In the old Soviet Union they used to say that anything that
wasn't forbidden was compulsory; the trick was to remember
which was which. In the West we've always congratulated ourselves
on taking a slightly more relaxed, commonsense view of
things, and forget that common sense is often just as arbitrary.
You've got to know the rules. Especially if you travel.
A few years ago--well, I can tell you exactly, in fact, it was
early 1994--I had a little run in with the police. I was driving
along Westway into central London with my wife, who was six
months pregnant, and I overtook on the inside lane. Not a piece
of wild and reckless driving in the circumstances, honestly, it
was just the way the traffic was flowing; but anyway I suddenly
found myself being flagged down by a police car. The policemen
signalled me to follow them down off the motorway
and--astonishingly--to stop behind them on a bend in the slip
road, where we could all get out and have a little chat about
my heinous crime. I was aghast. Cars, trucks, and, worst of all,
white vans were careening down the slip road, none of them,
I'm sure, expecting to find a couple of cars actually parked
there, right on the bend. Any one of them could easily have
rear-ended my car--with my pregnant wife inside. The situation
was frightening and insane. I made this point to the police
officer, who, as is so often the case with police, took a different
view.
The officer's point was that overtaking on an inside lane
was inherently dangerous. Why? Because the law said it was.
But being parked on a blind bend on a slip road was not dangerous
because I was there on police instructions, which made
it legal and hence (and this was a tricky bit to follow) safe.
My point was that I accepted I had (quite safely) made a
manoeuvre that was illegal under the laws of England, but that
our current situation, parked on a blind bend in the path of
fast-moving traffic, was life-threatening by reason of the actual
physical laws of the universe.
The officer's next point was that I wasn't in the universe, I
was in England, a point that has been made to me before. I gave
up trying to win an argument and agreed to everything so that
we could just get out of there.
As it happened, the reason I had rather overcasually overtaken
on the inside lane was that I am very used to driving in
the United States where everybody routinely exercises their
constitutional right to drive in whatever damn lane they please.
Under American law, overtaking on the inside lane (where traffic
conditions allow) is perfectly legal, perfectly normal, and,
hence, perfectly safe.
But I'll tell you what isn't.
I was once in San Francisco, and I parked in the only available
space, which happened to be on the other side of the street.
The law descended upon me.
Was I aware of how dangerous the manoeuvre I'd just made
was? I looked at the law a bit blankly. What had I done wrong?
I had, said the law, parked against the flow of traffic.
Puzzled, I looked up and down the street. What traffic?
I asked.
The traffic that would be there, said the law, if there was
any traffic.
This was a bit metaphysical, even for me, so I explained, a
bit lamely, that in England we just park wherever we can find
a parking space available, and weren't that fussy about which
side of the street it was on. He looked at me aghast, as if I was
lucky to have got out of a country of such wild and crazy car
parkers alive, and promptly gave me a ticket. Clearly he would
rather have deported me before my subversive ideas brought
chaos and anarchy to streets that normally had to cope with
nothing more alarming than a few simple assault rifles. Which,
as we know, in the States are perfectly legal, and without which
they would be overrun by herds of deer, overbearing government
officers, and lawless British tea importers.
Berlin has closed all roads in the vicinity of the government quarters. The U.S. embassy is heavily guarded.
Chancellor Schröder has called up the national security council.
Also watch http://www.indymedia.org when it is back on-line.
Slashdot Mirror
THE RULES
by Douglas Adams
In the old Soviet Union they used to say that anything that wasn't forbidden was compulsory; the trick was to remember which was which. In the West we've always congratulated ourselves on taking a slightly more relaxed, commonsense view of things, and forget that common sense is often just as arbitrary. You've got to know the rules. Especially if you travel.
A few years ago--well, I can tell you exactly, in fact, it was early 1994--I had a little run in with the police. I was driving along Westway into central London with my wife, who was six months pregnant, and I overtook on the inside lane. Not a piece of wild and reckless driving in the circumstances, honestly, it was just the way the traffic was flowing; but anyway I suddenly found myself being flagged down by a police car. The policemen signalled me to follow them down off the motorway and--astonishingly--to stop behind them on a bend in the slip road, where we could all get out and have a little chat about my heinous crime. I was aghast. Cars, trucks, and, worst of all, white vans were careening down the slip road, none of them, I'm sure, expecting to find a couple of cars actually parked there, right on the bend. Any one of them could easily have rear-ended my car--with my pregnant wife inside. The situation was frightening and insane. I made this point to the police officer, who, as is so often the case with police, took a different view.
The officer's point was that overtaking on an inside lane was inherently dangerous. Why? Because the law said it was. But being parked on a blind bend on a slip road was not dangerous because I was there on police instructions, which made it legal and hence (and this was a tricky bit to follow) safe.
My point was that I accepted I had (quite safely) made a manoeuvre that was illegal under the laws of England, but that our current situation, parked on a blind bend in the path of fast-moving traffic, was life-threatening by reason of the actual physical laws of the universe.
The officer's next point was that I wasn't in the universe, I was in England, a point that has been made to me before. I gave up trying to win an argument and agreed to everything so that we could just get out of there.
As it happened, the reason I had rather overcasually overtaken on the inside lane was that I am very used to driving in the United States where everybody routinely exercises their constitutional right to drive in whatever damn lane they please. Under American law, overtaking on the inside lane (where traffic conditions allow) is perfectly legal, perfectly normal, and, hence, perfectly safe.
But I'll tell you what isn't.
I was once in San Francisco, and I parked in the only available space, which happened to be on the other side of the street. The law descended upon me.
Was I aware of how dangerous the manoeuvre I'd just made was? I looked at the law a bit blankly. What had I done wrong?
I had, said the law, parked against the flow of traffic.
Puzzled, I looked up and down the street. What traffic? I asked.
The traffic that would be there, said the law, if there was any traffic.
This was a bit metaphysical, even for me, so I explained, a bit lamely, that in England we just park wherever we can find a parking space available, and weren't that fussy about which side of the street it was on. He looked at me aghast, as if I was lucky to have got out of a country of such wild and crazy car parkers alive, and promptly gave me a ticket. Clearly he would rather have deported me before my subversive ideas brought chaos and anarchy to streets that normally had to cope with nothing more alarming than a few simple assault rifles. Which, as we know, in the States are perfectly legal, and without which they would be overrun by herds of deer, overbearing government officers, and lawless British tea importers.
My late friend Graham Chapman, an idiosyn
Berlin has closed all roads in the vicinity of the government quarters. The U.S. embassy is heavily guarded. Chancellor Schröder has called up the national security council. Also watch http://www.indymedia.org when it is back on-line.