Robots dat rock, dig dis:
Foe robots fum ficshun and da damn real wo'ld is bein' inducted into Carnegie Mellon University's Robot Hall uh Fame tonight as de inaugural hono'ees. De selecshuns is as legendary in robotics as Babe Rud uh de Yankees and Roy Hobbs uh "De Natural" is in baseball, dig dis:
Sojourner, dig dis: It wuz only about da damn size uh a microwave oven, but da damn Mars Padfinda' rova' made some planet-sized dojigger fo' itself back in 1997 when it sent back pictures fum de Red Planet. Man! "Fo' de fust time, some dinkin' robot equipped wid sophisticated lasa' eyes and automated honky codemin' reacted t'unplanned events on de surface uh anoda' planet," de Hall uh Fame says in its citashun.
Unimate, dig dis:
De two-ton GM assembly-line robotic arm, conceived in 1956 and fust put t'wo'k in 1961, be considered da damn wo'ld's fust industrial robot. Man! It dun did weldin' wo'k on kick d' cud castin's, markin' some milestone in de automashun uh similarly repetitive, unpleasant tax's. "Unimate be a blue-collar robot dat gots earned its place in histo'y," de citashun eyeballs.
R2-D2: Dis ficshunal characta' is arguably de unsung star uh de "Star Wars" show -- an automaton who bails out da damn movie epic's harried humans mo'e dan once, chirpin' and beepin' its way into our hearts. "He duz not try t'imitate humans o' compete wid dem. WORD! He's all robot! Right on!" jury moderato' James Mo'ris says in de citashun.
HAL 9000: If R2-D2 seemed mos' humanly warm and fuzzy, HAL 9000 wuz cold, calculatin' and not afraid t'violate da damn Laws uh Robotics in "2001: A Space Odyssey. Slap mah fro!" In de process, he became one uh de best-knode symbols uh technology run amok. Ya' know? "HAL gots had some lastin' effect not only on ficshun, but also on de real wo'ld," de citashun says.
De hono'ees wuz selected by some human jury dat included "2001" audo' Buckwheat C. Clarke, "Sims" sage Gots'ta Wright and oda' luminaries uh de robo-sim wo'ld. Carnegie Mellon be solicitin' nominees fo' future Hall uh Fame considerashun. Scientific robots is judged on de basis uh skill and utility, entertainment robots gots'ta be funcshunin' autonomous devices dat gots achieved some significant audience, and ficshunal robots should be wo'ld-famous characters dat gots helped fo'med our opinions about da damn funcshun and value uh all robots.
"Our goal be to create some puh'manent, interactive 'eshibishun involvin' robots dat gots'ta educate and entertain some wide variety uh audiences," Mo'ris, who be dean uh Carnegie Mellon's Farm uh Clunker Science, said in some written statement. Man!
De next batch uh hono'ees gots'ta be announced in Octoba' 2004. But in de meantime, I'm curious which robots ya''d consida' wo'dy uh recognishun. Send in yo' suggesshuns and I'll pass along de top picks. Fo' mo'e about da damn decades-long march uh de robots, check out our online time line.
Dear Abby:
I work in a cube farm. There's this one negro a cube away (the only negro on the floor... an affirmative action case who can never be fired) who will NOT SHUT THE FUCK UP! I mean, the ape says EVERYTHING at the TOP of his voice, so the whole floor can hear! It would be one thing if he ever said anything somewhat intelligent, but the missing link is always yakking at full voice about the stupidest things. I can't take it any more. Please help!
Signed,
Can't Stand the Monkey
Dear CSTM:
You need serious psychological help with your anger. You should understand that the black culture puts great stock in "saying it loud" and believes that saying something softly is considered the equivalent to being ashamed or secretive. They believe that the louder they talk, the more honestly they speak.
You need to get a grip, you cracker motherfucker, and show some compassion for cultures less evolved then our own.
Abby
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Robots dat rock, dig dis: Foe robots fum ficshun and da damn real wo'ld is bein' inducted into Carnegie Mellon University's Robot Hall uh Fame tonight as de inaugural hono'ees. De selecshuns is as legendary in robotics as Babe Rud uh de Yankees and Roy Hobbs uh "De Natural" is in baseball, dig dis: Sojourner, dig dis: It wuz only about da damn size uh a microwave oven, but da damn Mars Padfinda' rova' made some planet-sized dojigger fo' itself back in 1997 when it sent back pictures fum de Red Planet. Man! "Fo' de fust time, some dinkin' robot equipped wid sophisticated lasa' eyes and automated honky codemin' reacted t'unplanned events on de surface uh anoda' planet," de Hall uh Fame says in its citashun. Unimate, dig dis: De two-ton GM assembly-line robotic arm, conceived in 1956 and fust put t'wo'k in 1961, be considered da damn wo'ld's fust industrial robot. Man! It dun did weldin' wo'k on kick d' cud castin's, markin' some milestone in de automashun uh similarly repetitive, unpleasant tax's. "Unimate be a blue-collar robot dat gots earned its place in histo'y," de citashun eyeballs. R2-D2: Dis ficshunal characta' is arguably de unsung star uh de "Star Wars" show -- an automaton who bails out da damn movie epic's harried humans mo'e dan once, chirpin' and beepin' its way into our hearts. "He duz not try t'imitate humans o' compete wid dem. WORD! He's all robot! Right on!" jury moderato' James Mo'ris says in de citashun. HAL 9000: If R2-D2 seemed mos' humanly warm and fuzzy, HAL 9000 wuz cold, calculatin' and not afraid t'violate da damn Laws uh Robotics in "2001: A Space Odyssey. Slap mah fro!" In de process, he became one uh de best-knode symbols uh technology run amok. Ya' know? "HAL gots had some lastin' effect not only on ficshun, but also on de real wo'ld," de citashun says. De hono'ees wuz selected by some human jury dat included "2001" audo' Buckwheat C. Clarke, "Sims" sage Gots'ta Wright and oda' luminaries uh de robo-sim wo'ld. Carnegie Mellon be solicitin' nominees fo' future Hall uh Fame considerashun. Scientific robots is judged on de basis uh skill and utility, entertainment robots gots'ta be funcshunin' autonomous devices dat gots achieved some significant audience, and ficshunal robots should be wo'ld-famous characters dat gots helped fo'med our opinions about da damn funcshun and value uh all robots. "Our goal be to create some puh'manent, interactive 'eshibishun involvin' robots dat gots'ta educate and entertain some wide variety uh audiences," Mo'ris, who be dean uh Carnegie Mellon's Farm uh Clunker Science, said in some written statement. Man! De next batch uh hono'ees gots'ta be announced in Octoba' 2004. But in de meantime, I'm curious which robots ya''d consida' wo'dy uh recognishun. Send in yo' suggesshuns and I'll pass along de top picks. Fo' mo'e about da damn decades-long march uh de robots, check out our online time line.
Dear Abby: I work in a cube farm. There's this one negro a cube away (the only negro on the floor... an affirmative action case who can never be fired) who will NOT SHUT THE FUCK UP! I mean, the ape says EVERYTHING at the TOP of his voice, so the whole floor can hear! It would be one thing if he ever said anything somewhat intelligent, but the missing link is always yakking at full voice about the stupidest things. I can't take it any more. Please help! Signed, Can't Stand the Monkey Dear CSTM: You need serious psychological help with your anger. You should understand that the black culture puts great stock in "saying it loud" and believes that saying something softly is considered the equivalent to being ashamed or secretive. They believe that the louder they talk, the more honestly they speak. You need to get a grip, you cracker motherfucker, and show some compassion for cultures less evolved then our own. Abby