This is clearly a weak troll. Slashdot are notoriously, even admirably, impassive about all the shit like this that they have to put up with. They've stoically ignored a lot of crap from ab/users; I can't imagine your beer ASCII posts would break them, unless their pet peeve is ASCII art that doesn't line up right. Further, I have a bit more respect for the Partnership for a Drug Free America (more than I have for you, anyway) than to believe that they would go after some pissant spammer on an internet message board which accepts anonymous posts. They would probably start harassing someone who was verifiably responsible for the offending content, like maybe Smokedot, before they would attack Slashdot for a flood of comments for which they were not responsible.
Hardcore free-speech zealot though I may be, I wouldn't mind one bit if Slashdot banned you. I wish they would, if there were a way to do it that wouldn't ban innocent users as well. Ordinarily I would be opposed to banning you because if we ban one person, where will it stop? But I'll make an exception in your case because of how badly you need a muzzle. You're the reason there needs to be a moderation system.
I've done some spamming before, myself. You know why my spam was better than yours? Because it was funny. People replied to it and told me so. I also limited it to one post per story.
Here's a short list of people I dislike less than you:
Vladinator
Signal 11
Rob Malda
The "'I am a goat fucker' -RMS" guy
Penis Bird Guy
All the Signal 11 and Vladinator clones
This "Slashdot is threatening me legally" crap is lame. It might be funny if osm hadn't done it already. But the important difference between him and you is that he never said he was being sued, he just planted evidence and got everyone else to invent a complete story themselves. Next time you feel the need to bite off someone else's style, try writing a play about Natalie Portman. It might be worth reading. I've never even been able to maintain the interest to read your MDMA posts all the way through, despite how short they are, and despite how much I love trolls (not that anything you've posted was ever as good as a real troll). 45 days of silence from you was hardly enough. I have little love for Slashdot, but even less for you. You make the karma whores look good.
I would suggest that you get off your ass and do something purposeful with your life, but it's obvious you lack the necessary creativity or intelligence. I'm amazed that you managed to craft a post with so few grammatical and typographical errors. That's probably what took you 45 days. Rejoice in the fact that you have probably made many people break down and raise their thresholds to 1. It's likely the most exciting accomplishment you'll ever achieve.
Please stop breathing so much. There are many others who could put all that oxygen to good use. Next time you take a breath, which should be in a couple of seconds, think about all the creative, funny, beautiful, and constructive things other people have done with all the other breaths they've taken. Think about following their example.
Congratulations. You've managed to suck enough that it makes me appreciate what a great place Slashdot was without you. It was easier to read the trolls. In short, the only remotely enjoyable or amusing thing about you is flaming you. I wish you would reply so I can do it some more. Unfortunately, you are most likely using a script, and may never read this. Well, to this script, I say, fuck you, script.
(I apologize for posting this offtopic comment, but as it concerns trolls, and I posted it in reply to a troll comment, I hope that moderators will at least credit me for trying. I do think that what I have to say here is of relevance to the Slashdot community at large, so I ask only that you please read the whole post before moderating me down.)
Do you hate trolls? Go ahead, you can admit it. Plenty of people do.
But what many people would be surprised to learn is that, when it comes right down to it, trolls don't want to be hated. Sure, they've been known to post lots of offtopic, inflammatory, or just plain stupid comments. But they're not doing it to get you to hate them. I mean, think about it. Does anyone really want to be hated? I'd venture to guess that no human being in all of time has ever harbored an honest desire to be hated. It's against our nature.
Some people say trolls do what they do to get attention, and in most cases, that's certainly true, even if only a small part of their motivation. But most trolls are just trying to be funny -- you know, in an endearing "class clown" sort of way. And some are trying to say something they feel needs to be said, perhaps even something truly insightful, though they lack to words to say it plainly.
Regardless, I submit that if trolls could do what they do, and still get people to like them, they'd jump at the opportunity in a millisecond. As someone with one foot in and one foot out of the "troll community", I think I'm in a good position to conduct an informal survey of what people's main gripes with trolls are.
Therefore, I'd appreciate it greatly if everyone who reads this would take a few minutes to respond to my Troll Poll. The poll options are several of the most common reasons people cite for hating trolls. I've done my best to make the list of options as inclusive as possible, though if you find that your reason isn't listed, please choose "other" and e-mail me with your thoughts. I hope that the results of this poll will be able to provide the troll community with some insight into how they might change their style, to make everyone happier.
Of course, trolls are welcome to respond to this poll as well. There are a couple of options that should suit them.
Thanks for your time. Moderators, if you still want to mod this down, fire away.
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You flame Slashdot for posting a story about a Good Cause, rather than something obscure and self-absorbed. The post's initial score is 1. Your comment is moderated "Overrated". Your comment is moderated "Underrated". The post's final score is 1.
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You post a comment questioning the sanity of anyone who doesn't open-source their code. The post's initial score is 1. Your comment is moderated "Informative". Your comment is moderated "Interesting". Your comment is moderated "Informative". Your comment is moderated "Interesting". The post's final score is 5.
You can: post [n]ormally, [t]roll, whore for [k]arma, [w]rite a story, [f]lame, make a [j]oke, [m]oderate, m[e]tamoderate, [s]ubmit a story idea, check your [u]ser info, [q]uit. ? t
You post a troll offering free advice on marketing Linux. The post's initial score is 1. Your comment is moderated "Informative". Your comment is moderated "Informative". Your comment is moderated "Funny". Your comment is moderated "Insightful". Your comment is moderated "Troll". The post's final score is 4.
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You submit a story idea about Microsoft's latest legal battle. Your submission is rejected.
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You post a troll which disguises a link to natalieportman.com as information about a database program. The post's initial score is 1. Your comment is moderated "Flamebait". Your comment is moderated "Redundant". Your comment is moderated "Insightful". Your comment is moderated "Informative". Your comment is moderated "Overrated". The post's final score is 0.
You can: post [n]ormally, [t]roll, whore for [k]arma, [w]rite a story, [f]lame, make a [j]oke, [m]oderate, m[e]tamoderate, [s]ubmit a story idea, check your [u]ser info, [q]uit. ? k
You post a comment questioning the sanity of anyone who doesn't open-source their code. The post's initial score is 1. Your comment is moderated "Insightful". Your comment is moderated "Underrated". Your comment is moderated "Insightful". Your comment is moderated "Informative". The post's final score is 5.
