The Fnords were spinning in their graves. The goddess felt this and appeared before them. "Fnords, why must you pester me so?" she questioned. "Madam!" one exclaimed, "At first we thought we were fucking with you, we have now realized that it is you who fucks with us!" The goddess frowned. "If it were your fate to state the obvious I wouldn't have visited you." The Fnords spoke amongst themselves as Eris folded her arms in disapproval. "Whatever it is you demand from us, goddess, shall be yours." "I don't *demand* anything of you mongrels!!" she scolded. This confused the hell out of the Fnords and they stood speechless. With a flick of her toenail, Eris evaporated into the night. The goddess returned to her post and began prodding her pineal gland. "It's got to be here somewhere", she muttered. Moments later the ecstatic shrieks of The Prettiest One interrupted the sleep of dozens of rabid canines. She opened her eyes, re-enlightened, and energetic. Her nose tasted the air, something strange and unknown tickled her senses and she started forward to investigate. Treaching through her garden of snail shells and orange peels was a pack of cat-sized dogs, sniffing and poking where they hadn't belonged. The goddess raised an eyebrow, whispered a vulgarity, and turned away for a walk. In the wake of The Prettiest One lay the hollowed carcasses of her beastly visitors.
Once the Fnords sang out a tune of hideous melody, the golden apple was fertilized. "To each his own", the goddess muttered as her lovely counterparts tip-toed to avoid her chaotic grasp. In their midst lay poisonous amphibians, ophidian serpents of some sort which posed no real danger to anyone close by. Their scaly fins were useless in such muck, but they'd soon adapt. This simple fact did not bring fear to the goddess, but moreso a faint sense of annoyance. The monks were acting up again, she realized. The serpents would be dealt with later. In an instant she was relocated to their world and set herself silently upon their garden of sand. They were meditating now, oblivious to mundane surroundings, but she remained patient. One monk in training loosely opened an eye. "He's not ready!" she thought and concealed a giggle. He was the one best suited for what she had in mind. A raise of her fist and each robed man opened his eyes. "Jesus.." one whispered and proceeded to die.
The goddess was a fan of irony. So much so that she summoned the cathedral's overwhelming cockroach population to carry the surviving holy men away. For years the monks condemned the destruction of life, and not one sandal had claimed the soul of any member of the roach infestation. The critters were large. And the critters could fly. They emerged from every orifice of the building, crunching their mandibles with delight. Still, as each man came to realize his death, each man refused to fight. "Reincarnation buffs" she thought, and a smirk arose on her face
Slashdot Mirror
The Fnords were spinning in their graves. The goddess felt this and appeared before them.
"Fnords, why must you pester me so?" she questioned.
"Madam!" one exclaimed, "At first we thought we were fucking with you, we have now realized that it is you who fucks with us!"
The goddess frowned.
"If it were your fate to state the obvious I wouldn't have visited you."
The Fnords spoke amongst themselves as Eris folded her arms in disapproval.
"Whatever it is you demand from us, goddess, shall be yours."
"I don't *demand* anything of you mongrels!!" she scolded.
This confused the hell out of the Fnords and they stood speechless. With a flick of her toenail, Eris evaporated into the night.
The goddess returned to her post and began prodding her pineal gland.
"It's got to be here somewhere", she muttered.
Moments later the ecstatic shrieks of The Prettiest One interrupted the sleep of dozens of rabid canines. She opened her eyes, re-enlightened, and energetic. Her nose tasted the air, something strange and unknown tickled her senses and she started forward to investigate. Treaching through her garden of snail shells and orange peels was a pack of cat-sized dogs, sniffing and poking where they hadn't belonged. The goddess raised an eyebrow, whispered a vulgarity, and turned away for a walk.
In the wake of The Prettiest One lay the hollowed carcasses of her beastly visitors.
Once the Fnords sang out a tune of hideous melody, the golden apple was fertilized. "To each his own", the goddess muttered as her lovely counterparts tip-toed to avoid her chaotic grasp. In their midst lay poisonous amphibians, ophidian serpents of some sort which posed no real danger to anyone close by. Their scaly fins were useless in such muck, but they'd soon adapt. This simple fact did not bring fear to the goddess, but moreso a faint sense of annoyance. The monks were acting up again, she realized. The serpents would be dealt with later. In an instant she was relocated to their world and set herself silently upon their garden of sand. They were meditating now, oblivious to mundane surroundings, but she remained patient. One monk in training loosely opened an eye. "He's not ready!" she thought and concealed a giggle. He was the one best suited for what she had in mind. A raise of her fist and each robed man opened his eyes. "Jesus.." one whispered and proceeded to die. The goddess was a fan of irony. So much so that she summoned the cathedral's overwhelming cockroach population to carry the surviving holy men away. For years the monks condemned the destruction of life, and not one sandal had claimed the soul of any member of the roach infestation. The critters were large. And the critters could fly. They emerged from every orifice of the building, crunching their mandibles with delight. Still, as each man came to realize his death, each man refused to fight. "Reincarnation buffs" she thought, and a smirk arose on her face