There once was a man with a parrot That he received in a trade for a ferret The man said, "I'm so lonely I'm terribly homely.. So please won't you sit on my *carrot*?"
When you say trailervision, are you referring to the single-wide you live in?
(whisper) Don't take it personally... I'm just trying for -1 Flamebait.
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Re:I used to bookmark the "critical" decision poin
on
Movies Online?
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· Score: 1
I hate to admit it, but I was one of those people that skipped to the excellently gory endings. Of course, that was a direct result of the fact that no matter which choices I made, I always seemed to end up with the same two or three deaths.
I'm not going to get into this whole UK vs. US argument, except to say that I'd rather not be lumped as overweight simply because I'm a US citizen.
In fact, I recently read a compilation of statistics on the average British woman, and found many of those statistics to be the same as mine, including height. However, if this source is correct, then I, an American, weigh several pounds less than your average.
You can't say that we Americans are all loudmouthed (although I do answer to that charge) and overweight any more than we can generalize you all as the effeminate chattel of one of the few remaining European monarchies.
Our heroine is back at her desk, weeding the mediocre bookmarks from her browser.
Malda walks past wearing a long, black overcoat.
Catrin: (suspecting that Naomi included their latest lunch trip in her gossip) Naomi, why is Rob wearing that coat?
Naomi: (startled from her morning nail-filing ritual) Huh? Oh, I don't know.
Catrin: Did you mention that scene at the coat store to him?
Naomi: What, when you were drooling at the skinhead coat?
Catrin: I would rather you referred to it as salivating... and for the last time, it was not a skinhead coat!
Naomi: (snapping her gum) Whatever. Yeah, I think I said something.
Catrin:(slightly exasperated) He's not trying to impress me again, is he?
Naomi: Yeah, right... I think he heard me say that you like, thought overcoats are cool, and then he like, thought I would like them too, or something. He'll take whatever advice he can get about impressing women.
Catrin: True. There was that time he heard Whoopi Goldberg liked guys with shaved heads. He sunburned his scalp and had to put weird green lotion on it for two or three weeks afterwards.
Naomi almost chokes on her gum as she starts giggling.
Catrin: He definitely didn't think it was funny.
Malda appears, looking furious.
Malda:(in a low, angry voice) I thought I asked you not to mention that.
Catrin: Oh, come one, it's not that big of a deal.
Malda:(in a whisper) It is in front of Nat.. I mean Naomi! I've almost convinced her to dye her hair brown!
Malda appears to get an idea. A wicked smile crosses his face.
Malda: I've decided that you waste too much of your time online. From now on, no entertainment related sites may be accessed from the office. Especially the X Files. In fact, no more internet access at all... except for me.
Malda casually pulls the phone line out of the wall. Naomi shrugs and resumes snapping her gum. Catrin glares at Malda.
Later in the day, Catrin takes Naomi with her to pick up sandwiches for lunch. This time, Catrin stops in front of an extremely flamboyant male lingerie store.
Naomi: Like, what are we doing here?
Catrin: Oh, I was just thinking about how sexy men look in those lacy camisoles. Especially when (supressing a grimace) they're wearing a matching thong.
Naomi: Really?
Catrin: Oh sure, lots of women feel the same way.
Naomi: Oh.
The next day, there is a hint of lace peeking out from under Malda's shirt, and, Catrin notices with satisfaction, walking seems a little uncomfortable to him. What a perfect day for the big Linux convention.