You can: post [n]ormally, [t]roll, whore for [k]arma, [w]rite a story, [f]lame, make a [j]oke, [m]oderate, m[e]tamoderate, [s]ubmit a story idea, check your [u]ser info, [q]uit. ? e
You metamoderate 10 random comments. You metamoderate randomly, without reading the comments.
You can: post [n]ormally, [t]roll, whore for [k]arma, [w]rite a story, [f]lame, make a [j]oke, [m]oderate, m[e]tamoderate, [s]ubmit a story idea, check your [u]ser info, [q]uit. ? u
Your karma is currently 10. You have posted 5 comments. Your user bio pretends to accidentally show your four-digit karma.
You can: post [n]ormally, [t]roll, whore for [k]arma, [w]rite a story, [f]lame, make a [j]oke, [m]oderate, m[e]tamoderate, [s]ubmit a story idea, check your [u]ser info, [q]uit. ? k
You post a comment that includes moderation buzzwords such as "information" and "insight". The post's initial score is 1. Your comment is moderated "Interesting". Your comment is moderated "Interesting". The post's final score is 3.
You can: post [n]ormally, [t]roll, whore for [k]arma, [w]rite a story, [f]lame, make a [j]oke, [m]oderate, m[e]tamoderate, [s]ubmit a story idea, check your [u]ser info, [q]uit. ? t
You post a troll in which you expound upon various erroneous legal theories. The post's initial score is 1. Your comment is moderated "Underrated". Your comment is moderated "Funny". Your comment is moderated "Overrated". Your comment is moderated "Interesting". The post's final score is 3.
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You write a story that casts Slashdot moderators as conspiring villains. The post's initial score is 1. Your comment is moderated "Overrated". Your comment is moderated "Overrated". The post's final score is -1.
You can: post [n]ormally, [t]roll, whore for [k]arma, [w]rite a story, [f]lame, make a [j]oke, [m]oderate, m[e]tamoderate, [s]ubmit a story idea, check your [u]ser info, [q]uit. ? e
You metamoderate 10 random comments. You rate good moderations "unfair" because you don't like the choice of adjective.
You can: post [n]ormally, [t]roll, whore for [k]arma, [w]rite a story, [f]lame, make a [j]oke, [m]oderate, m[e]tamoderate, [s]ubmit a story idea, check your [u]ser info, [q]uit. ? n
You post an exquisite metaphor in which you relate the topic at hand to a date with Natalie Portman. The post's initial score is 1. Your comment is moderated "Redundant". Your comment is moderated "Offtopic". Your comment is moderated "Insightful". The post's final score is 0.
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You post an on-topic comment within the first 25 of the story. The post's initial score is 1. Your comment is moderated "Interesting". Your comment is moderated "Interesting". The post's final score is 3.
You can: post [n]ormally, [t]roll, whore for [k]arma, [w]rite a story, [f]lame, make a [j]oke, [m]oderate, m[e]tamoderate, [s]ubmit a story idea, check your [u]ser info, [q]uit. ? j
You make a joke about $3 crack. The post's initial score is 1. Your comment is moderated "Insightful". Your comment is moderated "Offtopic". Your comment is moderated "Insightful". Your comment is moderated "Underrated". The post's final score is 3.
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You metamoderate 10 random comments. You rate every moderation as "fair".
You can: post [n]ormally, [t]roll, whore for [k]arma, [w]rite a story, [f]lame, make a [j]oke, [m]oderate, m[e]tamoderate, [s]ubmit a story idea, check your [u]ser info, [q]uit. ? j
You make a joke about $3 crack. The post's initial score is 1. Your comment is moderated "Redundant". Your comment is moderated "Troll". The post's final score is -1.
You can: post [n]ormally, [t]roll, whore for [k]arma, [w]rite a story, [f]lame, make a [j]oke, [m]oderate, m[e]tamoderate, [s]ubmit a story idea, check your [u]ser info, [q]uit. ? e
You metamoderate 10 random comments. You overturn valid moderations for first posts and "This link is more informative" posts.
You can: post [n]ormally, [t]roll, whore for [k]arma, [w]rite a story, [f]lame, make a [j]oke, [m]oderate, m[e]tamoderate, [s]ubmit a story idea, check your [u]ser info, [q]uit. ? e
You metamoderate 10 random comments. You rate good moderations "unfair" because you don't like the choice of adjective.
You can: post [n]ormally, [t]roll, whore for [k]arma, [w]rite a story, [f]lame, make a [j]oke, [m]oderate, m[e]tamoderate, [s]ubmit a story idea, check your [u]ser info, [q]uit. ? t
You post a troll which credits the U.S. for "saving Europe's ass in WWII" and inventing the internet. The post's initial score is 1. Your comment is moderated "Informative". Your comment is moderated "Offtopic". The post's final score is 1.
You can: post [n]ormally, [t]roll, whore for [k]arma, [w]rite a story, [f]lame, make a [j]oke, [m]oderate, m[e]tamoderate, [s]ubmit a story idea, check your [u]ser info, [q]uit. ? f
You flame someone from another country. The post's initial score is 1. Your comment is moderated "Troll". The post's final score is 0.
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You pack a pipe full of $3 crack and kill some hard-earned moderator points. You suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous metamoderation. You lose 7 karma.
You can: post [n]ormally, [t]roll, whore for [k]arma, [w]rite a story, [f]lame, make a [j]oke, [m]oderate, m[e]tamoderate, [s]ubmit a story idea, check your [u]ser info, [q]uit. ? n
You post your honest opinion on the MP3 debate. The post's initial score is 1. Your comment is moderated "Insightful". Your comment is moderated "Interesting". Your comment is moderated "Redundant". Your comment is moderated "Interesting". The post's final score is 3.
