers "citation needed." Mere children, sent into the culture wars to save knowledge from horrors they barely understood, and coming home as crippled wrecks. No victory parades for these brave men and women. There is only so much Citizendium, Uncyclopedia and 4chan can do for these child heroes. With your help, we can build Potemkin wikis for these honorable veterans, where they can safely ban and unban, revert and edit-war, and correct the naming of Danzig^WGdansk^WDanzig^WGdansk without the possibility of damage to actual human readers. Please donate so that they may never bug you again.
The online encyclopedia, knowledge base, social networking site, essay repository, blog, search engine, news aggregator, dessert wax and floor topping Wikipedia has reached its three millionth article and ceased all editing.
Palo Alto Research Center reported that only 1% of edits by random users were kept. "They were all unspeakable shit," said burnt-out administrator WikiFiddler451. "All of them. No, I'm not exaggerating. Go to Special:Newpages and read a day's entries some time. You'll start by deleting the whole database, before you get onto plotting the doom of humanity. Christ, why go on?"
Recent media coverage has highlighted the "inclusionist/deletionist" wars of 2005, including enquiries from Endemol looking for a "passionate deletionist" to join Big Brother 11, "preferably one with big tits." It is thought that Wikipedia could have had ten million articles by now had they not viciously abused their editorial powers by deleting your valuable contributions about you, your teacher at school, your garage band or your dog or the many cameraphone pictures you uploaded of your penis.
"Everything's already been written," said WikiFiddler451, burning the last of his Star Wars figurines before leaving for his rehabilitation course in social interaction skills and basics of hygiene. "Do you have any idea how big THREE MILLION articles is? A BILLION GODDAMN WORDS! Are you going to read more than a droplet of that in your life? No you aren't. You're following your goddamn Twitter.
"But hey, only two million articles are The Simpsons in popular culture or Doctor Who in popular culture. No-one actually reads this stuff, they just write it. We have LiveJournal for stuff people write that no-one wants to read. 'Oh, I wandered lonely as a cheeseburger/ My passionate angst filling my Coke with darkness.' Or Knol. KNOL! I'll just Bing that one."
Shell-shocked veterans of Wikipedia are at a loss now that it's all over — wandering the alleyways of the Internet, mumbling to themselves about "ANI" and "we had to delete the village in order to save it," threatening the policemen moving them on with "arbitration" and bursting into tears when the policeman answers "citation needed." Mere children, sent into the culture wars to save knowledge from horrors they barely understood, and coming home as crippled wrecks. No victory parades for these brave men and women. There is only so much Citizendium, Uncyclopedia and 4chan can do for these child heroes. With your help, we can build Potemkin wikis for these honorable veterans, where they can safely ban and unban, revert and edit-war, and correct the naming of Danzig Gdansk Danzig Gdansk without the possibility of damage to actual human readers. Please donate so that they may never bug you again.
Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer played down the news of Googles new Chrome OS, designed to outdo Microsoft in quickly and efficiently boiling babies on netbooks.
Yo Sergey, shouted Ballmer, Imma really happy for you, Ill let you finish, but Windows 7 is one of the best baby roasters of all time. He slowly and lumberingly rolled a seven-foot-tall baby boiler with a Windows logo on the side onto the stage. One of the best baby roasters of all time!
Early paid press coverage for Windows 7 lauded its theoretical likelihood of boiling babies in the near future, as compared to the effects of Vista, which left many of the babies with frostbite. But we are fully confident that with Windows 7, we can get the baby up to 90, 100 degrees every time! The fine print on the benchmark results revealed these figures were Fahrenheit, not Celsius.
Microsofts derision of Chrome OS as unimportant follows Microsofts derision of the iPhone, the iPod, Google Search, the Chrome browser, Mozilla Firefox and Linux and any other competitor thats ended up kicking their lazy fat asses. With Windows 7, Microsofts baby boiling operations will leave that Jobs asshole in the dust. In the dust!
Steve Jobs snorted in derision at his rivals pathetic attempts to do something useful, before revealing Apples new iBoil, which fits in your pocket and will lightly sautee the baby with a bechamel sauce and garnish.