We meet up with our heroine, Catrin Van der Waals, at the local caffeine kiosk, Javaland. Catrin: (to self) I thought they were going to read Beowulf tonight. Catrin wanders to counter to buy yet another triple espresso. A man pushes back from his chair and bumps Catrin, spilling the hot coffee.Catrin: Great. Like I didn't have enough coffee stains already. (The man turns around to assist Catrin. She doesn't realize it at first, but the man is Lars Ulrich.)Lars: I'm sorry... I'm, uh... just not myself today. (It's obvious that Lars has been crying.)Catrin: Don't worry about it. You look like you have enough problems already. Lars: It's just awful. My wife walked out on me last week, and she said horrible things about me... (Catrin tries to disengage herself from Lars, but he hangs on to her sleeve.) And worst of all, this whole thing with Napster and Gnutella is just totally getting me down. Can I have a hug? (Lars looks so pitiful that Catrin is moved to sympathy, despite the three Metallica mp3s on her computer.)Catrin: Umm, okay. (Lars hugs her.) You can let go now. Lars: Sorry. Catrin: So, what's the big problem with Napster? Lars: They're stealing our revenue. People won't buy our music if they can download it for free. Catrin: I don't know of that's exactly true... Lars: I don't want to talk about it. Catrin: I would think that the programs help you by widening your fan base. Lars:(starts crying again) I said I don't want to argue. Catrin: It's been my experience that your regular fans download the songs and buy the cds. Lars: Stop it! Your logic is depressing me. (Lars waves his arms emphatically, knocking Catrin's glasses off.) Wow... you have such gorgeous brown eyes. How could I not have seen them? Catrin:(sarcastically) It's amazing how much perfectly transparent glass will obscure. Lars: No really, I'm a musician, and that makes me artistic. I can see beauty better than the average man. Do you want to come back to my hotel room? Catrin: I don't think so. Just because I'm a nerd doesn't mean I'm desperate enough to sleep with a whiner like you. Lars: (tries to pull Catrin towards his stool at the counter) Are you sure? (leers at Catrin).Catrin: Definitely. (pours the remainder of her espresso on to Lars' lap)Lars:(whimpering) Hey... no fair... Catrin storms out of Javaland back to her apartment. She sits down at her computer and points her browser at TheXFiles.com.Catrin: Oh David. Why can't other men be like you?
In the grand tradition of osm, I will now proceed to do the opposite of karma whoring.
(This is version 0.1. Don't be too hard on me.)
Cast: Catrin Van der Waals, a young nerd and the heroine of our story Naomi Doltson, Catrin's imbecilic assistant Rob Malda, a geek who occupies a vague position of authority David Duchovny, tall, dark and handsome star of the X Files
Catrin is at her desk. She surreptitiously pulls a photograph from the top drawer.
Catrin: Oh David, what I wouldn't give to be Tea Leoni right now.
Enter Naomi
Naomi: Hi Catrin (giggle) Whatcha looking at?
Catrin: (hastily shoves the picture back in the drawer) Nothing... I wasn't looking at anything. And that's Ms. Van der Waals to you.
Naomi: Oh. For a second I thought you were drooling.
Catrin: (instinctively touches her lower lip) Remind me why I hired you again.
Naomi: You didn't hire me, Rob did.
Catrin: Of course. I forgot; your remind him of a blonde Natalie Portman.
Naomi: Yep, he said I was teen of age, and pouting of... (Catrin interrupts)
Catrin: I know, I know. I still say a blonde Natalie Portman is an oxymoron.
Naomi: (tilting head like a cute, but very stupid puppy) What's an oxymoron?
Catrin: (sighs in a frustrated manner) Go talk to Rob for a while. Please?
Naomi exits.
Catrin: I've got to get out of here. Maybe I'll go to that reading of Beowulf at Javaland tonight.
Slashdot Mirror
What legal basis do they have for this?
--
There once was a man with a parrot
That he received in a trade for a ferret
The man said, "I'm so lonely
I'm terribly homely..
So please won't you sit on my *carrot*?"
--
When you say trailervision, are you referring to the single-wide you live in?
(whisper) Don't take it personally... I'm just trying for -1 Flamebait.
--
I hate to admit it, but I was one of those people that skipped to the excellently gory endings. Of course, that was a direct result of the fact that no matter which choices I made, I always seemed to end up with the same two or three deaths.