You can: post [n]ormally, [t]roll, whore for [k]arma, [w]rite a story, [f]lame, make a [j]oke, [m]oderate, m[e]tamoderate, [s]ubmit a story idea, check your [u]ser info, [q]uit. ? f
You flame CmdrTaco for a grammar or spelling mistake in a story. The post's initial score is 1. Your comment is moderated "Troll". Your comment is moderated "Overrated". Your comment is moderated "Funny". Your comment is moderated "Offtopic". The post's final score is -1.
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You post a comment that uses Microsoft as an example of how not to do... well, anything. The post's initial score is 1. Your comment is moderated "Funny". Your comment is moderated "Funny". Your comment is moderated "Underrated". Your comment is moderated "Insightful". The post's final score is 5.
You can: post [n]ormally, [t]roll, whore for [k]arma, [w]rite a story, [f]lame, make a [j]oke, [m]oderate, m[e]tamoderate, [s]ubmit a story idea, check your [u]ser info, [q]uit. ? k
You post a comment questioning the sanity of anyone who doesn't open-source their code. The post's initial score is 1. Your comment is moderated "Funny". Your comment is moderated "Funny". The post's final score is 3.
You can: post [n]ormally, [t]roll, whore for [k]arma, [w]rite a story, [f]lame, make a [j]oke, [m]oderate, m[e]tamoderate, [s]ubmit a story idea, check your [u]ser info, [q]uit. ? m
You pack a pipe full of $3 crack and kill some hard-earned moderator points. You suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous metamoderation. You lose 6 karma.
You can: post [n]ormally, [t]roll, whore for [k]arma, [w]rite a story, [f]lame, make a [j]oke, [m]oderate, m[e]tamoderate, [s]ubmit a story idea, check your [u]ser info, [q]uit. ? k
You post a comment that uses Microsoft as an example of how not to do... well, anything. The post's initial score is 1. Your comment is moderated "Underrated". Your comment is moderated "Insightful". The post's final score is 3.
You can: post [n]ormally, [t]roll, whore for [k]arma, [w]rite a story, [f]lame, make a [j]oke, [m]oderate, m[e]tamoderate, [s]ubmit a story idea, check your [u]ser info, [q]uit. ? e
You metamoderate 10 random comments. You rate the moderations according to your personal preferences and beliefs.
You can: post [n]ormally, [t]roll, whore for [k]arma, [w]rite a story, [f]lame, make a [j]oke, [m]oderate, m[e]tamoderate, [s]ubmit a story idea, check your [u]ser info, [q]uit. ? n
You post a calm, rational, insightful analysis of why Linux is not yet ready to be a desktop OS. The post's initial score is 1. Your comment is moderated "Offtopic". Your comment is moderated "Offtopic". Your comment is moderated "Insightful". Your comment is moderated "Funny". Your comment is moderated "Offtopic". The post's final score is 0.
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You post a comment questioning the sanity of anyone who doesn't open-source their code. The post's initial score is 1. Your comment is moderated "Informative". Your comment is moderated "Insightful". Your comment is moderated "Informative". The post's final score is 4.
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Your karma is currently 9. You have posted 21 comments. Your user bio pretends to accidentally show your four-digit karma.
You have been bitchslapped by sengan! Your days of posting in the sun are now over. You are forever doomed to post at -1, and your trolls fall on deaf ears. That is, until you create another account.... Before your bitchslap, your karma was 9. You posted 21 comments.
You can: post [n]ormally, [t]roll, whore for [k]arma, [w]rite a story, [f]lame, make a [j]oke, m[e]tamoderate, [s]ubmit a story idea, check your [u]ser info, [q]uit. ? t
You post a troll which credits the U.S. for "saving Europe's ass in WWII" and inventing the internet. The post's initial score is 1. Your comment is moderated "Interesting". Your comment is moderated "Funny". Your comment is moderated "Funny". The post's final score is 4.
You can: post [n]ormally, [t]roll, whore for [k]arma, [w]rite a story, [f]lame, make a [j]oke, m[e]tamoderate, [s]ubmit a story idea, check your [u]ser info, [q]uit. ? f
You flame Signal 11 for trying to attain that elusive +2 bonus. The post's initial score is 1. Your comment is moderated "Troll". The post's final score is 0.
You can: post [n]ormally, [t]roll, whore for [k]arma, [w]rite a story, [f]lame, make a [j]oke, m[e]tamoderate, [s]ubmit a story idea, check your [u]ser info, [q]uit. ? w
You write a story that casts Slashdot moderators as conspiring villains. The post's initial score is 1. Your comment is moderated "Offtopic". Your comment is moderated "Troll". The post's final score is -1.
You can: post [n]ormally, [t]roll, whore for [k]arma, [w]rite a story, [f]lame, make a [j]oke, m[e]tamoderate, [s]ubmit a story idea, check your [u]ser info, [q]uit. ? s
You submit a story idea that mentions penguins. Your submission is rejected.
You can: post [n]ormally, [t]roll, whore for [k]arma, [w]rite a story, [f]lame, make a [j]oke, m[e]tamoderate, [s]ubmit a story idea, check your [u]ser info, [q]uit. ? e
You metamoderate 10 random comments. You rate every moderation as "unfair".
You can: post [n]ormally, [t]roll, whore for [k]arma, [w]rite a story, [f]lame, make a [j]oke, m[e]tamoderate, [s]ubmit a story idea, check your [u]ser info, [q]uit. ? k
You post a pretentious attack on another commenter, "correcting" every statement of fact he makes. The post's initial score is 1. Your comment is moderated "Informative". The post's final score is 2.
You can: post [n]ormally, [t]roll, whore for [k]arma, [w]rite a story, [f]lame, make a [j]oke, m[e]tamoderate, [s]ubmit a story idea, check your [u]ser info, [q]uit. ? j
You make a joke about "Jackass Penguins". The post's initial score is 1. Your comment is moderated "Underrated". Your comment is moderated "Funny". Your comment is moderated "Underrated". Your comment is moderated "Offtopic". Your comment is moderated "Informative". The post's final score is 4.
You can: post [n]ormally, [t]roll, whore for [k]arma, [w]rite a story, [f]lame, make a [j]oke, [m]oderate, m[e]tamoderate, [s]ubmit a story idea, check your [u]ser info, [q]uit. ? s
You submit a story idea about Microsoft's latest legal battle. Your submission is rejected.
