This is a cooldown period. Steve will be in charge of regulating the temperature inside the nuclear reactor, while I apply coolant to my arse. Oh no! My arse is swelling like a balloon! Soon it will be as large as the entire room! At that point, it will not fit in the room!
A dilemma, indeed. But what shall I do? Not only a dilemma, but a quandary, this is. Why do these things all happen to me?
But wait! A law enforcement officer is coming over here to help me. He says, "You are under arrest. You have the right to remain silent." Then he goes on about how anything I say can and will be used against me in a court of law, and all that propaganda.
I ask him, "Certainly, you will help me shrink my arse back to normal size now, and take me into custody afterwards? I mean, wouldn't that make more sense, to do things in that order?"
He said, "No, it's not a matter of order. I am not going to help with your arse. It is up to the city health officials to determine whether medical treatment will be provided for your arse. Meanwhile, you aare under arrest for violation of the Controlling and Regulating Arse Proportions act, also known as the CRAP act." Before I could protest that I have a clearly defined Constitutional right for my arse to be as large as I want it to be, he added, "And if you think the law is unconstitutional, you must ask the courts about that. It is not up to me to decide. Although, if you want my opinion, it is a perfectly fair and just law, and anyone with an oversized arse is helping terrorism."
What a ridiculous argument. In any event, I was then taken to the Bureau Of Restitutions for Injured Nimrods who have Gone to hell, or BORING for short. There, nothing at all happened. There were 44 people in the waiting room, more than the fire marshall would allow, but he couldn't do anything, because he was waiting in line with everyone else. Also, he was handcuffed to the wall. Allegedly, he had helped terrorism by limiting the number of people who can be in the BORING waiting room at one time.
I sat there breathing all this in when I was suddenly taken outside and then I was stuck listening to a police officer lectruring me about how I really need to keep my arse under control. When he got to the part about proper hygiene for one's arse, I explained that I was trying to wash my arse when this whole incident happened. He did not believe me, so he kicked me in the arse. "Ow!" I said. "That hurt!"
The policeman grinned. "Want me to do it again?" he asked.
I was left speechless for a moment, but then I shouted, at the top of my lungs, "FUCK THE POLICE!" When I said that, my arse enlarged even further. It was now towering over downtown Manhattan, or would be if Manhattan was in the area and hadn't been destroyed by a hurricane several years ago.
The police officer looked up at my huge arse in shock and awe. "What the hell is going on with this man's arse?" he shouted over the police radio. However, everyone else in the world had now been killed because of epileptic seizures and lung problems (all unrelated, of course, or at least that's what they government would say later). So the police officer received no answer.
Then I sat on him, and heard a squishing sound. I was sure that I had disposed of the officer for good, but then my arse suddenly began shrinking, and as it shrank, it moved upwards, lifting me up with it.
Soon I was floating over the entire town, and then I started to fall. I free-fell about ten metres before I suddenly came to a stop. Then I free-fell eleven metres, and came to a stop. This pattern continued until I landed in a swimming pool with a loud THUD!
At that very moment, everyone in the world was reanimated and came back to life, even the police officer, who had suffered serious lung problems. Needless to say, the other people in the pool were shocked to find someone with a huge arse (it had recently enlarged again) swimming in their pool, so they immediately called the police, and this whole debacle repeated itself, but with slight variations.
The version with the variations is another story for another day. Goodbye!
Hopefully, most people on Slashdot are capable of this.
Are you fucking kidding me? Most people on Slashdot use open-source shit instead of a decent operating system like Microsoft Windows. Proper choices my ass.
So you could mod me up +1, Insightful, right? Yeah, Slashdot doesn't get to hear my viewpoint a lot because of Nazi mods. But don't worry, eventually the open source kiddies will grow up. At least that's what I'm hoping.
It's not a good deal! Mozilla is OPEN SOURCE software, do you know that? Open source software is some gay fucking fad that sucks. Get a decent browser like IE. Oh and take a shower.