--
Yes, but movie theaters generally don't kick you out halfway through the film.
--
I'm not going to get into this whole UK vs. US argument, except to say that I'd rather not be lumped as overweight simply because I'm a US citizen.
In fact, I recently read a compilation of statistics on the average British woman, and found many of those statistics to be the same as mine, including height. However, if this source is correct, then I, an American, weigh several pounds less than your average.
You can't say that we Americans are all loudmouthed (although I do answer to that charge) and overweight any more than we can generalize you all as the effeminate chattel of one of the few remaining European monarchies.
--
I will cross oceans of time to find you....
--
Grr! Stupid lameness filters.
--
Ha ha, first reply to fgdfp!
Drop my karma! Drop it like a rock! Drop it like Malda's lead ass to the bottom of the gene pool!
--
How 'bout "oh, poor, pathetic me?" Is that better?
:(
Yeah, I know I'm not funny... I'm just trying to get modded down. Pleeeaaase! Poor, pathetic me, I've only got a karma of -4
--
Great, I've been looking for some bad moderation.
Our heroine is back at her desk, weeding the mediocre bookmarks from her browser.
Malda walks past wearing a long, black overcoat.
Catrin: (suspecting that Naomi included their latest lunch trip in her gossip) Naomi, why is Rob wearing that coat?
Naomi: (startled from her morning nail-filing ritual) Huh? Oh, I don't know.
Catrin: Did you mention that scene at the coat store to him?
Naomi: What, when you were drooling at the skinhead coat?
Catrin: I would rather you referred to it as salivating... and for the last time, it was not a skinhead coat!
Naomi: (snapping her gum) Whatever. Yeah, I think I said something.
Catrin: (slightly exasperated) He's not trying to impress me again, is he?
Naomi: Yeah, right... I think he heard me say that you like, thought overcoats are cool, and then he like, thought I would like them too, or something. He'll take whatever advice he can get about impressing women.
Catrin: True. There was that time he heard Whoopi Goldberg liked guys with shaved heads. He sunburned his scalp and had to put weird green lotion on it for two or three weeks afterwards.
Naomi almost chokes on her gum as she starts giggling.
Catrin: He definitely didn't think it was funny.
Malda appears, looking furious.
Malda: (in a low, angry voice) I thought I asked you not to mention that.
Catrin: Oh, come one, it's not that big of a deal.
Malda: (in a whisper) It is in front of Nat.. I mean Naomi! I've almost convinced her to dye her hair brown!
Malda appears to get an idea. A wicked smile crosses his face.
Malda: I've decided that you waste too much of your time online. From now on, no entertainment related sites may be accessed from the office. Especially the X Files. In fact, no more internet access at all... except for me.
Malda casually pulls the phone line out of the wall. Naomi shrugs and resumes snapping her gum. Catrin glares at Malda.
Later in the day, Catrin takes Naomi with her to pick up sandwiches for lunch. This time, Catrin stops in front of an extremely flamboyant male lingerie store.
Naomi: Like, what are we doing here?
Catrin: Oh, I was just thinking about how sexy men look in those lacy camisoles. Especially when (supressing a grimace) they're wearing a matching thong.
Naomi: Really?
Catrin: Oh sure, lots of women feel the same way.
Naomi: Oh.
The next day, there is a hint of lace peeking out from under Malda's shirt, and, Catrin notices with satisfaction, walking seems a little uncomfortable to him. What a perfect day for the big Linux convention.
--
On this site, I'm surprised it's not a penis penguin. Or is it?
--
So, which one do you call the pecker?
--
Is she really 5'3? She looks taller.
--
Yes! I finally got modded down!
--
Well, at least you'll have a date for the class reunion...
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kiss my bitch ass
--
There will never be and end to osm!
/. relationship right now.
By the way, I was extremely flattered, but not looking for a
Natalie Portman will surely comfort you.