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You pack a pipe full of $3 crack and kill some hard-earned moderator points. Unfortunately, the metamoderators got their crack for $1.50. You lose 6 karma.
You can: post [n]ormally, [t]roll, whore for [k]arma, [w]rite a story, [f]lame, make a [j]oke, m[e]tamoderate, [s]ubmit a story idea, check your [u]ser info, [q]uit. ? k
You post a pretentious attack on another commenter, "correcting" every statement of fact he makes. The post's initial score is 1. Your comment is moderated "Interesting". Your comment is moderated "Funny". Your comment is moderated "Informative". Your comment is moderated "Informative". The post's final score is 5.
You can: post [n]ormally, [t]roll, whore for [k]arma, [w]rite a story, [f]lame, make a [j]oke, m[e]tamoderate, [s]ubmit a story idea, check your [u]ser info, [q]uit. ? f
You flame the Slashdot authors for not accepting a story idea you submitted. The post's initial score is 1. Your comment is moderated "Insightful". Your comment is moderated "Informative". Your comment is moderated "Redundant". The post's final score is 2.
You can: post [n]ormally, [t]roll, whore for [k]arma, [w]rite a story, [f]lame, make a [j]oke, m[e]tamoderate, [s]ubmit a story idea, check your [u]ser info, [q]uit. ? w
You write a story involving the gruesome death of Bill Gates. The post's initial score is 1. Your comment is moderated "Overrated". Your comment is moderated "Troll". The post's final score is -1.
You can: post [n]ormally, [t]roll, whore for [k]arma, [w]rite a story, [f]lame, make a [j]oke, m[e]tamoderate, [s]ubmit a story idea, check your [u]ser info, [q]uit. ? m
You can't moderate right now -- you don't have high enough karma.
You can: post [n]ormally, [t]roll, whore for [k]arma, [w]rite a story, [f]lame, make a [j]oke, m[e]tamoderate, [s]ubmit a story idea, check your [u]ser info, [q]uit. ? n
You post a comment that suggests that Microsoft may have done something worthwhile, once, long ago. The post's initial score is 1. Your comment is moderated "Funny". Your comment is moderated "Underrated". Your comment is moderated "Overrated". The post's final score is 2.
You can: post [n]ormally, [t]roll, whore for [k]arma, [w]rite a story, [f]lame, make a [j]oke, m[e]tamoderate, [s]ubmit a story idea, check your [u]ser info, [q]uit. ? k
You post a pretentious attack on another commenter, "correcting" every statement of fact he makes. The post's initial score is 1. Your comment is moderated "Underrated". Your comment is moderated "Funny". Your comment is moderated "Underrated". Your comment is moderated "Funny". The post's final score is 5.
You can: post [n]ormally, [t]roll, whore for [k]arma, [w]rite a story, [f]lame, make a [j]oke, [m]oderate, m[e]tamoderate, [s]ubmit a story idea, check your [u]ser info, [q]uit. ? j
You make a joke about $3 crack. The post's initial score is 1. Your comment is moderated "Flamebait". The post's final score is 0.
You can: post [n]ormally, [t]roll, whore for [k]arma, [w]rite a story, [f]lame, make a [j]oke, [m]oderate, m[e]tamoderate, [s]ubmit a story idea, check your [u]ser info, [q]uit. ? f
You flame Slashdot for posting a story about a Good Cause, rather than something obscure and self-absorbed. The post's initial score is 1. Your comment is moderated "Overrated". Your comment is moderated "Funny". Your comment is moderated "Redundant". The post's final score is 0.
You can: post [n]ormally, [t]roll, whore for [k]arma, [w]rite a story, [f]lame, make a [j]oke, [m]oderate, m[e]tamoderate, [s]ubmit a story idea, check your [u]ser info, [q]uit. ? j
You make a joke by thinking up some witty new alternate spelling of "Windows". The post's initial score is 1. Your comment is moderated "Troll". Your comment is moderated "Informative". The post's final score is 1.
You can: post [n]ormally, [t]roll, whore for [k]arma, [w]rite a story, [f]lame, make a [j]oke, [m]oderate, m[e]tamoderate, [s]ubmit a story idea, check your [u]ser info, [q]uit. ? t
You post a troll condemning all open-source advocates who seek gainful employment. The post's initial score is 1. Your comment is moderated "Insightful". Your comment is moderated "Overrated". Your comment is moderated "Offtopic". Your comment is moderated "Redundant". The post's final score is -1.
You can: post [n]ormally, [t]roll, whore for [k]arma, [w]rite a story, [f]lame, make a [j]oke, m[e]tamoderate, [s]ubmit a story idea, check your [u]ser info, [q]uit. ? e
You metamoderate 10 random comments. You rate every moderation as "unfair".
You have been bitchslapped by CmdrTaco! Your days of posting in the sun are now over. You are forever doomed to post at -1, and your trolls fall on deaf ears. That is, until you create another account.... Before your bitchslap, your karma was 2. You posted 14 comments.
Slashdot Mirror
This is clearly a weak troll. Slashdot are notoriously, even admirably, impassive about all the shit like this that they have to put up with. They've stoically ignored a lot of crap from ab/users; I can't imagine your beer ASCII posts would break them, unless their pet peeve is ASCII art that doesn't line up right. Further, I have a bit more respect for the Partnership for a Drug Free America (more than I have for you, anyway) than to believe that they would go after some pissant spammer on an internet message board which accepts anonymous posts. They would probably start harassing someone who was verifiably responsible for the offending content, like maybe Smokedot, before they would attack Slashdot for a flood of comments for which they were not responsible.
Hardcore free-speech zealot though I may be, I wouldn't mind one bit if Slashdot banned you. I wish they would, if there were a way to do it that wouldn't ban innocent users as well. Ordinarily I would be opposed to banning you because if we ban one person, where will it stop? But I'll make an exception in your case because of how badly you need a muzzle. You're the reason there needs to be a moderation system.
I've done some spamming before, myself. You know why my spam was better than yours? Because it was funny. People replied to it and told me so. I also limited it to one post per story.