Microsoft is discussing paying News Corporation for the media company to remove its websites from Google and have them exclusively searchable via Microsoft Bob Hope, setting the scene for a search engine battle that could offer a ray of light to the newspaper industry, which has yet to construct an online business model that adequately replaces vast local monopoly ad revenues.
Rupert Murdoch, News Corp chairman, has said that he would use legal methods to prevent Google "stealing stories" published in his papers, including allowing Microsoft to pay him to add Google to a robots.txt file. "I'm always happy to do a deal with a careful, considered bloke like Steve Ballmer. His restraint is well-known, and he certainly wouldn't blow a massive cash surplus — I'm sorry, that's now a massive debt surplus — in a series of Hail Mary passes to try to fight Google on its heavily-defended high ground. His decision to give me buckets of cash is entirely reasonable and should be encouraged."
Microsoft has also approached other big online publishers to persuade them to remove their sites from Google. "Wow," said the Wikimedia Foundation, "we could get a million dollars for our charitable and educational site not to be findable in Google! Tell you what, we'll get back to you sometime maybe never. Have you considered an exclusive deal with Conservapedia? They'd fit right in with Fox News. Sorry, did I say that with my outside voice?"
Microsoft is aiming for a direct assault on Google to put pressure on the search engine to start paying for content. "Google's abuse of their position is legendary," said Mr Ballmer. "Ninety-five percent of desktop computers are running Windows, most people are browsing with Internet Explorer and only ten percent of those use our Bob Hope search engine. The only possible explanation is Google abusing its monopoly to make people type 'google.com' into their address bar and not just leave it at the default Microsoft search. The fiends!"
Google did not comment for this story, being too busy snickering and selling installations of Gmail and Google Applications to businesses sick of Office and Windows upgrades.
Slashdot Mirror
Very little. The main reason for Cygwin on Wine is to test the quality of both. The main reason for Wine on Cygwin is to make Wine more cross-platform (as opposed to Linux, Linux and Linux), and BECAUSE WE CAN DO THIS WRONG AND BAD THING!
There's the excuse that we could use it to support stuff on newer versions of Windows that they don't support natively, or to support XP apps better than Win7 does or whatever. But really, it's because it's BAD AND WRONG and therefore fun. What's not to like?
That said, I haven't played with it in *ages* because my work machine is now Ubuntu and I don't have a handy XP or Win7 box around. But! There's endless evil to wreak for someone with too much time on their hands! You'll also make Wine more robustly cross-platformable, which is good.
+1 Mod parent up. A+++ WOULD BUY AGAIN
(By the way, I gave up ads on my news site when I realised that I was taking 1/120 of the money I made working for a living in order to shove FLOATING FUCKING BANNERS in my friends' faces. WTF.)
They don't have local monopolies so much any more, so the print ad rates and sales are through the floor. They're blaming Google rather than the existence of the Internet itself.
Pretty much. They'd much rather people buy print ads, because print ads pay about ten times as much as online ads. The trouble is, they haven't made the next logical realisation, that that's why people aren't buying print ads much any more.
The problem is this:
1. Print advertising makes ten times as much per buyer than online advertising.
2. No-one much is buying print advertising any more.
The papers are no good at selling print ads any more, so they blame the supplier of online ads. i.e., anyone other than themselves.
Cygwin does run in Wine, but Wine doesn't actually run under Cygwin as yet, or even compile. Helpers wanted!
Apple is reportedly close to launching its long-rumored ____. It could be Apple's latest billion-dollar jackpot.
Analyst speculation says the ___ will be launched in September and be in the shops by Christmas. A new mention of the ___ crops up on Twitter around every eight minutes.
The ___ is rumoured to be any size and scale between the iPod Shuffle and the Macintosh IIfx. Some have described the ___ as a "___-killer." Analyst speculation suggests the ___ will use a fantastic new interface. "It will be a whole new paradigm," said Apple blogger Leander Kahney.
Expectations flared when technology research analysts noted that Taiwanese suppliers had received orders from an unknown buyer for a particular obscure component to be filled by the end of the year. "The only possible conclusion is that Apple will launch a ___ by early next year," said Kahney. "They've been working on the ___ for the past six years. People expect it to be the ultimate Apple surprise. This thing will knock people's socks off."