Slashdot Mirror
This is a cooldown period. Steve will be in charge of regulating the temperature inside the nuclear reactor, while I apply coolant to my arse. Oh no! My arse is swelling like a balloon! Soon it will be as large as the entire room! At that point, it will not fit in the room!
A dilemma, indeed. But what shall I do? Not only a dilemma, but a quandary, this is. Why do these things all happen to me?
But wait! A law enforcement officer is coming over here to help me. He says, "You are under arrest. You have the right to remain silent." Then he goes on about how anything I say can and will be used against me in a court of law, and all that propaganda.
I ask him, "Certainly, you will help me shrink my arse back to normal size now, and take me into custody afterwards? I mean, wouldn't that make more sense, to do things in that order?"
He said, "No, it's not a matter of order. I am not going to help with your arse. It is up to the city health officials to determine whether medical treatment will be provided for your arse. Meanwhile, you aare under arrest for violation of the Controlling and Regulating Arse Proportions act, also known as the CRAP act." Before I could protest that I have a clearly defined Constitutional right for my arse to be as large as I want it to be, he added, "And if you think the law is unconstitutional, you must ask the courts about that. It is not up to me to decide. Although, if you want my opinion, it is a perfectly fair and just law, and anyone with an oversized arse is helping terrorism."
What a ridiculous argument. In any event, I was then taken to the Bureau Of Restitutions for Injured Nimrods who have Gone to hell, or BORING for short. There, nothing at all happened. There were 44 people in the waiting room, more than the fire marshall would allow, but he couldn't do anything, because he was waiting in line with everyone else. Also, he was handcuffed to the wall. Allegedly, he had helped terrorism by limiting the number of people who can be in the BORING waiting room at one time.
I sat there breathing all this in when I was suddenly taken outside and then I was stuck listening to a police officer lectruring me about how I really need to keep my arse under control. When he got to the part about proper hygiene for one's arse, I explained that I was trying to wash my arse when this whole incident happened. He did not believe me, so he kicked me in the arse. "Ow!" I said. "That hurt!"
The policeman grinned. "Want me to do it again?" he asked.
I was left speechless for a moment, but then I shouted, at the top of my lungs, "FUCK THE POLICE!" When I said that, my arse enlarged even further. It was now towering over downtown Manhattan, or would be if Manhattan was in the area and hadn't been destroyed by a hurricane several years ago.
The police officer looked up at my huge arse in shock and awe. "What the hell is going on with this man's arse?" he shouted over the police radio. However, everyone else in the world had now been killed because of epileptic seizures and lung problems (all unrelated, of course, or at least that's what they government would say later). So the police officer received no answer.
Then I sat on him, and heard a squishing sound. I was sure that I had disposed of the officer for good, but then my arse suddenly began shrinking, and as it shrank, it moved upwards, lifting me up with it.
Soon I was floating over the entire town, and then I started to fall. I free-fell about ten metres before I suddenly came to a stop. Then I free-fell eleven metres, and came to a stop. This pattern continued until I landed in a swimming pool with a loud THUD!
At that very moment, everyone in the world was reanimated and came back to life, even the police officer, who had suffered serious lung problems. Needless to say, the other people in the pool were shocked to find someone with a huge arse (it had recently enlarged again) swimming in their pool, so they immediately called the police, and this whole debacle repeated itself, but with slight variations.
The version with the variations is another story for another day. Goodbye!
So you could mod me up +1, Insightful, right? Yeah, Slashdot doesn't get to hear my viewpoint a lot because of Nazi mods. But don't worry, eventually the open source kiddies will grow up. At least that's what I'm hoping.
After you compile them, they'll be binary drivers, fucktard. Geez, can't you open source losers THINK?
Gay open source software is shit! Go take a shower, fucking NERDS!
It's not a good deal! Mozilla is OPEN SOURCE software, do you know that? Open source software is some gay fucking fad that sucks. Get a decent browser like IE. Oh and take a shower.