Here's a short list of people I dislike less than you:
This "Slashdot is threatening me legally" crap is lame. It might be funny if osm hadn't done it already. But the important difference between him and you is that he never said he was being sued, he just planted evidence and got everyone else to invent a complete story themselves. Next time you feel the need to bite off someone else's style, try writing a play about Natalie Portman. It might be worth reading. I've never even been able to maintain the interest to read your MDMA posts all the way through, despite how short they are, and despite how much I love trolls (not that anything you've posted was ever as good as a real troll). 45 days of silence from you was hardly enough. I have little love for Slashdot, but even less for you. You make the karma whores look good.
I would suggest that you get off your ass and do something purposeful with your life, but it's obvious you lack the necessary creativity or intelligence. I'm amazed that you managed to craft a post with so few grammatical and typographical errors. That's probably what took you 45 days. Rejoice in the fact that you have probably made many people break down and raise their thresholds to 1. It's likely the most exciting accomplishment you'll ever achieve.
Please stop breathing so much. There are many others who could put all that oxygen to good use. Next time you take a breath, which should be in a couple of seconds, think about all the creative, funny, beautiful, and constructive things other people have done with all the other breaths they've taken. Think about following their example.
Congratulations. You've managed to suck enough that it makes me appreciate what a great place Slashdot was without you. It was easier to read the trolls. In short, the only remotely enjoyable or amusing thing about you is flaming you. I wish you would reply so I can do it some more. Unfortunately, you are most likely using a script, and may never read this. Well, to this script, I say, fuck you, script.
(I apologize for posting this offtopic comment, but as it concerns trolls, and I posted it in reply to a troll comment, I hope that moderators will at least credit me for trying. I do think that what I have to say here is of relevance to the Slashdot community at large, so I ask only that you please read the whole post before moderating me down.)
Do you hate trolls? Go ahead, you can admit it. Plenty of people do.
But what many people would be surprised to learn is that, when it comes right down to it, trolls don't want to be hated. Sure, they've been known to post lots of offtopic, inflammatory, or just plain stupid comments. But they're not doing it to get you to hate them. I mean, think about it. Does anyone really want to be hated? I'd venture to guess that no human being in all of time has ever harbored an honest desire to be hated. It's against our nature.
Some people say trolls do what they do to get attention, and in most cases, that's certainly true, even if only a small part of their motivation. But most trolls are just trying to be funny -- you know, in an endearing "class clown" sort of way. And some are trying to say something they feel needs to be said, perhaps even something truly insightful, though they lack to words to say it plainly.
Regardless, I submit that if trolls could do what they do, and still get people to like them, they'd jump at the opportunity in a millisecond. As someone with one foot in and one foot out of the "troll community", I think I'm in a good position to conduct an informal survey of what people's main gripes with trolls are.
Therefore, I'd appreciate it greatly if everyone who reads this would take a few minutes to respond to my Troll Poll. The poll options are several of the most common reasons people cite for hating trolls. I've done my best to make the list of options as inclusive as possible, though if you find that your reason isn't listed, please choose "other" and e-mail me with your thoughts. I hope that the results of this poll will be able to provide the troll community with some insight into how they might change their style, to make everyone happier.
Of course, trolls are welcome to respond to this poll as well. There are a couple of options that should suit them.
Thanks for your time. Moderators, if you still want to mod this down, fire away.
Take the Troll Poll!
Yes.
You can: post [n]ormally, [t]roll, whore for [k]arma, [w]rite a story, [f]lame, make a [j]oke, m[e]tamoderate, [s]ubmit a story idea, check your [u]ser info, [q]uit.
? f
You flame Slashdot for posting a story about a Good Cause, rather than something obscure and self-absorbed.
The post's initial score is 1.
Your comment is moderated "Overrated".
Your comment is moderated "Underrated".
The post's final score is 1.
You can: post [n]ormally, [t]roll, whore for [k]arma, [w]rite a story, [f]lame, make a [j]oke, m[e]tamoderate, [s]ubmit a story idea, check your [u]ser info, [q]uit.
? k
You post a comment questioning the sanity of anyone who doesn't open-source their code.
The post's initial score is 1.
Your comment is moderated "Informative".
Your comment is moderated "Interesting".
Your comment is moderated "Informative".
Your comment is moderated "Interesting".
The post's final score is 5.
You can: post [n]ormally, [t]roll, whore for [k]arma, [w]rite a story, [f]lame, make a [j]oke, [m]oderate, m[e]tamoderate, [s]ubmit a story idea, check your [u]ser info, [q]uit.
? t
You post a troll offering free advice on marketing Linux.
The post's initial score is 1.
Your comment is moderated "Informative".
Your comment is moderated "Informative".
Your comment is moderated "Funny".
Your comment is moderated "Insightful".
Your comment is moderated "Troll".
The post's final score is 4.
You can: post [n]ormally, [t]roll, whore for [k]arma, [w]rite a story, [f]lame, make a [j]oke, [m]oderate, m[e]tamoderate, [s]ubmit a story idea, check your [u]ser info, [q]uit.
? s
You submit a story idea about Microsoft's latest legal battle.
Your submission is rejected.
You can: post [n]ormally, [t]roll, whore for [k]arma, [w]rite a story, [f]lame, make a [j]oke, [m]oderate, m[e]tamoderate, [s]ubmit a story idea, check your [u]ser info, [q]uit.
? t
You post a troll which disguises a link to natalieportman.com as information about a database program.
The post's initial score is 1.
Your comment is moderated "Flamebait".
Your comment is moderated "Redundant".
Your comment is moderated "Insightful".
Your comment is moderated "Informative".
Your comment is moderated "Overrated".
The post's final score is 0.
You can: post [n]ormally, [t]roll, whore for [k]arma, [w]rite a story, [f]lame, make a [j]oke, [m]oderate, m[e]tamoderate, [s]ubmit a story idea, check your [u]ser info, [q]uit.
? k
You post a comment questioning the sanity of anyone who doesn't open-source their code.
The post's initial score is 1.
Your comment is moderated "Insightful".
Your comment is moderated "Underrated".
Your comment is moderated "Insightful".
Your comment is moderated "Informative".
The post's final score is 5.
