One more in the didn't-get-anywhere-here's-my-entry-anyway camp...
"Spam"
See your inbox fill with spam
Endless spam
Counterfeited headers, and the path a hollow sham
See it flowing, flowing, flowing
From the corners of the net
And the frantic to-and-froing
Of abuse reports, though knowing
That they seldom pose a threat
Hear the ping! ping! ping!
Of your notifier sing
That another hundred emails have just broken through the dam
Full of spam, spam, spam, spam,
Spam, spam, spam
Full of maddening, infuriating spam
See the garbled string of spam
Foreign spam
In from every nation from the Congo to Siam
Promise unfamiliar joys
In a stream of random noise
That is spilt in wild array
Across your screen
At least one or two a day
And you haven't any idea what they say
Or they mean
Ah, the world is small indeed
What a joy to open up your inbox and to read
Fw:]s®QDVDKOeAI
Fw:¥ôÈDVDKOeAI [note the clever triple rhyme - ed.]
Dripping wonder by the gram
In extended ASCII jam
In the jumble and the tumble
Of the spam, spam, spam
Of the spam, spam, spam, spam
Spam, spam, spam
In the [sigma] and enigma of the spam [couldn't find a sigma character]
See the newest form of spam
Granny spam
From the friends who haven't figured out you couldn't give a damn
All the forwards that you cursed
On the day you got them first
Shall be emailed, thick and fast
Till October -- at last --
Comes around
All the tired urban legends in a hundred different guises
All the 1980s asciiart of various shapes and sizes
Still it rises, rises, rises
In a tide that soon comprises
All the lame, devoid of wit, in-
comprehensibly written
Inane garbage that can be found
Ah, the spam, spam, spam
Who'd have thought that man could cram
Without fail
Ten attachments - none worth noting -
And eleven-level quoting
In the body of an unsuspecting mail
And the viruses that came
From the friend who
Said he'd send you
An "amusing little game"
And the HTMLgram
With its glaring
Markup blaring
Out "I , therefore I am"
And the plain mail, and the chainmail -- and they're all a form of spam
Yes, they're spam
Truly spam, spam, spam, spam
Spam, spam, spam
Firmly, definition-broadeningly, spam
See the avalanche of spam
Usenet spam
Flooding through a thousand newsgroups like the water o'er a dam
All the stupid little jerks
Who insist "This really works!!!!!"
With their schemes arranged in pyramids and tiers
Who claim "Make Money Fast"
Has been legal for the lastSeveral years
Or the singularly loathed
Twerps who promise an unclothed
Britney Spears
And the sifting, sifting, sifting
Through the postings on the net
Of the harvesters who, lifting
The addresses that they get
From a hundred different places
Have a stream of databases
In a queue
And the cycle starts anew
As they spew, spew, spew, spew
Another spate of spam
For the latest hidden cam
Or some complicated scam
Like a virtual traffic jam
Still they post, post, post
While each overburdened host
Groans beneath the load of spam
Endless spam
Still they post, post, post
Till your QoS is toast
And the streaming of the spam
Of the spam, spam, spam
Has you dreaming of the spam
That they post, post, post
And you damn, damn, damn
The amounts they must have grossed
From their spam, spam, spam
From their neverending spam
From their spam, spam, spam, spam
Spam, spam, spam
From the bottomless infinitude of spam
-- Martin DeMello, Copyright 2001
(With apologies to Edgar Allan Poe )
> What exactly does GNOME have to do with argonomics?
I don't know? What is argonomics?
When I sat at the terminal and booted up the drive
I thought that everything would look like Windows 95
I had a bunch of tasks that I was given to complete
But I must confess this 'linux' thing has really got me beat
And I just can't use this, not a bit
Just can't use this, for it's really a piece of junk
The jargon is confusing, and the UI is a pain
And I don't want to deal with it again
The login screen looked simple - wait, just what does 'login' mean?
I'm typing in my name, but nothing shows up on the screen!
They said I'd lost my focus - well, I think it rather rude
To blame it on the user when the interface is screwed
And I...
The icons were quite pretty, they were outlined in 3d
But I hadn't any idea what the glyphs were meant to be
I clicked a few at random - now I wonder who would put
A menu and a terminal on buttons with a foot
And I...
They said we had to find a file - "now that I think I know
I'll open up the menu and select - hey, where'd it go?!"
I knew just what I wanted, but they'd placed me in a bind
For 'find' would find the file, but what would help me find the 'find'?
And I...
This 'Nautilus' looks nifty, it's not just another shell
It's listed out my files, and lets me browse the web as well
I even found the 'find', but when I tried to go ahead
The only thing it showed me was a pencil barred in red
And I...
I opened up a webpage and a file, and I was lost
The browser and the OS must have got their signals crossed
The navigation buttons on the file - what do they mean?
And why can't I edit something that is open on my screen?
And I...
To customize the desktop was an oddly painful chore
I had to add a timepiece to the panel, nothing more
I tried to find the clock, but I was surely not to blame
For ending up in a twisty maze of menus, all the same
And I...
The control panel proved to be a nightmare, through and through
I stared at all the options, but I didn't have a clue
The font took half an hour to change; I asked if it looked nice
They shook their heads and told me that I had to do it thrice
And I...
I worked my way through every task I saw upon the list
When I got up to go it turned out there was one I'd missed
I knew this thing was hard, but even so I never dreamed
That 'leave the machine' could be so much harder than it seemed
And I just can't use this, not a bit
Just can't use this, for it's really a piece of junk
The jargon is confusing, and the UI is a pain
And I don't want to deal with it again
(Wonder why.)
