In case you were looking for more news to reprint about the stupidness that is America, here are some other leads you might want to follow: 1) America is stupid 2) No, seriously. Just put that up as your headline and your readers will believe it. Though you might get letters berating you for not being mean enough. 3) And despite that win the other day, we still suck at soccer. 4) And we're all very, very gay. 5) And completely against education, sewer systems, organized government and hygiene. 6) And we find Jay Leno to be absolutely hilarious.
If only number six weren't true. -Brandon
I don't know why they picked up the Onion story. This one's more believable.
People! Good citizens of slashdot! It's time that we stopped allowing the wretched Music Industry to sue the good people of Napster. There's only one solution: Let's get rid of democracy and replace it with literature from a Burger King calorie chart. It's time to own up to the fact that it simply has not worked. Napster should be suing the Music Industry for having to trade such bad Britney Spears songs.
Sincerely, The Red Menace (aka Ralph Nader) LostBrain
Hey excited Netizens! Wanna learn a difficult programming language in just five minutes?! Wanna earn gobs of money from desperate start-ups who will throw any sort of bribe at you to work in their tiny, cramped, dungeon-like cubicle!? Well stop wishing and start learning with my new seminar!
I know what you're thinking: there's no way I can learn C++ in five (count 'em) five minutes. Well stop being such a doubting loser. Here's what you do:
Step One: On the qualifications section of your resume, write, "I know C++." Feel free to put other things, such as "I speak thirteen different languages," "I've slept with Pamela Lee Anderson", and of course, "I am omnipotent."
Step Two: Get Hired!
Step Three: When your manager approaches you to actually work on a C++ project, immediately run to your nearest Asian immigrant and pay him 50 cents an hour to do the project for you! Don't feel bad, your manager did the same thing to get in his position!
Step Four: Watch as the money, women and strange magic powers are bestowed upon you.
If only they made new Popeye cartoons in these modern times:
"I'll gladly give up my online privacy on Tuesday for a bitchin' credit card offer today." "Oh Popeye! Save me! I keep getting spammed by United States pyramid marketing schemes!" "Don't worry, Olive, I'll moves ya' to Europe where online privacy is more valued." "I'm strong to's do Finnish, because they eat's their private spinach, 'cause I'm Popeye the sailor man."
Slashdot Mirror
I can't imagine anyone would. We live in a country free of frivolous lawsuits, don't we?
In other news, I am a complete retard.
Brandon
LostBrain
Or anything else, for that matter, ignorance can be bliss.
Dear Chinese Reporter,
In case you were looking for more news to reprint about the stupidness that is America, here are some other leads you might want to follow:
1) America is stupid
2) No, seriously. Just put that up as your headline and your readers will believe it. Though you might get letters berating you for not being mean enough.
3) And despite that win the other day, we still suck at soccer.
4) And we're all very, very gay.
5) And completely against education, sewer systems, organized government and hygiene.
6) And we find Jay Leno to be absolutely hilarious.
If only number six weren't true.
-Brandon
I don't know why they picked up the Onion story. This one's more believable.
"The earth is undoubtedly flat." --Valenti talking to the Queen in the early `1400's
"Television is never going to be successful."--Valenti talking to himself in front of a bathroom mirror in 1919
"I haven't had an erection in 12 years."--Valenti talking to his wife in 2001.
-bgs006
Find Valenti and other societal rejects at inmates.com.
Sincerely,
The Red Menace (aka Ralph Nader)
LostBrain
Here's my wife, where's yours?
I know what you're thinking: there's no way I can learn C++ in five (count 'em) five minutes. Well stop being such a doubting loser. Here's what you do:
Step One: On the qualifications section of your resume, write, "I know C++." Feel free to put other things, such as "I speak thirteen different languages," "I've slept with Pamela Lee Anderson", and of course, "I am omnipotent."
Step Two: Get Hired!
Step Three: When your manager approaches you to actually work on a C++ project, immediately run to your nearest Asian immigrant and pay him 50 cents an hour to do the project for you! Don't feel bad, your manager did the same thing to get in his position!
Step Four: Watch as the money, women and strange magic powers are bestowed upon you.
It's just that simple!
-Bgs006
LostBrain
"I'll gladly give up my online privacy on Tuesday for a bitchin' credit card offer today."
"Oh Popeye! Save me! I keep getting spammed by United States pyramid marketing schemes!"
"Don't worry, Olive, I'll moves ya' to Europe where online privacy is more valued."
"I'm strong to's do Finnish, because they eat's their private spinach, 'cause I'm Popeye the sailor man."
They can't all be winners, folks.
-BGS006
LostBrain
Wait a second, this isn't Ain't-It-Cool-News
-Brandon LostBrain
Because Breaking Up Microsoft Is Funny
-Brandon
Here's my Microsoft parody, it's better than Travis's
LostBrain