You can: post [n]ormally, [t]roll, whore for [k]arma, [w]rite a story, [f]lame, make a [j]oke, [m]oderate, m[e]tamoderate, [s]ubmit a story idea, check your [u]ser info, [q]uit.
? e
You metamoderate 10 random comments.
You metamoderate randomly, without reading the comments.
You can: post [n]ormally, [t]roll, whore for [k]arma, [w]rite a story, [f]lame, make a [j]oke, [m]oderate, m[e]tamoderate, [s]ubmit a story idea, check your [u]ser info, [q]uit.
? u
Your karma is currently 10.
You have posted 5 comments.
Your user bio pretends to accidentally show your four-digit karma.
You can: post [n]ormally, [t]roll, whore for [k]arma, [w]rite a story, [f]lame, make a [j]oke, [m]oderate, m[e]tamoderate, [s]ubmit a story idea, check your [u]ser info, [q]uit.
? k
You post a comment that includes moderation buzzwords such as "information" and "insight".
The post's initial score is 1.
Your comment is moderated "Interesting".
Your comment is moderated "Interesting".
The post's final score is 3.
You can: post [n]ormally, [t]roll, whore for [k]arma, [w]rite a story, [f]lame, make a [j]oke, [m]oderate, m[e]tamoderate, [s]ubmit a story idea, check your [u]ser info, [q]uit.
? t
You post a troll in which you expound upon various erroneous legal theories.
The post's initial score is 1.
Your comment is moderated "Underrated".
Your comment is moderated "Funny".
Your comment is moderated "Overrated".
Your comment is moderated "Interesting".
The post's final score is 3.
You can: post [n]ormally, [t]roll, whore for [k]arma, [w]rite a story, [f]lame, make a [j]oke, [m]oderate, m[e]tamoderate, [s]ubmit a story idea, check your [u]ser info, [q]uit.
? w
You write a story that casts Slashdot moderators as conspiring villains.
The post's initial score is 1.
Your comment is moderated "Overrated".
Your comment is moderated "Overrated".
The post's final score is -1.
You can: post [n]ormally, [t]roll, whore for [k]arma, [w]rite a story, [f]lame, make a [j]oke, [m]oderate, m[e]tamoderate, [s]ubmit a story idea, check your [u]ser info, [q]uit.
? e
You metamoderate 10 random comments.
You rate good moderations "unfair" because you don't like the choice of adjective.
You can: post [n]ormally, [t]roll, whore for [k]arma, [w]rite a story, [f]lame, make a [j]oke, [m]oderate, m[e]tamoderate, [s]ubmit a story idea, check your [u]ser info, [q]uit.
? n
You post an exquisite metaphor in which you relate the topic at hand to a date with Natalie Portman.
The post's initial score is 1.
Your comment is moderated "Redundant".
Your comment is moderated "Offtopic".
Your comment is moderated "Insightful".
The post's final score is 0.
You can: post [n]ormally, [t]roll, whore for [k]arma, [w]rite a story, [f]lame, make a [j]oke, [m]oderate, m[e]tamoderate, [s]ubmit a story idea, check your [u]ser info, [q]uit.
? k
You post an on-topic comment within the first 25 of the story.
The post's initial score is 1.
Your comment is moderated "Interesting".
Your comment is moderated "Interesting".
The post's final score is 3.
You can: post [n]ormally, [t]roll, whore for [k]arma, [w]rite a story, [f]lame, make a [j]oke, [m]oderate, m[e]tamoderate, [s]ubmit a story idea, check your [u]ser info, [q]uit.
? j
You make a joke about $3 crack.
The post's initial score is 1.
Your comment is moderated "Insightful".
Your comment is moderated "Offtopic".
Your comment is moderated "Insightful".
Your comment is moderated "Underrated".
The post's final score is 3.
You can: post [n]ormally, [t]roll, whore for [k]arma, [w]rite a story, [f]lame, make a [j]oke, [m]oderate, m[e]tamoderate, [s]ubmit a story idea, check your [u]ser info, [q]uit.
? e
You metamoderate 10 random comments.
You rate every moderation as "fair".
You can: post [n]ormally, [t]roll, whore for [k]arma, [w]rite a story, [f]lame, make a [j]oke, [m]oderate, m[e]tamoderate, [s]ubmit a story idea, check your [u]ser info, [q]uit.
? j
You make a joke about $3 crack.
The post's initial score is 1.
Your comment is moderated "Redundant".
Your comment is moderated "Troll".
The post's final score is -1.
You can: post [n]ormally, [t]roll, whore for [k]arma, [w]rite a story, [f]lame, make a [j]oke, [m]oderate, m[e]tamoderate, [s]ubmit a story idea, check your [u]ser info, [q]uit.
? e
You metamoderate 10 random comments.
You overturn valid moderations for first posts and "This link is more informative" posts.
You can: post [n]ormally, [t]roll, whore for [k]arma, [w]rite a story, [f]lame, make a [j]oke, [m]oderate, m[e]tamoderate, [s]ubmit a story idea, check your [u]ser info, [q]uit.
? e
You metamoderate 10 random comments.
You rate good moderations "unfair" because you don't like the choice of adjective.
You can: post [n]ormally, [t]roll, whore for [k]arma, [w]rite a story, [f]lame, make a [j]oke, [m]oderate, m[e]tamoderate, [s]ubmit a story idea, check your [u]ser info, [q]uit.
? t
You post a troll which credits the U.S. for "saving Europe's ass in WWII" and inventing the internet.
The post's initial score is 1.
Your comment is moderated "Informative".
Your comment is moderated "Offtopic".
The post's final score is 1.
You can: post [n]ormally, [t]roll, whore for [k]arma, [w]rite a story, [f]lame, make a [j]oke, [m]oderate, m[e]tamoderate, [s]ubmit a story idea, check your [u]ser info, [q]uit.
? f
You flame someone from another country.
The post's initial score is 1.
Your comment is moderated "Troll".
The post's final score is 0.
You can: post [n]ormally, [t]roll, whore for [k]arma, [w]rite a story, [f]lame, make a [j]oke, [m]oderate, m[e]tamoderate, [s]ubmit a story idea, check your [u]ser info, [q]uit.