Apple has refused to comment on the ___ speculation. But Tim Cook, its chief operating officer, recently hinted that the company was working on something "very innovative." Steve Jobs is thought to have been personally involved in the development of the ___ over the past two years.
Daniel Eran Dilger noted on roughlydrafted.com that the ___ would need to be fueled on pain, angst, the destruction of the ecology, the torture of kittens and the tears of widows and orphans, but put together a devastatingly convincing and very lengthy explanation as to why Apple's actions were the only humanly acceptable option for the consumer, the technology industry and the future of humanity, and that Jobs' Nobel Peace Prize was ridiculously overdue. And that all problems were clearly Microsoft's fault.
I've just got my drives as FAT32 and speed is limited by the USB and the network. Should consider a better FS, i.e. one with any robustness at all and, ooh, allowing symlinks to exist would be nice.
+1 to this answer.
This is what SAMBA is for. My home network has a mix of Ubuntu, Mac OS and Windows. It just serves to all of them without problems.
I'm using a small silent PC as the server. Plug the USB drive into it, plug the USB turntable into it (and the cassette deck into the turntable) for ripping LPs and tapes, it's lovely.
SMB over wifi serves fast enough to play MPEG4 video on the laptop and keep the toddler amused.
Following one of the biggest battles in the history of the UK Singles Chart, Sony BMG have beaten Sony BMG to achieve the UK's official Christmas number one.
Artists signed to the label have taken the festive top spot for four years in a row. A Facebook campaign backing the record company aimed to stop another song on the label reaching the Christmas number one spot once again.
Sony BMG-signed guitarist Tom Morello said the campaign had "tapped into the silent majority of the people in the UK who are tired of being spoon-fed one schmaltzy ballad after another" and who can now buy a vastly superior download of insubstantial computerised bits and bytes from the same company. "They're taking a stand against mindless music by buying it like they were told to."
He said their victory looked back to such great Sony BMG artists as the Clash, as opposed to those EMI sellouts the Sex Pistols. "It's like when Bill Clinton got to the White House and they played Fleetwood Mac. It said 'We've made it.' Man. The young people of today must be so excited!"
Meanwhile, free downloads continued to increase in line with Moore's Law and the growth of live music as opposed to canned. Sony BMG's victory remained news for almost three hours before this week's inexplicable second-string celebrity heart attack took over Twitter and everyone proclaimed how they'd always loved whoever it was. Simon Cowell has tipped Finland's Lordi as hot prospects for next year's X-Factor. Next year's Facebook campaign will be to get this year's Joe McElderry single to number one.
Yep. So they can release their GPL derivatives. There's no way it's onerous to do so.
(By the way: under US law, copyrighted content counts as an exchange of value. The record companies wrote that in to make copy exchange count as financial value, but it applies to code as well. And in reality as well as law, I'd assert - they use GPLed software because it is of value, therefore they get value, therefore they are due to pay the price for doing so, which is to release one's modifications.)
If this were a concern, they'd already be using embedded BSD everywhere. Which BSD is very good for, but Linux is ridiculously more popular. Why is that, d'you think?
Excellent! Here's hoping they actually do metric fuck-all about it before I'm forced to being rude to fellow passengers in sign language ...
WHAT? YES. THAT'S BRILLIANT! A QUARTER PAST THREE.
[filter fodder filter fodder filter fodder filter fodder filter fodder filter fodder]
I've considered them. Everyone I know I've asked has advised me to get Etymotic earplug-phones - frequency-neutral Etymotic earplugs, as favoured by professionals, with speakers in them - rather than active noise cancellers. Any brand advice on active noise cancellers?
The real problem is that the EU is planning rules against headphones, but ignoring the far greater daily damage caused just by going to work. A time at which a lot of people are using headphones.
And I do indeed use the headphones for just that. However, the Underground is not going to admit what they've been doing to people's hearing without a strong push.
+1 to SkullCandy headphones. Damn fine sound isolation, and (unlike the Creative 'phones I had before) the cups don't come off and get lost at the drop of a 'phone.