Slashdot Mirror
One more in the didn't-get-anywhere-here's-my-entry-anyway camp...
"Spam"
See your inbox fill with spam
Endless spam
Counterfeited headers, and the path a hollow sham
See it flowing, flowing, flowing
From the corners of the net
And the frantic to-and-froing
Of abuse reports, though knowing
That they seldom pose a threat
Hear the ping! ping! ping!
Of your notifier sing
That another hundred emails have just broken through the dam
Full of spam, spam, spam, spam,
Spam, spam, spam
Full of maddening, infuriating spam
See the garbled string of spam
Foreign spam
In from every nation from the Congo to Siam
Promise unfamiliar joys
In a stream of random noise
That is spilt in wild array
Across your screen
At least one or two a day
And you haven't any idea what they say
Or they mean
Ah, the world is small indeed
What a joy to open up your inbox and to read
Fw:]s®QDVDKOeAI
Fw:¥ôÈDVDKOeAI [note the clever triple rhyme - ed.]
Dripping wonder by the gram
In extended ASCII jam
In the jumble and the tumble
Of the spam, spam, spam
Of the spam, spam, spam, spam
Spam, spam, spam
In the [sigma] and enigma of the spam [couldn't find a sigma character]
See the newest form of spam
Granny spam
From the friends who haven't figured out you couldn't give a damn
All the forwards that you cursed
On the day you got them first
Shall be emailed, thick and fast
Till October -- at last --
Comes around
All the tired urban legends in a hundred different guises
All the 1980s asciiart of various shapes and sizes
Still it rises, rises, rises
In a tide that soon comprises
All the lame, devoid of wit, in-
comprehensibly written
Inane garbage that can be found
Ah, the spam, spam, spam
Who'd have thought that man could cram
Without fail
Ten attachments - none worth noting -
And eleven-level quoting
In the body of an unsuspecting mail
And the viruses that came
From the friend who
Said he'd send you
An "amusing little game"
And the HTMLgram
With its glaring
Markup blaring
Out "I , therefore I am"
And the plain mail, and the chainmail -- and they're all a form of spam
Yes, they're spam
Truly spam, spam, spam, spam
Spam, spam, spam
Firmly, definition-broadeningly, spam
See the avalanche of spam
Usenet spam
Flooding through a thousand newsgroups like the water o'er a dam
All the stupid little jerks
Who insist "This really works!!!!!"
With their schemes arranged in pyramids and tiers
Who claim "Make Money Fast"
Has been legal for the lastSeveral years
Or the singularly loathed
Twerps who promise an unclothed
Britney Spears
And the sifting, sifting, sifting
Through the postings on the net
Of the harvesters who, lifting
The addresses that they get
From a hundred different places
Have a stream of databases
In a queue
And the cycle starts anew
As they spew, spew, spew, spew
Another spate of spam
For the latest hidden cam
Or some complicated scam
Like a virtual traffic jam
Still they post, post, post
While each overburdened host
Groans beneath the load of spam
Endless spam
Still they post, post, post
Till your QoS is toast
And the streaming of the spam
Of the spam, spam, spam
Has you dreaming of the spam
That they post, post, post
And you damn, damn, damn
The amounts they must have grossed
From their spam, spam, spam
From their neverending spam
From their spam, spam, spam, spam
Spam, spam, spam
From the bottomless infinitude of spam
-- Martin DeMello, Copyright 2001
(With apologies to Edgar Allan Poe )
I don't know? What is argonomics?
When I sat at the terminal and booted up the drive
I thought that everything would look like Windows 95
I had a bunch of tasks that I was given to complete
But I must confess this 'linux' thing has really got me beat
The login screen looked simple - wait, just what does 'login' mean?
I'm typing in my name, but nothing shows up on the screen!
They said I'd lost my focus - well, I think it rather rude
To blame it on the user when the interface is screwed
And I...
The icons were quite pretty, they were outlined in 3d
But I hadn't any idea what the glyphs were meant to be
I clicked a few at random - now I wonder who would put
A menu and a terminal on buttons with a foot
And I...
They said we had to find a file - "now that I think I know
I'll open up the menu and select - hey, where'd it go?!"
I knew just what I wanted, but they'd placed me in a bind
For 'find' would find the file, but what would help me find the 'find'?
And I...
This 'Nautilus' looks nifty, it's not just another shell
It's listed out my files, and lets me browse the web as well
I even found the 'find', but when I tried to go ahead
The only thing it showed me was a pencil barred in red
And I...
I opened up a webpage and a file, and I was lost
The browser and the OS must have got their signals crossed
The navigation buttons on the file - what do they mean?
And why can't I edit something that is open on my screen?
And I...
To customize the desktop was an oddly painful chore
I had to add a timepiece to the panel, nothing more
I tried to find the clock, but I was surely not to blame
For ending up in a twisty maze of menus, all the same
And I...
The control panel proved to be a nightmare, through and through
I stared at all the options, but I didn't have a clue
The font took half an hour to change; I asked if it looked nice
They shook their heads and told me that I had to do it thrice
And I...
I worked my way through every task I saw upon the list
When I got up to go it turned out there was one I'd missed
I knew this thing was hard, but even so I never dreamed
That 'leave the machine' could be so much harder than it seemed
Copyright (c) Martin DeMello, 2001
TTTO "Banned from Argo" (Leslie Fish)