? m
You pack a pipe full of $3 crack and kill some hard-earned moderator points.
You suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous metamoderation.
You lose 7 karma.
You can: post [n]ormally, [t]roll, whore for [k]arma, [w]rite a story, [f]lame, make a [j]oke, [m]oderate, m[e]tamoderate, [s]ubmit a story idea, check your [u]ser info, [q]uit.
? n
You post your honest opinion on the MP3 debate.
The post's initial score is 1.
Your comment is moderated "Insightful".
Your comment is moderated "Interesting".
Your comment is moderated "Redundant".
Your comment is moderated "Interesting".
The post's final score is 3.
You can: post [n]ormally, [t]roll, whore for [k]arma, [w]rite a story, [f]lame, make a [j]oke, [m]oderate, m[e]tamoderate, [s]ubmit a story idea, check your [u]ser info, [q]uit.
? f
You flame CmdrTaco for a grammar or spelling mistake in a story.
The post's initial score is 1.
Your comment is moderated "Troll".
Your comment is moderated "Overrated".
Your comment is moderated "Funny".
Your comment is moderated "Offtopic".
The post's final score is -1.
You can: post [n]ormally, [t]roll, whore for [k]arma, [w]rite a story, [f]lame, make a [j]oke, [m]oderate, m[e]tamoderate, [s]ubmit a story idea, check your [u]ser info, [q]uit.
? k
You post a comment that uses Microsoft as an example of how not to do... well, anything.
The post's initial score is 1.
Your comment is moderated "Funny".
Your comment is moderated "Funny".
Your comment is moderated "Underrated".
Your comment is moderated "Insightful".
The post's final score is 5.
You can: post [n]ormally, [t]roll, whore for [k]arma, [w]rite a story, [f]lame, make a [j]oke, [m]oderate, m[e]tamoderate, [s]ubmit a story idea, check your [u]ser info, [q]uit.
? k
You post a comment questioning the sanity of anyone who doesn't open-source their code.
The post's initial score is 1.
Your comment is moderated "Funny".
Your comment is moderated "Funny".
The post's final score is 3.
You can: post [n]ormally, [t]roll, whore for [k]arma, [w]rite a story, [f]lame, make a [j]oke, [m]oderate, m[e]tamoderate, [s]ubmit a story idea, check your [u]ser info, [q]uit.
? m
You pack a pipe full of $3 crack and kill some hard-earned moderator points.
You suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous metamoderation.
You lose 6 karma.
You can: post [n]ormally, [t]roll, whore for [k]arma, [w]rite a story, [f]lame, make a [j]oke, [m]oderate, m[e]tamoderate, [s]ubmit a story idea, check your [u]ser info, [q]uit.
? k
You post a comment that uses Microsoft as an example of how not to do... well, anything.
The post's initial score is 1.
Your comment is moderated "Underrated".
Your comment is moderated "Insightful".
The post's final score is 3.
You can: post [n]ormally, [t]roll, whore for [k]arma, [w]rite a story, [f]lame, make a [j]oke, [m]oderate, m[e]tamoderate, [s]ubmit a story idea, check your [u]ser info, [q]uit.
? e
You metamoderate 10 random comments.
You rate the moderations according to your personal preferences and beliefs.
You can: post [n]ormally, [t]roll, whore for [k]arma, [w]rite a story, [f]lame, make a [j]oke, [m]oderate, m[e]tamoderate, [s]ubmit a story idea, check your [u]ser info, [q]uit.
? n
You post a calm, rational, insightful analysis of why Linux is not yet ready to be a desktop OS.
The post's initial score is 1.
Your comment is moderated "Offtopic".
Your comment is moderated "Offtopic".
Your comment is moderated "Insightful".
Your comment is moderated "Funny".
Your comment is moderated "Offtopic".
The post's final score is 0.
You can: post [n]ormally, [t]roll, whore for [k]arma, [w]rite a story, [f]lame, make a [j]oke, [m]oderate, m[e]tamoderate, [s]ubmit a story idea, check your [u]ser info, [q]uit.
? k
You post a comment questioning the sanity of anyone who doesn't open-source their code.
The post's initial score is 1.
Your comment is moderated "Informative".
Your comment is moderated "Insightful".
Your comment is moderated "Informative".
The post's final score is 4.
You can: post [n]ormally, [t]roll, whore for [k]arma, [w]rite a story, [f]lame, make a [j]oke, [m]oderate, m[e]tamoderate, [s]ubmit a story idea, check your [u]ser info, [q]uit.
? u
Your karma is currently 9.
You have posted 21 comments.
Your user bio pretends to accidentally show your four-digit karma.
You have been bitchslapped by sengan!
Your days of posting in the sun are now over.
You are forever doomed to post at -1, and your trolls fall on deaf ears.
That is, until you create another account....
Before your bitchslap, your karma was 9.
You posted 21 comments.
You can: post [n]ormally, [t]roll, whore for [k]arma, [w]rite a story, [f]lame, make a [j]oke, m[e]tamoderate, [s]ubmit a story idea, check your [u]ser info, [q]uit.
? t
You post a troll which credits the U.S. for "saving Europe's ass in WWII" and inventing the internet.
The post's initial score is 1.
Your comment is moderated "Interesting".
Your comment is moderated "Funny".
Your comment is moderated "Funny".
The post's final score is 4.
You can: post [n]ormally, [t]roll, whore for [k]arma, [w]rite a story, [f]lame, make a [j]oke, m[e]tamoderate, [s]ubmit a story idea, check your [u]ser info, [q]uit.
? f
You flame Signal 11 for trying to attain that elusive +2 bonus.
The post's initial score is 1.
Your comment is moderated "Troll".
The post's final score is 0.
You can: post [n]ormally, [t]roll, whore for [k]arma, [w]rite a story, [f]lame, make a [j]oke, m[e]tamoderate, [s]ubmit a story idea, check your [u]ser info, [q]uit.
? w
You write a story that casts Slashdot moderators as conspiring villains.
The post's initial score is 1.
Your comment is moderated "Offtopic".
Your comment is moderated "Troll".
The post's final score is -1.