The only minus point is that there is no identification whatsoever of left and right. WHY DO MANUFACTURERS DO THIS.
It's a pity the EU doesn't apply noise limits to public transport. The Victoria Line of the London Underground regularly hits 100dB. Travel on it to work every day for five years and your hearing will be permanently fucked up by it. Like mine.
Is there a reason to run Chrome over Chromium?
That would be Chromium, which I'm posting this from.
As you know, most PHP code appears to be written this way. (As, looking at the code, is much of PHP itself.)
The online encyclopedia, knowledge base, social networking site, essay repository, blog, search engine, news aggregator, dessert wax and floor topping Wikipedia has reached its three millionth article and ceased all editing as everyone gives up this "free" foolishness and goes home, to read newspapers and watch network television for the rest of their lives.
Dr Felipe Ortega reported that only 1% of edits by random users were kept. "They were all unspeakable shit," said burnt-out administrator WikiFiddler451. "All of them. No, I'm not exaggerating. Go to Special:Newpages and read a day's entries some time. You'll start by deleting the whole database, before you get onto plotting the doom of humanity. Christ, why go on?"
Recent media coverage has highlighted the "inclusionist/deletionist" wars of 2005, including enquiries from Endemol looking for a "passionate deletionist" to join Big Brother 11, "preferably one with big tits." It is thought that Wikipedia could have had ten million articles by now had they not viciously abused their editorial powers by deleting your valuable contributions about you, your teacher at school, your garage band or your dog or the many cameraphone pictures you uploaded of your penis.
"Everything's already been written," said WikiFiddler451, burning the last of his Star Wars figurines before leaving for his rehabilitation course in social interaction skills and basics of hygiene. "Do you have any idea how big THREE MILLION articles is? A BILLION GODDAMN WORDS! Are you going to read more than a droplet of that in your life? No you aren't. You're following your goddamn Twitter.
"But hey, only two million articles are The Simpsons in popular culture or Doctor Who in popular culture. No-one actually reads this stuff, they just write it. We have LiveJournal for stuff people write that no-one wants to read. 'Oh, I wandered lonely as a cheeseburger/ My passionate angst filling my Coke with darkness.' Or Knol. KNOL! I'll just Bing that one."
Shell-shocked veterans of Wikipedia are at a loss now that it's all over — wandering the alleyways of the Internet, mumbling to themselves about "ANI" and "we had to delete the village in order to save it," threatening the policemen moving them on with "arbitration" and bursting into tears when the policeman answers "citation needed." Mere children, sent into the culture wars to save knowledge from horrors they barely understood, and coming home as crippled wrecks. No victory parades for these brave men and women. There is only so much Citizendium, Uncyclopedia and 4chan can do for these child heroes. With your help, we can build Potemkin wikis for these honorable veterans, where they can safely ban and unban, revert and edit-war, and correct the naming of Danzig^WGdansk^WDanzig^WGdansk without the possibility of damage to actual human readers. Please donate so that they may never bug you again.
The online encyclopedia, knowledge base, social networking site, essay repository, blog, search engine, news aggregator, dessert wax and floor topping Wikipedia has reached its three millionth article and ceased all editing.
Palo Alto Research Center reported that only 1% of edits by random users were kept. "They were all unspeakable shit," said burnt-out administrator WikiFiddler451. "All of them. No, I'm not exaggerating. Go to Special:Newpages and read a day's entries some time. You'll start by deleting the whole database, before you get onto plotting the doom of humanity. Christ, why go on?"
Recent media coverage has highlighted the "inclusionist/deletionist" wars of 2005, including enquiries from Endemol looking for a "passionate deletionist" to join Big Brother 11, "preferably one with big tits." It is thought that Wikipedia could have had ten million articles by now had they not viciously abused their editorial powers by deleting your valuable contributions about you, your teacher at school, your garage band or your dog or the many cameraphone pictures you uploaded of your penis.
"Everything's already been written," said WikiFiddler451, burning the last of his Star Wars figurines before leaving for his rehabilitation course in social interaction skills and basics of hygiene. "Do you have any idea how big THREE MILLION articles is? A BILLION GODDAMN WORDS! Are you going to read more than a droplet of that in your life? No you aren't. You're following your goddamn Twitter.
