When I was a boy, my dear father bought my brother and I a magnifying glass. It was an unseasonably warm and sunny summer on the farm, and we had just discovered a nest of spotted Wyoming honey beetles. Why, I certainly wouldn't have wanted to be them under the heat of that magnifying glass! No, sir. Nowadays, I tell this story, and the animal rights killjoys just get all over me. I tell you, PETA is an organization from Hell. None dumber, or more annoying! They tell me I can't even eat meat. How in the sam hill am I supposed to get through my week without my sixteen ounces of fresh-cut tenderloin? I'll eat my steak, I'll eat it well-done, I'll eat it with salt and pepper, and none of it is any of those damn hippies' business! None of their business, I tell you! None! Then want to take away my freedom, and turn this fine country into a police state, but I won't let them. The liberal bastards haven't taken my guns away yet. Let them try, I say. Let them try.
Guns and Roses! Is that some kind of 'rock and roll' outfit? In my day, we didn't have any of that rock and roll nonsense! We danced around the fire to the tune of the wind faeries, basking in their enchanting lull. Oh, those were the days! The days of sunshine and fresh air. Now everything is built up. Everything is a city. Nobody cares about nature anymore! The trees are dying, the icecaps are melting, and why? All because of the Red Menace! Commie bastards in every nook and cranny, by Jove, and I say it's time to flush them out. Flush 'em all out! Like rats! Like the dirty, filthy rats they are. We need to make the world safe for freedom, I say.
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- Bitter Old Man
- Bitter Old Man