You can: post [n]ormally, [t]roll, whore for [k]arma, [w]rite a story, [f]lame, make a [j]oke, m[e]tamoderate, [s]ubmit a story idea, check your [u]ser info, [q]uit.
? s
You submit a story idea that mentions penguins.
Your submission is rejected.
You can: post [n]ormally, [t]roll, whore for [k]arma, [w]rite a story, [f]lame, make a [j]oke, m[e]tamoderate, [s]ubmit a story idea, check your [u]ser info, [q]uit.
? e
You metamoderate 10 random comments.
You rate every moderation as "unfair".
You can: post [n]ormally, [t]roll, whore for [k]arma, [w]rite a story, [f]lame, make a [j]oke, m[e]tamoderate, [s]ubmit a story idea, check your [u]ser info, [q]uit.
? k
You post a pretentious attack on another commenter, "correcting" every statement of fact he makes.
The post's initial score is 1.
Your comment is moderated "Informative".
The post's final score is 2.
You can: post [n]ormally, [t]roll, whore for [k]arma, [w]rite a story, [f]lame, make a [j]oke, m[e]tamoderate, [s]ubmit a story idea, check your [u]ser info, [q]uit.
? j
You make a joke about "Jackass Penguins".
The post's initial score is 1.
Your comment is moderated "Underrated".
Your comment is moderated "Funny".
Your comment is moderated "Underrated".
Your comment is moderated "Offtopic".
Your comment is moderated "Informative".
The post's final score is 4.
You can: post [n]ormally, [t]roll, whore for [k]arma, [w]rite a story, [f]lame, make a [j]oke, [m]oderate, m[e]tamoderate, [s]ubmit a story idea, check your [u]ser info, [q]uit.
? s
You submit a story idea about Microsoft's latest legal battle.
Your submission is rejected.
You can: post [n]ormally, [t]roll, whore for [k]arma, [w]rite a story, [f]lame, make a [j]oke, [m]oderate, m[e]tamoderate, [s]ubmit a story idea, check your [u]ser info, [q]uit.
? m
You pack a pipe full of $3 crack and kill some hard-earned moderator points.
Unfortunately, the metamoderators got their crack for $1.50.
You lose 6 karma.
You can: post [n]ormally, [t]roll, whore for [k]arma, [w]rite a story, [f]lame, make a [j]oke, m[e]tamoderate, [s]ubmit a story idea, check your [u]ser info, [q]uit.
? k
You post a pretentious attack on another commenter, "correcting" every statement of fact he makes.
The post's initial score is 1.
Your comment is moderated "Interesting".
Your comment is moderated "Funny".
Your comment is moderated "Informative".
Your comment is moderated "Informative".
The post's final score is 5.
You can: post [n]ormally, [t]roll, whore for [k]arma, [w]rite a story, [f]lame, make a [j]oke, m[e]tamoderate, [s]ubmit a story idea, check your [u]ser info, [q]uit.
? f
You flame the Slashdot authors for not accepting a story idea you submitted.
The post's initial score is 1.
Your comment is moderated "Insightful".
Your comment is moderated "Informative".
Your comment is moderated "Redundant".
The post's final score is 2.
You can: post [n]ormally, [t]roll, whore for [k]arma, [w]rite a story, [f]lame, make a [j]oke, m[e]tamoderate, [s]ubmit a story idea, check your [u]ser info, [q]uit.
? w
You write a story involving the gruesome death of Bill Gates.
The post's initial score is 1.
Your comment is moderated "Overrated".
Your comment is moderated "Troll".
The post's final score is -1.
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? m
You can't moderate right now -- you don't have high enough karma.
You can: post [n]ormally, [t]roll, whore for [k]arma, [w]rite a story, [f]lame, make a [j]oke, m[e]tamoderate, [s]ubmit a story idea, check your [u]ser info, [q]uit.
? n
You post a comment that suggests that Microsoft may have done something worthwhile, once, long ago.
The post's initial score is 1.
Your comment is moderated "Funny".
Your comment is moderated "Underrated".
Your comment is moderated "Overrated".
The post's final score is 2.
You can: post [n]ormally, [t]roll, whore for [k]arma, [w]rite a story, [f]lame, make a [j]oke, m[e]tamoderate, [s]ubmit a story idea, check your [u]ser info, [q]uit.
? k
You post a pretentious attack on another commenter, "correcting" every statement of fact he makes.
The post's initial score is 1.
Your comment is moderated "Underrated".
Your comment is moderated "Funny".
Your comment is moderated "Underrated".
Your comment is moderated "Funny".
The post's final score is 5.
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? j
You make a joke about $3 crack.
The post's initial score is 1.
Your comment is moderated "Flamebait".
The post's final score is 0.
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? f
You flame Slashdot for posting a story about a Good Cause, rather than something obscure and self-absorbed.
The post's initial score is 1.
Your comment is moderated "Overrated".
Your comment is moderated "Funny".
Your comment is moderated "Redundant".
The post's final score is 0.
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? j
You make a joke by thinking up some witty new alternate spelling of "Windows".
The post's initial score is 1.
Your comment is moderated "Troll".
Your comment is moderated "Informative".
The post's final score is 1.
You can: post [n]ormally, [t]roll, whore for [k]arma, [w]rite a story, [f]lame, make a [j]oke, [m]oderate, m[e]tamoderate, [s]ubmit a story idea, check your [u]ser info, [q]uit.
? t
You post a troll condemning all open-source advocates who seek gainful employment.
The post's initial score is 1.
Your comment is moderated "Insightful".
Your comment is moderated "Overrated".
Your comment is moderated "Offtopic".
Your comment is moderated "Redundant".
The post's final score is -1.
You can: post [n]ormally, [t]roll, whore for [k]arma, [w]rite a story, [f]lame, make a [j]oke, m[e]tamoderate, [s]ubmit a story idea, check your [u]ser info, [q]uit.
? e
You metamoderate 10 random comments.
You rate every moderation as "unfair".
You have been bitchslapped by CmdrTaco!
Your days of posting in the sun are now over.
You are forever doomed to post at -1, and your trolls fall on deaf ears.
That is, until you create another account....
Before your bitchslap, your karma was 2.
You posted 14 comments.