"But hey, only two million articles are The Simpsons in popular culture or Doctor Who in popular culture. No-one actually reads this stuff, they just write it. We have LiveJournal for stuff people write that no-one wants to read. 'Oh, I wandered lonely as a cheeseburger/ My passionate angst filling my Coke with darkness.' Or Knol. KNOL! I'll just Bing that one."
Shell-shocked veterans of Wikipedia are at a loss now that it's all over — wandering the alleyways of the Internet, mumbling to themselves about "ANI" and "we had to delete the village in order to save it," threatening the policemen moving them on with "arbitration" and bursting into tears when the policeman answers "citation needed." Mere children, sent into the culture wars to save knowledge from horrors they barely understood, and coming home as crippled wrecks. No victory parades for these brave men and women. There is only so much Citizendium, Uncyclopedia and 4chan can do for these child heroes. With your help, we can build Potemkin wikis for these honorable veterans, where they can safely ban and unban, revert and edit-war, and correct the naming of Danzig Gdansk Danzig Gdansk without the possibility of damage to actual human readers. Please donate so that they may never bug you again.
Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer played down the news of Googles new Chrome OS, designed to outdo Microsoft in quickly and efficiently boiling babies on netbooks.
Yo Sergey, shouted Ballmer, Imma really happy for you, Ill let you finish, but Windows 7 is one of the best baby roasters of all time. He slowly and lumberingly rolled a seven-foot-tall baby boiler with a Windows logo on the side onto the stage. One of the best baby roasters of all time!
Early paid press coverage for Windows 7 lauded its theoretical likelihood of boiling babies in the near future, as compared to the effects of Vista, which left many of the babies with frostbite. But we are fully confident that with Windows 7, we can get the baby up to 90, 100 degrees every time! The fine print on the benchmark results revealed these figures were Fahrenheit, not Celsius.
Microsofts derision of Chrome OS as unimportant follows Microsofts derision of the iPhone, the iPod, Google Search, the Chrome browser, Mozilla Firefox and Linux and any other competitor thats ended up kicking their lazy fat asses. With Windows 7, Microsofts baby boiling operations will leave that Jobs asshole in the dust. In the dust!
Steve Jobs snorted in derision at his rivals pathetic attempts to do something useful, before revealing Apples new iBoil, which fits in your pocket and will lightly sautee the baby with a bechamel sauce and garnish.
Microsoft is discussing paying News Corporation for the media company to remove its websites from Google and have them exclusively searchable via Microsoft Bob Hope, setting the scene for a search engine battle that could offer a ray of light to the newspaper industry, which has yet to construct an online business model that adequately replaces vast local monopoly ad revenues.
Rupert Murdoch, News Corp chairman, has said that he would use legal methods to prevent Google "stealing stories" published in his papers, including allowing Microsoft to pay him to add Google to a robots.txt file. "I'm always happy to do a deal with a careful, considered bloke like Steve Ballmer. His restraint is well-known, and he certainly wouldn't blow a massive cash surplus — I'm sorry, that's now a massive debt surplus — in a series of Hail Mary passes to try to fight Google on its heavily-defended high ground. His decision to give me buckets of cash is entirely reasonable and should be encouraged."
Microsoft has also approached other big online publishers to persuade them to remove their sites from Google. "Wow," said the Wikimedia Foundation, "we could get a million dollars for our charitable and educational site not to be findable in Google! Tell you what, we'll get back to you sometime maybe never. Have you considered an exclusive deal with Conservapedia? They'd fit right in with Fox News. Sorry, did I say that with my outside voice?"
Microsoft is aiming for a direct assault on Google to put pressure on the search engine to start paying for content. "Google's abuse of their position is legendary," said Mr Ballmer. "Ninety-five percent of desktop computers are running Windows, most people are browsing with Internet Explorer and only ten percent of those use our Bob Hope search engine. The only possible explanation is Google abusing its monopoly to make people type 'google.com' into their address bar and not just leave it at the default Microsoft search. The fiends!"
Google did not comment for this story, being too busy snickering and selling installations of Gmail and Google Applications to businesses sick of Office and Windows upgrades.