--
sorry, forgot the < br >
--
We meet up with our heroine, Catrin Van der Waals, at the local caffeine kiosk, Javaland. Catrin: (to self) I thought they were going to read Beowulf tonight. Catrin wanders to counter to buy yet another triple espresso. A man pushes back from his chair and bumps Catrin, spilling the hot coffee. Catrin: Great. Like I didn't have enough coffee stains already. (The man turns around to assist Catrin. She doesn't realize it at first, but the man is Lars Ulrich.) Lars: I'm sorry... I'm, uh... just not myself today. (It's obvious that Lars has been crying.) Catrin: Don't worry about it. You look like you have enough problems already. Lars: It's just awful. My wife walked out on me last week, and she said horrible things about me... (Catrin tries to disengage herself from Lars, but he hangs on to her sleeve.) And worst of all, this whole thing with Napster and Gnutella is just totally getting me down. Can I have a hug? (Lars looks so pitiful that Catrin is moved to sympathy, despite the three Metallica mp3s on her computer.) Catrin: Umm, okay. (Lars hugs her.) You can let go now. Lars: Sorry. Catrin: So, what's the big problem with Napster? Lars: They're stealing our revenue. People won't buy our music if they can download it for free. Catrin: I don't know of that's exactly true... Lars: I don't want to talk about it. Catrin: I would think that the programs help you by widening your fan base. Lars: (starts crying again) I said I don't want to argue. Catrin: It's been my experience that your regular fans download the songs and buy the cds. Lars: Stop it! Your logic is depressing me. (Lars waves his arms emphatically, knocking Catrin's glasses off.) Wow... you have such gorgeous brown eyes. How could I not have seen them? Catrin: (sarcastically) It's amazing how much perfectly transparent glass will obscure. Lars: No really, I'm a musician, and that makes me artistic. I can see beauty better than the average man. Do you want to come back to my hotel room? Catrin: I don't think so. Just because I'm a nerd doesn't mean I'm desperate enough to sleep with a whiner like you. Lars: (tries to pull Catrin towards his stool at the counter) Are you sure? (leers at Catrin). Catrin: Definitely. (pours the remainder of her espresso on to Lars' lap) Lars: (whimpering) Hey... no fair... Catrin storms out of Javaland back to her apartment. She sits down at her computer and points her browser at TheXFiles.com. Catrin: Oh David. Why can't other men be like you?
--
And disrupt the beautiful love story between you and Natalie?
--
(This is version 0.1. Don't be too hard on me.)
Cast:
Catrin Van der Waals, a young nerd and the heroine of our story
Naomi Doltson, Catrin's imbecilic assistant
Rob Malda, a geek who occupies a vague position of authority
David Duchovny, tall, dark and handsome star of the X Files
Catrin is at her desk. She surreptitiously pulls a photograph from the top drawer.
Catrin: Oh David, what I wouldn't give to be Tea Leoni right now.
Enter Naomi
Naomi: Hi Catrin (giggle) Whatcha looking at?
Catrin: (hastily shoves the picture back in the drawer) Nothing... I wasn't looking at anything. And that's Ms. Van der Waals to you.
Naomi: Oh. For a second I thought you were drooling.
Catrin: (instinctively touches her lower lip) Remind me why I hired you again.
Naomi: You didn't hire me, Rob did.
Catrin: Of course. I forgot; your remind him of a blonde Natalie Portman.
Naomi: Yep, he said I was teen of age, and pouting of... (Catrin interrupts)
Catrin: I know, I know. I still say a blonde Natalie Portman is an oxymoron.
Naomi: (tilting head like a cute, but very stupid puppy) What's an oxymoron?
Catrin: (sighs in a frustrated manner) Go talk to Rob for a while. Please?
Naomi exits.
Catrin: I've got to get out of here. Maybe I'll go to that reading of Beowulf at Javaland tonight.
to be continued...
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